VN Ren'Py Captive Consciousness [v0.2.0a] [TinyDogStudio]

[someyoungguy]

I think I will rewrite it so that she is considering doing it instead of the MC catching her already doing it. Or maybe I will change it so that it is her first stream and she does it as a way to get MC's attention. I didn't really plan on making it a big plot point or anything, but just as a way to break the ice with the MC. At the very least, I don't see any harm in rewriting it so that it's something new she has only done one time out of curiosity/desperation. I agree with ImSenjou that it does seem a bit out of character for her anyways.

Imo, the biggest problem with it is that it doesn't seem to fit with her character as presented. It isn't uncommon for people who are shy to be more interested in or adventurous with sex when they feel safe with their partner/situation. The issue isn't necessarily that she's shy specifically, it's that there's no clear reason given why she's interested in it at all. I think fixing it to appease the people who are turned off by her doing it is a mistake, in that many of them are going to be just as turned off that she's even considering it. You're never going to be able to appease that crowd fully without taking camming out of her story entirely. Changing your story to appease them is misguided, and sets a dangerous precedent that you will cave to whatever demands they make in the future. If you want to adjust the framing of the situation, that should be left to your judgement, but either way, the most important thing is that you let MC get to know her well enough to understand why she is doing/interested in it to begin with, before the MC becomes involved in that aspect of her life. The mentality that women being interested in/liking sex makes them a whore/slut is a childish one that no amount of changes to your story will stop complaints from, so you shouldn't take those into consideration while you try to fix you story. The problem you have is a narrative one, not a fetishistic one, and you should approach it accordingly

 

[The Daydreamer]

Changing your story to appease them is misguided, and sets a dangerous precedent that you will cave to whatever demands they make in the future.

This is a work in progress and the first version of the game so changing anything isn't necessarily misguided (and probably a better time to do so than remaking stuff one year from now like we see sometimes... Right now, the butterfly effect would be minimal and the dev wouldn't feel the invisible pressure from many patrons hungry for new content ) if the dev actually agrees with some of the feedback. Obviously, changing anything just because he felt pressured to do so would set a bad precedent like you said but changing something because he feels it can enhance his game somehow would just be a dev being humble enough to use feedback to make a product he likes even more (and might also please more people but on that part, since you'll never please everyone, it shouldn't be your main motivation unless you're only in it for the money but I'd like to think most of these indie projects are born from passion and dedication instead of greed ).

I think I will rewrite it so that she is considering doing it instead of the MC catching her already doing it.

Personally, I would welcome this change mostly because you already explained there were two routes planned for that character with camgirling not being a thing on the love path. That would mean this activity isn't vital to your story and we would still have the opportunity to explore the reasons that made her even considering it in the first place. So I think this rewrite could be a good thing and make a more wholesome experience with Hailey (and I would be grateful for it cause her personality/model seems to be right up my alley but her job might definitely be definitely a turn-off on the more romantic path ).
Because of this, I think an interesting way to handle this would have been to make the MC have a direct influence on her "career path" (even unknowingly to the MC because that can't be something Hailey asks him point blank, we could have a choice in a conversation where the MC drops a comment that gives away what he thinks about camgirling) cause it would also make the corruption route even more spicy it the MC had a hand in it (I think it's more worthwhile to corrupt the innocent instead of corrupting even more someone who's already down the corruption path all by herself ).
Just my two cents obviously because I think both paths could be more enticing this way but at the end of the day, only you know what's best depending on what you have planned later on...

In any case, thanks for sharing your game and good luck working on the next version!

 

[MiltonPowers]

Hey TinyDogStudio, I found a few technical problems.

In one playthrough I didn't tell Sharron about Alice, and MC tells the girls 'His wife will find out", but all she said was she'd try and convince him to talk to MC.

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I know you fixed the name thing, but I also noticed a number of times when a name is general conversation, it is not capitalized like in this shot.

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And a spelling mistake. It's candidates.

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Good luck with future updates, buddy. Promising start.

 

[Naps-On-Dirt]

This is a work a progress and the first version of the game so changing anything isn't necessarily misguided (and probably a better time to do so than remaking stuff one year from now like we see sometimes... Right now, the butterfly effect would be minimal and the dev wouldn't feel the invisible pressure from many patrons hungry for new content ) if the dev actually agrees with some of the feedback. Obviously, changing anything just because he felt pressured to do so would set a bad precedent like you said but changing something because he feels it can enhance his game somehow would just be a dev being humble enough to use feedback to make a product he likes even more (and might also please more people but on that part, since you'll never please everyone, it shouldn't be your main motivation unless you're only in it for the money but I'd like to think most of these indie projects are born from passion and dedication instead of greed ).

