Acting out of Character is literally the definition of bad writing, btw. Characters in all "well" written stories are consistent. They can have their changes, but it must be consistent with their goals.
Yeah, you're right, the focus is on it being a sex game that is solely driven by pictures (which negates his ability to write convincingly). But we're talking about writing skills. There's one determination just as there is with IQ, or with any skill. It's measured by a basic construct of ability. And there are standards you can't break like structure, or it seems wishy-washy, and no longer a storyline well written. I've edited dozens and dozens of novels, DPC, would never make it as a novelist without pictures. When you see things like "Yeah, well" repeated across all characters, that's poor writing and not distinctive. When you see "Oh... yeah, erhm..." That's also a no-no. And there is so much passive voice in this, it's insane. On top of it, he's writing what I'm assuming in 3rd Omniscient without any limits. There are only a few people in the history of writing that are able to pull that off properly. Very, very, very few.