Seeing as you want to keep pulling me back in...
For people saying it wasn't about the Kiss, it was all about the kiss. If the kiss didn't happen the Leon and Clara fuck scene wouldn't have happened. The kiss is used as a spark for her to cheat on Alan with Leon.
I stand by what I have said, it's a broken story that make little to no sense.
The Clara, Alan, and Anna team has been a team for 3 years. Fuck boy Leon has no ties, their team would be tight working together. Clara would have no reason to trust Leon or anything he does. So why would she push her husband away and let Leon who has a checkered past with her husband get close? Makes no sense.
Fact of the matter is her husband is right there and with in arms reach, she tells him to not come around so much. But then lets Leon visit her at all hours of the night. It just doesn't make sense.
They can spend time at the park, the theater, and eating. Even fucking in his motel room, but god forbid it gets out they're husband wife or dating. We'll just upload as picture to show everyone who I'm involved with on an APP controlled by specter and tell them I'm involved someone.
I mean seriously, Leon tells her 'Alan is not here.', Yeah no shit, he's right down the hall... Her response should have been yeah I know he should be, how about you leave and I'll call my husband and talk to him. I'm sure there's an explanation for what I saw.
Then after the sex scene, she wakes up in the morning and looks at her phone at all the missed calls from Alan. Um, yeah she didn't hear the phone go off once.
She wants Alan's trust, yet completely doesn't trust him over a kiss, not even enough to give him a chance to explain.
The story doesn't make her look like a strong willed independent woman, it makes her look like a huge slut that can't get enough dick from Leon when her husband is right there. Unless you choose to let her down all the time.
The Clara and Leon sex scene came way to quick over something so small.
You have no control over it, even if you're playing it from all the views.
Then we have an APP that is introduced to the VN, which is from another VN about a college. So, it's even a bit unoriginal in that respect too. Yet another way to force her to have sex and do things that the player has no control over. I mean can't we get control over if we want to pay to avoid something or not?
She does her thing in the theater, where you can plainly see she has the money to avoid it, yet she just decided to do it... Makes no sense.
She does all this and hides it all from her team when she could easily let her husband know what was going on.
Leon is sus as fuck for always being in the right place at the right time. But Clara, the smart intelligent elite agent, doesn't see this or question how he's always there.
Smart and intelligent, independent are not words I would describe the elite assassin that is trained to operate alone or with a team.
There's nothing wrong with following your plan Dev. But, when the masses tell you there is something wrong, maybe, just maybe, you should listen. It's not even a huge change, it's simple, give people the choice with Clara, more options never hurt things. Allow the Leon and Clara sex scene to not happen if the player wills it, maybe one choice is sex and the other is heavy petting with her stopping it before it get's too far. I'm sure many people would accept that more than the way it is now.
For fuck sakes, she sees him kiss Anna and then fucks Leon because of it. Yet she sees a picture of Alan grabbing Anna's tit and kicks him out if you do nothing and trust her. Or if you listen in through Alexa she lets him rub her but not put it in (not to mention they Leon jumps the gun and accuses Alan, what if it was someone else or mr. X). Clara accepts that with out question, it could only be Alan because Leon said so...
No response from Clara, like I get it Alan is worried about me. Or thank god he's watching out for me. Just, oh he's trying to spy, hurry rub your dick on my pussy! That will teach him! Again makes no sense.
I hate to say it, but her husband is the tech person in the group. Leon is an outsider to the team and someone Alan doesn't trust (Clara doesn't either), he wouldn't be setting shit up in Clara's apartment, her team would. Not only that Clara's apartment would be bugged and have camera's in it that Alan and Anna would monitor. Clara would be tracked by phone or a bug at all times.
I also doubt very seriously she would tell her husband to not come around so much to her bug free apartment. They would be spending time together as they live so close, it was the whole point of him being her secretary, so they were close.
Let the player choose if they do something from the APP or pay it off to skip it.
The story makes no sense the way it is put out when you look at the over all story.
Good luck to you Dev, I hope you complete your project. Consider what people are saying here and maybe look back over your story from the outside. Consider giving readers a bit more control, you don't have to force anything to have a good story, all you have to do is lead them in that direction.
I've seen well written VNs that have choices for avoiding everything in it, but based on past choices some of those are not selectable. For instance if you didn't support Clara up to the Leon sex scene, then the only option you might get is to have sex. If you supported her you get the sex option and a option to avoid it, at least to some degree like I described above (heavy petting maybe, still cheating just a bit lighter). You have no option to tell Leon not to cum in her, just little things like this.
But again you do you and write it the way you want, ignoring everyone telling you there's something wrong with the story.
