It's not bad, but despite the nigh perfect grammar, pacing, etc... The MC's behavior is just a little too much to stomach at times, so I can't in good faith recommend it beyond 'give it a try, I guess'.
Why do I dislike the MC's behavior? Because often times it actually feels like I'm inside the mind of an incel, or a schizo, or maybe the school shooter you never saw coming? The dude is incredibly ill and borderline crazy, and while a lot of this is supposed to be... uplifting? It just seems like it's sending the entirely wrong message, and I don't see where the big reversal on it all is going to come from.
Some concrete examples:
- First 10 minutes or so of reading was incredibly unpleasant. MC is a dude who's pretty much given up on life, and it's tough to read. Really reads like school shooter, about to kill himself, etc. vibes.
- The dude talks to himself. A lot. Now, that isn't a problem -- we all do it -- but it's written like how a mad man would do it. Fun at times, but ultimately, I don't find it to be the likable kind of crazy, a.k.a eccentric.
- There's one scene where the MC gets mad, drags a character around, and then goes on this angry, edgy, narcissitic rant about all the things he's going to do in retaliation for spoiler things. Why can't he be calm and normal? Why does he have to give school shooter vibes? I'm supposed to want to root for this guy, for christs sake.
- Longass flashback where we find the reason for the MC's crippling depression is... melodramatic at best, childish at worst. Not to mention the flashback seemed to come from nowhere, with no real obvious foreshadowing I could see that that was the MC's problem all along. Whole sequence just kind of fell flat for me and painted the MC in a worse light. More foreshadowing? More reasons for me to emphasize with the MC? Idk, the sequence just didn't work for me and only made me hate the MC more.
- Our MC starts making some progress with women, and as one of them's confessing to him, he quite literally goes crazy-eyed and starts arguing with himself internally on whether to use her for easy sex or not. Shit is batshit insane and not cool at all, but no one in the game seems to be saying it's so. Hate it.
- He exhibits some behavior that is about the most quintessential incel shit for trying to get a girl to like them that I almost cried. I've had real-life friends that did the shit the MC's doing... at more than half his age. It's just, agh, can you make this guy come off as a bigger loser? If the ending somehow comes out as that entire sequence not being about the girl playing him, I might lose my faith in humanity. Holy shit.
-There are some scenes where the MC almost 'whines' a lot, and while the initial banter is great, I feel there are a few scenes where the banter ends up being dragged on for just a little too long. Once the jokes and arguments start getting repeated, that's when we're reaching the tedium of a real-life argument as well, and I just want to tune out and leave. The initial part is almost always good though, so it's more the extra stuff to soldify the MC's personality as insufferable that makes me annoyed.
Anyways, TLDR?
Read my first paragraph. Just wish the MC were more sympathetic/likable/at least showing signs of becoming more likable instead of worse.