It might be a good idea to add something like a decreased chance to get stunned if the character has spent the previous turn(s) stunned or something like what monster girl dreams does with the immunity to stun for a couple turns after 'waking' from one.
Also, what in the goddamn is a yamabiko?
Additionally, in the headpat scene(of course I chose that, I love dogs), it states that Maya presses 'itself' against the player. While I am familiar with your use of themself, this is new(and technically objectification).
P.s. I can appreciate giving players another way of fighting but the sex battles, when I've seen them, have been side options. Why would someone spec towards libido when there are two stats that reduce damge taken, one stat for physical damage, one stat for magic damage, one stat for overcoming enemy defense, one stat for health and one stat for cooldown reduction? Wouldn't it make more sense for there to be either an exploration mode more focused on libido use or a way for libido to be used in regular combat.
It also just comes acros(to me) as a little strange that these girls just agree to sex like that(moreso for Maya whose confidence seems quite shell like) in this relatively 'sane' world. To reuse an example, Lucidia in monstergirl dreams is a perverted world where monstergirls regularly consume semen for nutrition/power and where the land was cursed to only allow combat of the sexual variety. In this world(the divine dawn one) I don't see any in universe reason as to why fights are sometimes performed in sex competitions.
Seperately, do buffs from different sources not stack? I used Taunt alpha and defensive strike alpha and it only counted the +8 from def. strike, at a duration of 3 turns like taunt. Subpsequent uses of def, strike also pushed it back up to 3 turns, but only if it followed a taunt.
And I noticed that, after beating the shit out of Maya in the field(during the event where you can repeat the first meeting event with no new dialogue for repeat options), she was left with but one singular point of health for the rest of the exploration. While I understand why you might want to have the chance to see the other events(even though you can battle her normally in sparring and fuck battle in the camp if you visit her) it seems a bit unnescessarily punishing to leave the player with one party member on one health and the other, possibly, on very low health in the middle of an exploration.
Subsequently(does that count as a reuse?), after winning a spar with Maya, she states that she knew there was a reason she 'kept us up around here.', I don't think up really fits in there.
Furthermore, if agility only gives a glancing hit chance if equal to your level, won't that make it near useless as a secondary stat for characters that don't use the agility skills? Maybe it could affect your initiative, though I'm not sure that would work with the current initiative system, or maybe it could just be combined with dex and instead ad a luck stat to govern the crit rate with the chance of glancing being also being given to this new stat. The glancing being dependent on your level to stat relation has also made levelling up a danger for agility based characters who want to spent their points personally as the level up will cause their 50% chance will drop to 0%. The same can also be said for vitality and its mitigation effect, though it would seem obvious that it could just give a health boost dependent on its level.
I would also just in general dicourage using(too many) stat equal to level bonuses as, with the current static 3 stat points per level, it makes it all the more clear that the player should just focus on two or three stats and, with the auto spent thing, it makes levelling up a lot more of a cookie clicker-esque 'oh number go up' thing rather than atleast thinking about spreading stats out. Currently this problem seems like it is most present for agility weapon users, just do agility and vitality and just like that the only choice you have is dex for crits or insight for dr mitigation.
By the way, in the 2 affection scene with maya, after patting her head, it states 'the rough texture contrasted against the wonderfully soft texture of her floppy ears' but the sentence leaves what is roughly textured somewhat vague, I assume it is the players hand but I can't be certaing from the sentence as it includes no indication of what, it also contains no reference to a thing. (I.E. 'It's rough texture', 'the/your hands rought texture')
By the by(bit lazy, I know), we're gonna meet and then fuck Amaterasu and/or Tiamat, aren't we?
Superceding that(if that even means what I think it does), in Celica's first training event, after she tells the player to take a seat so they can begin, it says 'now that she used to be'. I believe it should be than not that.
The first line she says after that is 'I think we should start from the basics.' from what I can remember the expression went start with the basics not from.
In the same text box she says 'It's important to cultivate a holistic understanding of the element to attune to it. For all ellements, especially for water.' I feel the sentence would flow better as 'of an element to attune to it. even more/moreso for water' or 'of the elements to attune to them. even more/moreso for water'. I feel this makes the sentence flow better than with the clunky addendum of 'for all elements'.
The following text box also contains 'melts into flowing prose', I'll admit, I had to look that one up but from what I found the words 'flowing' and 'melts' seems a little out of place here. Btw, the description I found put prose as ' written or spoken language in its ordinary form, without metrical structure' in the used form and ' talk tediously' when used as a verb.
It also states that she goes into an academic form of speech and she then immediately calls something horseshit. I realize it might just be that you want her to sound at least a bit laid back but after saying how she starts talking in a 'prose' tone it feels a little disjointed.
This doesn't count as a seperate topic, it's just paragraphing for readability.
In the horseshit sentence she keeps using ', or' which is not only non-academic, it's also grammatically incorrect. Either use comma's for all but the last option or use or for all of them.(atleast grammatically, acamically I would suggest to give one example of the emotions and one example of the priciples, no more than that)
You could also just combine the first two sentences of this text box into 'First of all(could be shortened to first), water isn't *example* or *example*' the last sentences could also be turned into 'It doesn't care about(or cares not for) any emotion or morality, It simply is and does as it is commanded to' I am adding the commanded to thing before fully reading this scene, just fyi. I left out the case in point as, having read ahead slightly for once, she just goes on explaining without ever giving a demonstration.
