HTML Carlo Vaz: A tale of Football [UEFA Youth League] [Carlo Vaz]

[Sabie69]

First of all, thank you for sharing your game.

I think this could be an interesting game, but there is still a lot to do.
I don't think it's a smart idea to create a Patreon account with this small amount of content.
And don't make the video scenes too long, no one would watch a 4 minute video sequence.

At the moment I can't say it's a playable version because it's a linear story that ends in 5 minutes.

It is just the start but yeah i would remove most of patreon links and next update would be playable for like 1 hour at least as it has most of the content of the story but the 4 minutes videos are for the patreons which are bonus. long videos wouldn't be included in the main game and this is a linear story not a sandbox and eventually choices will be included

 

[Sabie69]

It is you who don´t undertand anything...

Well Then what do you know about catalonia or europe as a whole

 

[Sabie69]

I know you are a "3 percent" guy who claims to be a Liverpool fan and makes one of the worst games I have seen in this forum to defend and promote a team that, if we take the Spanish Penal Code and read all the offenses, we end up before citing the offenses for which the Spanish police and judicial system has not investigated your real team than for which it has been investigated. And the worst of all is that I have not told a single lie.

No Problem Mate and I am not promoting Barcelona as there is going to be a transfer in the next update I am working on and you will surely be blown away by it as it has new choices which affect the course of your career and all new scenes and a sandbox style hotel room after every match this update will surely be big but yeah I did not say that you lied and yeah mate chill don't take everything serious it's life Enjoy

 

[Sabie69]

Ok then, I don't like writing hater messages even though it may seem otherwise, if I don't have anything good to write I usually prefer not to write anything. But your game still has a long way to go at all levels. I have also been a Liverpool fan since I saw players like John Barnes, Kenny Dalglish and Peter Beardsley many decades ago. But it's my second team, and I would only create a game about my team. I promise I won't write in this thread again.

Hey Chill mate i accept it has a long way to go and my favourite player is Robbie Fowler and you can comment

 

[Arkie Rebel]

*Soccer.... it's a tale of soccer.

 

[Skyxee]

Bro, I wish you nothing but the best, but this is literally nothing. Somebody said that there is about 5 mins of content here and that is wrong. There is 2 at most. 3 if you read every paragraph. Making patreon content immidietly is stupid imo. You're a new dev and have almost no base content to warrant asking for money (meaning that you don't have enough value to give a potential supporter).

Do patreon at some point, sure, but you have to give people more than 6 pages of content (if this can even be called that) before asking for money. Also, if you are going to make the game primarily in english, please put more effort into translating/writing or get someone to proofread stuff for you because in its current state many sentences are unreadable.

Heres the first thing i read, and the first half-stroke I had while going trough this:

Spoiler: text

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Again, wish you nothing but the best with this endeavour, but what you are currently offering is very weak and the immidiate inclusion of patreon content just makes you look greedy.

 

[Sabie69]

Bro, I wish you nothing but the best, but this is literally nothing. Somebody said that there is about 5 mins of content here and that is wrong. There is 2 at most. 3 if you read every paragraph. Making patreon content immidietly is stupid imo. You're a new dev and have almost no base content to warrant asking for money (meaning that you don't have enough value to give a potential supporter).

Do patreon at some point, sure, but you have to give people more than 6 pages of content (if this can even be called that) before asking for money. Also, if you are going to make the game primarily in english, please put more effort into translating/writing or get someone to proofread stuff for you because in its current state many sentences are unreadable.

Heres the first thing i read, and the first half-stroke I had while going trough this:

Spoiler: text

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Again, wish you nothing but the best with this endeavour, but what you are currently offering is very weak and the immidiate inclusion of patreon content just makes you look greedy.

I know it and i am removing the patreon right now but I ensure you that the next update will bring a lot of things like choices loan offers and almost 40 to 50 mins of content to play as I will cover every single match and 6 new scenes with 6 different girls and yeah i am removing patreon

 

[Skyxee]

I know it and i am removing the patreon right now but I ensure you that the next update will bring a lot of things like choices loan offers and almost 40 to 50 mins of content to play as I will cover every single match and 6 new scenes with 6 different girls and yeah i am removing patreon

As I said, I wish you the best with this project. I'll be sure to try it out when you release it.

 

[Sabie69]

As I said, I wish you the best with this project. I'll be sure to try it out when you release it.

Thanks Mate

 

[Sabie69]

The New update will be live in 6 hours or so and again there are choices and no patreon(older patreon links are also removed)

 

[Sabie69]

The Update is live now guys

 

[Skyxee]

As promised, I've checked it out. There are some good things, but I think that there is still a lot you need to do (and im not talking about adding more content).

First, the good. You have chosen pretty good porn (im not talking about weather i personally like it or not, but instead about duration and quality of videos), scenes and other visuals. What I also like is how you portray later games with simple choices and visual presentations of whats happening (I'm specifically talking about you showing a clip or visual from a real game to show a goal or a result of a play).

Now, the bad. There are a lot of problems here, imo. Your 2 biggest problems seem to revolve around the pacing the story and general writing.

Pacing: Some parts of the story just randomly leap to different places (I'm reffering to both location of characters as well as the topics/situations the character is in) from time to time and I think you should look into fixing that.

General Writing: The writing problem is bigger than the pacing one and the thing that I belive you should focus on. Your sentences are often either too long, have poor grammar, are generally confusing or a combination of all 3.

I think that if you put more effort into tightening the script and making sure it is grammatically and otherwise correctly written, as well as keep up with the decent quality of visuals, you may have something decent to offer here.

 

[Sabie69]

As promised, I've checked it out. There are some good things, but I think that there is still a lot you need to do (and im not talking about adding more content).

First, the good. You have chosen pretty good porn (im not talking about weather i personally like it or not, but instead about duration and quality of videos), scenes and other visuals. What I also like is how you portray later games with simple choices and visual presentations of whats happening (I'm specifically talking about you showing a clip or visual from a real game to show a goal or a result of a play).

Now, the bad. There are a lot of problems here, imo. Your 2 biggest problems seem to revolve around the pacing the story and general writing.

Pacing: Some parts of the story just randomly leap to different places (I'm reffering to both location of characters as well as the topics/situations the character is in) from time to time and I think you should look into fixing that.

General Writing: The writing problem is bigger than the pacing one and the thing that I belive you should focus on. Your sentences are often either too long, have poor grammar, are generally confusing or a combination of all 3.

I think that if you put more effort into tightening the script and making sure it is grammatically and otherwise correctly written, as well as keep up with the decent quality of visuals, you may have something decent to offer here.

I will surely look into it in the new update which has a new league system introduced and is a very slow portrayal of story imagine playing 36 games the story size would be almost tripled and thanks mate for your feedback

 

[kobasica147]

And I foolishly thought the one with Hitler can't be topped.

what do zou mean, which game

 

[zc881010]

LMAO