Ren'Py Dissonance [v0.13] [L_Elyot]

[Xotanyx]

I'm am absolutely loving the game. Except for one thing.

Naturally.

Dev, if you happen to read this, please please, strike that word from your written vocabulary. As another amateur writer, I know I do the same thing, sometimes in the same paragraph. I know how easy it is to fall into these patterns. And it wouldn't be so bad if it was only one character that said this particular word. However, multiple characters all reply to statements and questions with the word "Naturally." before elaborating. I bet you'll find close to thirty instances of the word if you crtl+f your whole script.

It's not the worst thing you could do as far as the writing is concerned, but I highly recommend making this phrase only a Suzu thing or just removing it altogether moving forward. Nothing makes all the characters feel like one incoherent blob more than when they all use the same phraseology.

 

[SlidingSubject]

I'm am absolutely loving the game. Except for one thing.

Naturally.

Dev, if you happen to read this, please please, strike that word from your written vocabulary. As another amateur writer, I know I do the same thing, sometimes in the same paragraph. I know how easy it is to fall into these patterns. And it wouldn't be so bad if it was only one character that said this particular word. However, multiple characters all reply to statements and questions with the word "Naturally." before elaborating. I bet you'll find close to thirty instances of the word if you crtl+f your whole script.

It's not the worst thing you could do as far as the writing is concerned, but I highly recommend making this phrase only a Suzu thing or just removing it altogether moving forward. Nothing makes all the characters feel like one incoherent blob more than when they all use the same phraseology.

41 instances if you search for naturally.

Spoiler: Big Table

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

And that's only counting when it's said by characters, not the narrator or inner thoughts.

 

[harrytrumankr]

I'm am absolutely loving the game. Except for one thing.

Naturally.

Dev, if you happen to read this, please please, strike that word from your written vocabulary. As another amateur writer, I know I do the same thing, sometimes in the same paragraph. I know how easy it is to fall into these patterns. And it wouldn't be so bad if it was only one character that said this particular word. However, multiple characters all reply to statements and questions with the word "Naturally." before elaborating. I bet you'll find close to thirty instances of the word if you crtl+f your whole script.

It's not the worst thing you could do as far as the writing is concerned, but I highly recommend making this phrase only a Suzu thing or just removing it altogether moving forward. Nothing makes all the characters feel like one incoherent blob more than when they all use the same phraseology.

Agreed, Elyot is REALLY weak when it comes to phraseology

 

[aleafinthewind]

Oh, our first Bad End! Can I just say that I love that the game over actually feels like a proper (albeit bittersweet) ending, and even reveals a few plot and lore points that the regular route hasn't yet? That kind of thing is rare in indy VNs; it reminds me of Nasu.

Nao openly flirting with the MC feels weird to me. She gave a vague hint that she was interested in a previous update, but her sudden innuendo assault kind of came out of nowhere.

I was going to say it feels like she hasn't been developed enough to be a love interest yet, but looking back she's one of the most commonly present characters in the game. She just tends to take a supporting role in nearly every scene she's in, which combined with her avoiding opening up about personal stuff (as she mentioned this update) means we still don't know much about her other than she's helpful, mischievous, and hates her parents but loves her sister.

I hope we get more scenes with Nao in the spotlight soon. We need our smirking cat!

 

[ultralich]

This VN is really, REALLY good. All the characters are complex and endearing, the plot is very interesting and thickened considerably, can't wait to see more in the future updates. Several thoughts about characters:
1. Niwa is precious.
2. Sayuri is an extremely good girl and deserves all of the good things in life.
3. The banter with Sumu is hilarious. She's in the process of slowly mellowing out and I actually like that it's a slow process.
4. Nao has too little development, I agree with the previous poster there.
5. Kyoko's jealousy is cute.
6. Niwa is precious.

 

[Razredge]

When I was a teenager I would love VNs, I'd read/play almost every night. And due to some personal reasons I decided to get back to VNs, I tried a couple ones before, but I wasn't too engaged with them (I didn't even bother to remember the names). But eventually I arrived at this one. In all honesty, I wasn't expecting much but I still gave it a chance. And boy, am I glad I gave this a fair shot. This VN blew my mind! I've found the story to be quite engaging, and I'm very excited for this VNs future! Plus, the last update actually delivered many things that I was hoping to see -- plot development, some answers, many more questions, and a whole lot of lore. I guess I had a perfect timing, because I just found this series out, and I finished all the 0.12 content just a couple of days before this update dropped.

To say I'm very much looking forward to anything and everything to came from this story might be a little too broad, so I'll name just a few of the things I look forward the most (in no particular order of preference): I hope that the "blockage" preventing the MC to connect with Eri will be resolved. I would love to see the connection with Nao progress further, she did drop some hints in the past but this update she finally seems to have crossed the proverbial line. Also I would love to see how the next interactions with Suzu are gonna develop after their date. And, finally, I love Chiyo as a character and interactions with her, so long as she appears in any degree in the next update that's goint to make the wait worth it.

My compliments to L_Elyot. Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to what the future holds!

 

[Kaiser Crab]

Art Style reminds me A LOT of Lessons in Love. I say this as a compliment. Downloading.

 

[shmurfer]

Art Style reminds me A LOT of Lessons in Love. I say this as a compliment. Downloading.

Both are Koikatsu games, they'll all look similar.

 

[SlidingSubject]

Both are Koikatsu games, they'll all look similar.

I think it depends, to me LiL resembles mostly the ones who do the particular modifications or camera angles with the models that Selebus does. Maybe he didn't pioneer them, but he's the one I first noticed that did that, because holy shit, I hadn't realized until I went through many KK slop games (which this one definitely isn't) that most models are pretty much 10head at least.

 

[notBatman747]

I don't comment often but I finally got around to play latest update(0.13) and just wanted to say that I enjoyed it very much. We got a lot of answers and new questions and first

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Can't wait to see what the future holds. L_Elyot is cooking good stuff.