Two textboxes later she says 'Like Air, it shares motion', I think you mean has not shares.
Also it seems kind of hypocritical to say that water doesn't represent a feeling/emotion/principle and call all of that horseshit, to then say water and air represent wisdom and intelligence, respectively.
The part where Celica says 'You have to comprehend all of the parts of the whole as connected, understood not as much on their own merits as by what they form together.' I would suggest instead putting it as 'You have to comprehend not just these ideas but how they interconnect to make something greater than the sum of its parts.' It is also followed by 'It is not just raindrops and feelings' which feels like it could use and 'about'.
You should probably also finish the analogy at the end of the presceding textbox by naming the whole they could form I.E. a bridge(a stone one at least) or a castle/house.
I know this is quite a lot of critique but you decided to go for an academic tone and I just so happen to like pretending to be smart by reading academic stuff.
Technically, if it is indeed a cycle, one would expect it to 'flow' from one idea to another, not to embody it all at the same time like a pool.
In the last line of that textbox it seems kind of unnescessary to add 'the mage' instead of just 'the one/person'. This is very much just an argument stemming from my own writing style, moreso than the other ones I mean.
In the next textbox you seem to have missed a capitalization on the first water as it seems to refer to the element not the liquid.
In the same textbox you put 'strategic scale magic' not only is this a concept that is unlikely to exist in a medeival inspired world, it's also not something that has the same meaning for everyone and is likely to leave some people confused. While I get that it sounds lamer, just saying large scale or perhaps city scale might make it easier to understand for a broader audience.
Also I don't get the waves example at the end there, isn't a tsunami already just a large wave?
You used two technicals to describe the explanation, I suggest using a synonym. It also doesn't sound very technical to use 'horseshit', yes I've really internalized that one.
Yet again(Oh, I should use that later!), it's almost like I'm nitpicking and longwinded, doesn't it?
In the follow up after the choice and the choice-specific dialogue, you use a comma before and after a 'but', if you want to emphasize a word, especially just after a comma, just use italics.
The textbox where it uses that also ends with a 'yeah?' and given the whole 'technical' thing, it might be better to use 'alright'.
The next textbox where she's explaing things, she suddenly uses 'Water-elemental magic', isn't it just water magic? The elemental part feels a bit clunky and unnescessary.
In the same textbox she also says 'the specifics are, well, up for some debate', personally, I think 'kind of up for debate' sounds better as it doesn't mess with the figure of speech.
She also later corrects herself from swearing by correcting 'smug fucking cu-' to 'ivorytower intellectuals', further showing that the horseshit is out of place.
You also use the dubble comma thing multiple more times, from that I summarize that it is indeed to emphasize and that's fine, it just looks really weird with but as it is used to start a new (sub?)sentence so at first glance the sentence looks like it's over before it even starts.
In the bit where she explains why she came along, other than discovering the arcane secrets, it would probably help to put empasize on 'you' in the line 'That Sam didn't get you in trouble, I mean.'
It also looks weird that she says 'she's free to get into whatever trouble they want in her own damn time.', I know what has been said previously about the use of they and her/him throughout the game/story but it just looks like you're talking about two different people if you use both in the same sentence. I just noticed I wrote she's instead of she in the quote and would like to say that it is actually more grammatically correct like that.
Just as an aside, do you write lines first with Sam as male or as female? Or do you just use they/them until you until specifically adjusting thing for that variable?
I'm not adding another paragraph so I'll read throught the other trainings with her later.
You use 'morass' in one of the internal dialogue textboxes(have I used that word enough yet?), the use here is perfectly fine, I just had no idea it was even a word in English. It's also a strategic-scale type critique as it's use is quite uncommon and, as you haven't used bog or swamp or mire or whatever else yet, it might be easier for a reader to use one of those instead.
In the same textbox you also use 'but almost as if...' and I would suggest adding a comma after the but, I know it goes against what I said previously but that's the difference in our writing styles right there.
You also reuse 'strategic-scale', see previous remark about that but if I mention it again I can make it more likely that when(/if) you decide to change it, you'll remember to change it there too. In a two birds one stone pun.
After changing topic, Celica says 'Rrrrright. So... similar etc.', seems like it should be more of a comma sized pause rather than a triple elipses one.
Some pretty nice lore talk after that, in my opinion, though the PC does say 'Don't wait for some good news. Make it.', the 'some' seems a little weird here. You could also make the period in between into a period, but that is some real nitpicking right there.
After that Celica(who I keep wanting to call Celice) says(?) 'water magic' whitout a capital W. Also she says 'To truly learn magic, you have to reach it's source.', feels like it could do with a 'type of' in front of magic possibly combined with the word elemental.
During the wrap up, after the internal monologue, Celica says 'after a point lecturing is useless, and you need...', I would put a certain before point and a comma and is incorrect.
After a cat pun: looking like the cat that got the cream, another comma or is used in the same inner textbox.
It also finishes of by informing the reader to come back in 0.10, a bit late for that.
And I'd just like to add after this long of a ramble, I comment like this because I want this game to improve because I like it so far. If I didn't care about this project I'd just scoff at my screen when something was of rather than comment(usually with suggestion).