I concur. 0.1 versions are here for feedback, best way for devs to get free spell checking and bug reports. But its also a good way for a dev to get new insights from perspectives they hadn't considered before. In a recent 0.1 release of a different game, the MC's teacher uses a ploy to get him to stay after class to ask him a favor. The dev is obviously not an introvert and wrote the scene in such a way that it caused a bunch of negative reactions for both how the teacher handled it (which the introverts felt would have been uncomfortable and humiliating in front of the class) and the lack of adequate reaction options from the MC about it (All there was was a "no thanks", when us introverts wanted to be able to say "fuck no, and fuck you" before storming off.) The 0.1.1 came out a few days later and that scene is no longer a distraction from the story, I had no reservations accepting the teachers proposal.

 

[zilzmaer]

...The mentality that women being interested in/liking sex makes them a whore/slut is a childish one...

you're not wrong, but that's not the issue here; the issue is that she's selling her body. it's a pretty different thing than just being interested in sex.

...it would also make the corruption route even more spicy it the MC had a hand in it (I think it's more worthwhile to corrupt the innocent instead of corrupting even more someone who's already down the corruption path all by herself )...

this is just my personal taste, but if the idea were that she's innocent and the protag corrupts her into camgirling, i'd rather it be a deliberate choice on the part of the protag. as corruption paths go, doing it with intent is a lot more compelling to me than having the corruption be accidental.

 

[ryansFLYIN]

In a recent 0.1 release of a different game, the MC's teacher uses a ploy to get him to stay after class to ask him a favor. The dev is obviously not an introvert and wrote the scene in such a way that it caused a bunch of negative reactions for both how the teacher handled it (which the introverts felt would have been uncomfortable and humiliating in front of the class) and the lack of adequate reaction options from the MC about it (All there was was a "no thanks", when us introverts wanted to be able to say "fuck no, and fuck you" before storming off.) The 0.1.1 came out a few days later and that scene is no longer a distraction from the story, I had no reservations accepting the teachers proposal.

If you're talking about that game with the curly-headed MC who's a French exchange student... I remember playing the 2nd update and being confused when I replayed it and I didn't hate the teacher when I was pretty sure I told her to fuck right off the first time around. That was a good change because the first iteration she was just a cunt for the sake of being a cunt.

Taking feedback isn't selling out, and the people that say that it is are just as bad as the "you need to change this character how I want or I'm putting your game on ignore" people. They make the claim that the dev should do what they want... but "no, not like that!" if its something they don't agree with.

If the dev wants to participate here and listen to feedback, let them. They're an adult - no one is forcing them to make any changes. Do you think published authors get it right on the first go? Fuck no, they don't. They have a publisher or editor who tells them to go back and change a scene to make a character more likably to the audience all the time.

Personally, I don't like sex workers as love interests, and that includes camgirls. So it's in my interest to see the scene changed. Since the topic is opened, then I like the idea of her thinking about it and the MC confronting her before she does. That way if you want to corrupt her, you can encourage her. Or if you don't like that, you can discourage her. How does she come up with the idea? Well, she mentioned money problems. Even if she's super shy, she could have some friend or acquaintance - maybe she does it and the MC overhears a phone call or discussion where the friend is telling her how great the money is. Honestly, there are a few ways for the wheels to start spinning but never gain traction.

Dev should do what they want, even if that includes accepting feedback/making changes.

 

[Havenless_]

Aww cmon, why does the harem route have to be the corruption route?

It could simply be split into romance/corruption. And in both you can have the harem. If you want a relationship with just one girl, you just pursue that girl's route, choosing whether to corrupt or romance her. If you want to go for the harem, you go for all the girls and choose their respective route.

I think there are a lot of harem players who prefer wholesome stories and/or romances. Leaving the harem route exclusively for corruption seems like a pretty bad idea to me.

 

[zilzmaer]

probably because it's not very romantic to be cheating on six different girls simultaneously, nor is it romantic to be fine with being cheated on. in fact, that's pretty corrupt. one might even think there could be a route based around such corruption; perhaps we could call it a corruption route?

