Before I continue the story, I'm promoting Ann to Chief of Police. This is a big budget porn production with a makeup artist, hair stylist, manicures, wardrobe, props, on-location shooting, fluffers, and catering, so Ann got her hair did.
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Just as Max is about to pull away from the curb, a police cruiser blocks his SUV, red and blue lights flashing.
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Max: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT
Alice: This is not good. Okay, Max, I need you to calm down, shut up and let me do the talking.
Max: Calm down? We're going to jail because you're a hooker and that makes me your john, thanks a lot Alice!
Alice: Shut the fuck up and let me do the talking!
Max: Okay!
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Officer: I need your hands up in front of you where I can see them, right meow!
They immediately do as he says.
Officer: One at a time, using one hand, slowly take your IDs out and give them to me. You first, dumbass.
Max rightfully assumes the cop was referring to him and obeys, then Alice.
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The cop shines his flashlight into Max's face and he is immediately blinded by 87 million lumens.
Max: AHHH!
Officer: Do you have a problem?!
Max: I smell something burning, sir.
Officer: That's just your eyebrows, dumbass.
Alice: Sir, this isn't what it looks like.
Officer: I haven't even said what it looks like.
Alice: Yes sir, and it's not that.
Officer: Not what?
Alice: Sir, if you're thinking this looks like prostitution, you're mistaken.
Officer: I'm not mistaken, it does look like prostitution.
Alice: But it's not.
Officer: How is it not?
Alice: Because this dumbass is my husband, sir. We're just doing a little roleplaying to spice things up.
Officer: You're married to him?
Alice: Yes sir. If you'll look at our IDs, you'll see we have the same last name.
Officer: And so you do. But there's no way a woman as hot as you can be married to this dumbass.
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Alice: Sometimes I wonder how that happened too, sir. What more can I do to convince you I'm a married woman with a need to spice things up?
She points down, and the officer's flashlight beam follows, much to Max's relief.
Max: I think I may be permanently blind now.
Officer: Shut up, dumbass. Ma'am, my job is to serve and protect, and to stay focused on my job I like to break all situations down into those two things, serving and protecting. Based on the evidence, it appears you are in need of service. Do you need service, ma'am?
Alice: Yes sir, I do. Very much so.
Officer: And do you need protection?
Alice: No sir, I have some protection here in my pocket.
Officer: Extra large?
Alice: Today must be your lucky day sir, extra large.
Officer: Very well. I'm going to need both of you to make a statement at the precinct. If you'll assist your dumbass husband Helen Keller out of the driver's seat, I'll take you into custody and have your vehicle impounded. Let's go.
To be continued . . .
LOL
