CAPTAIN'S LOG, DAY 250,
Your noble Space Captain has set sail for the stars once again and the crew are excited to be back into the deep space of F95 and patreon. The latest update of 'Where the heart is' was most pleasing! Though the absolute over the top nature of the villains, Natasha and Roger gave me and my crew flashbacks to Zany Nick Cage movies, (AHHHH THE BEEEES!) *cough* apologies, the memory still haunts me at night.
ICSTOR and DarkCookie prep for the latest updates, and we have refueled the engines for full speed ahead once the updates (and patches) are released. Thankfully, we once again managed to recruit some crew from the surviving shipwrecks during our time stranded, and NLT MEDIA provided tasty short updates, (best savored like Man of the house, where you really should just wait a update or two).
Ah but that's not why any of you are here is it? You want to know what has happened since the Gumdrops Void dropped many moons ago? Well, YOUR CAPTAIN DELIVERS! NOW, CUTTING TO A LIVE FOOTAGE FEED STRAIGHT FROM THE GUMDROPS DISCORD!
*Ahem* Uhh, as you can see, development moves quickly! There is little news in wake of the horror of the great delay, some bitchy in-fighting, the occasionally odd soul who penetrates it's wall to ask what the fuck is really going on. Poor poor fools, the discord with or without Gumdrops approval has formed a tight seal wall where NONE SHALLETH ASK THE OBVIOUS, PEASANTS! But, I must stay out of it, even though I rarely deal with Federation law, I must try stay neutral in such events. (Crew voted I'd probably get ban hammered anyway).
Truthfully though? It is a
wasteland of nothing...so there is nothing to report on but...well,
nothing.
I have had to sit back, watching out into the darkness of space while the crew have slept, and appreciate how far we've come. It's been many days of travel since we began this journey, yet so little with this game has actually changed, I have come to ask myself questions on the nature of humanity...
like, how many dutch angle jokes can be made before it stops becoming funny?
At one point, can a Noble Space Pirate's crew get bored of Lovecraftian jokes of madness and Nietzsche, when the game gives no other juicy banter to commentate on? (Seriously, someone give me some new material for Christ sake).
At what point does the constant delays stop becoming an in-meme, and just become a norm?
How can the 'dances' buildup ever hope to satisfy an audience with a wait time this extreme that even I, MONTHS in, are running out of things to report.
Is this a Adult game? Or a soap opera with some adult stuff thrown in?
Is this a game? Or a lost episode of the Stanley Parable?
Will Gumdrops ever understand we just want to shove the fucking useless pseudo-philosophical wannabe skeleton into a goddamn furnace?
At one points will the mods decide I've gone too far? (Legit thought my ship would have been confiscated by now).
In the end, I pray in my heart we will have deliverance, for only Gumdrops knows, locked in his fort of solitude, whether the content shall relieve me of these questions.
I sometimes wonder, whether Gumdrops or one of the hard devoted fans, ever reads this, feels the deep seated rage as they clench their teeth and fist thinking about me, and crawls away like Igor to report on what I'm saying? Or do they simply nod, laugh and smile at the absurdity of it all?
Who knows, but till then, I suffer in waiting for the answers to these questions.
Captain, signing off.