 

[TinyDogStudio]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I am enjoying reading them all.

I have already rewrote and changed Hailey's story in regards to her camgirl activities. The kitchen scene now plays first where you can decide if she should become a camgirl or not. If you approve then you will see the scene where she is streaming at night. If you choose to disapprove you get a different scene that will be available in the next update.

I actually like the revised version better and prefer it over the way it was before, so I'm happy to have changed it.

 

[Forgotted]

Otherwise, the orphan talk seems a tiny bit silly (to me anyway..unless I have something wrong...which is pretty likely..)
I mean, the mc was already an adult when his father died, so not an orphan.

The girls are all pretty enough. Good job

They could give a tiny bit more info on the story...I understand trying to keep things a mystery, but
not enough information doesn't help. (Though I think the story might be picking up now..)

Cheers
Best of luck

 

[TinyDogStudio]

Otherwise, the orphan talk seems a tiny bit ignorant (to me anyway..unless I have something wrong...which is pretty likely..)
I mean, the mc was already an adult when his father died, so not an orphan.

Months back when I first wrote the synopsis, I wasn't sure about using the term. I had Googled if it was correct to use it for someone who was already 18 (no longer a child) and got mixed results. Because the main characters mother is not in the picture, I wanted a word that told people that with the loss of his father he now had no parents left. I guess it's not really relevant though and the MC having no family is written in the game anyways. I went ahead and rewrote the summary. Thanks for bringing it up and getting me thinking about it again.

 

[Forgotted]

Gotcha,
Anyway, I still think you've done an amazing job.
Going from a 'blank piece of paper' to an idea, story, script, images, and everything else
involved to a fully released game. I'd imagine it's a pretty neat feeling watching folks download/play it.



At the moment I have 2 different saves to see how much of a difference my choices will make.

Still waiting for one of the women to smack the MC up side his head when they catch him staring... lol


Anywho
Cheers

 

[Penumbral Evanescence]

Hey all, hope you are enjoying your day so far. Noticing some of the conversation is derailing into off-topic territory by discussing prostitution, cam girls, and the career transition from modelling to prostitution. Just a kind reminder as per General Rules #2.1.3, states do not branch the topic into posting about random unrelated discussions. As such, please ensure to take such off-topic discussions to DMs or on another platform like Discord should you wish to discuss them there. All discussions in these threads should be kept on-topic and be about the game/content/creator/etc. Thank you for your cooperation and wishing you all a great rest of your day/week ahead.

 

[我永远喜欢Eternum]

not a fetishistic one

Maybe it is. MC stopped peeking and closed the door and have no choice. LET ME SEE!!!

 

[Chris2041]

I concur. 0.1 versions are here for feedback, best way for devs to get free spell checking and bug reports. But its also a good way for a dev to get new insights from perspectives they hadn't considered before. In a recent 0.1 release of a different game, the MC's teacher uses a ploy to get him to stay after class to ask him a favor. The dev is obviously not an introvert and wrote the scene in such a way that it caused a bunch of negative reactions for both how the teacher handled it (which the introverts felt would have been uncomfortable and humiliating in front of the class) and the lack of adequate reaction options from the MC about it (All there was was a "no thanks", when us introverts wanted to be able to say "fuck no, and fuck you" before storming off.) The 0.1.1 came out a few days later and that scene is no longer a distraction from the story, I had no reservations accepting the teachers proposal.

What Game ? Name please

 

[rafaaa]

how many episodes the game willl have?
TinyDogStudio

 

[rafaaa]

Renders are good and story it can be interesting but its still to soon to kow. Hope that the game has more choices and that the choices have impact on the story and the relations with the girls, hope there is more choices to choose (instead of 2 to have 3) in the future,hope that the girls arent all slutty,hope there is more girls. The game has potential but the dev cant get lost on the story,have more choices with impact on story and relations with girls. Needs a tutorial explaining what is the difference between clear heart and captive heart.

 

[scooterman]

I'm having an issue with the content looping from the time you meet with Naomi (teacher) and you need to pick accept/decline. Once I pick one and the conversation ends it goes back to Alice giving me a BJ in bed. No matter what I pick between these two, it always loops. Anyone else getting this??

 

[Saphfire]

Not a bad first episode, looking forwaed to the next update.

 

[Fantek120]

ouh