- Jun 8, 2021
- 685
- 2,028
Ok, I read it, ok start. I think some things need to change in the OP post though, like a real description of the story, and the planned tags.
The good: The visuals are pretty solid, The women look good, especially Abby. The pacing seems to be pretty quick, which hopefully should keep the story interesting. The is a story, it isn't the most interesting but it exists. The sets look like they are custom.
The bad: it all feels a bit formulaic, while yes there is a story, it isn't really interesting. The narrator is clearly written by AI, its extremely wordy for no reason, and it clashes with the rather plain writing of the characters.
The dialogue doesn't really feel that believable, they are words that people would say, but it just doesn't come across well when put together.
The initial release is really small, which means we dont really get a good feel of who the characters are, or their motivations, it still feels like things just 'happen', the MC applies for a job at his dads old company, Abby rubs one out after seeing the MCs boner, Linda is completely ok with the MC watching her shower, but why do they do this? Is it really just because they are turned on by him? Linda flirts with the MC on their first encounter in this game, it would be nice to see at least one or two normal interactions between them, where there isn't the air of "I wanna fuck you", it comes across as stunted, like why did they choose that time in specific to start being attracted to the MC?
There are grammar errors abound in the second half, its all understandable, but its still noticeable.
My unsolicited advice to the Dev: Drop the AI, only use it to spell check and grammar check your writing. The best part about the writing of the best projects on this site is often how the Devs personality comes across in their writing, personality that would get removed if they wrote with with AI.
keep going, a lot of great projects had rough starts, I hope to see you improve in the future
The good: The visuals are pretty solid, The women look good, especially Abby. The pacing seems to be pretty quick, which hopefully should keep the story interesting. The is a story, it isn't the most interesting but it exists. The sets look like they are custom.
The bad: it all feels a bit formulaic, while yes there is a story, it isn't really interesting. The narrator is clearly written by AI, its extremely wordy for no reason, and it clashes with the rather plain writing of the characters.
The dialogue doesn't really feel that believable, they are words that people would say, but it just doesn't come across well when put together.
The initial release is really small, which means we dont really get a good feel of who the characters are, or their motivations, it still feels like things just 'happen', the MC applies for a job at his dads old company, Abby rubs one out after seeing the MCs boner, Linda is completely ok with the MC watching her shower, but why do they do this? Is it really just because they are turned on by him? Linda flirts with the MC on their first encounter in this game, it would be nice to see at least one or two normal interactions between them, where there isn't the air of "I wanna fuck you", it comes across as stunted, like why did they choose that time in specific to start being attracted to the MC?
There are grammar errors abound in the second half, its all understandable, but its still noticeable.
My unsolicited advice to the Dev: Drop the AI, only use it to spell check and grammar check your writing. The best part about the writing of the best projects on this site is often how the Devs personality comes across in their writing, personality that would get removed if they wrote with with AI.
keep going, a lot of great projects had rough starts, I hope to see you improve in the future
