HTML Emilie Finds a Way [v0.8 Final] [Allworks]

3.60 star(s) 14 Votes

EvolutionKills

Well-Known Member
Jan 3, 2021
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I use one since Chapter 2 but maybe it is still not enough. I am trying my best and I really think I can't do better than that.

Are you sure they are a native English speaker? Are they allowed to make editorial changes, or are they only making sure it is at least understandable? Cause the writing is understandable, it's just very awkward and off-putting. For example...


Screenshot 2023-05-07 112204.png


"Emilie got on her four. He took it doggy style making her gasped as he was so deep inside her it was almost hurting.
"Fuck me harder Daddy!"
ordered Emilie, not taking no as an answer.
On this point he was thrilled to comply! and even grabbed her hairs. She arched her back even more yelling of excitment."


Got on her four what? Four limbs? You just wouldn't say that. The phrase you're looking for it something along the lines of 'Emilie got on all fours', with the 'four' being implied to be her four limbs in this context (the 'her' is also implied and not needed), as she's moving into the doggy-style position (you literally click on the option labeled 'Doggy' to get to this text).

The rest doesn't fare much better. 'it' feels both coldly impersonal and unspecified. What is the 'it' in that sense? Is 'it' Emilie? Then it should be 'He took her in the doggy style..." Having 'gasp' in the past tense is incorrect. "...was almost hurting" is an incredibly awkward and unnatural phrasing to get that idea across (e.g. improper past tense), and belies a non-native speaker.

More of a style correction. But in game, Emilie's specific dialogue is indented and separated form the sentences setting the scene both before and after. Even still, the "ordered Emilie, not taking no for an answer" is presented as it's own sentence, complete with a line break separating it from Emilie's dialogue. It therefore should be capitalized, since it's not being presented as one continuous sentence. Or perhaps lead with an ellipsis, denoting an explicit continuation of thought from the previous dialogue. But what it probably shouldn't be is just starting a new line with a lowercase letter.

"On this point he was thrilled to comply!" is a bit stiff, but probably wouldn't stand out as bad if the writing around it were more solid.

"and even grabbed her hairs." Okay, you ended the last sentence with an exclamation mark, so you need a capitol here. Or you could try combining both sentences with a comma and ending the entire thing with an exclamation mark. I'd probably go for the later, and also use that as a chance to add some more detail to flesh things out.

"She arched her back even more yelling of excitment." Excitement is just flat out misspelled. Nobody is 'yelling of excitement' either. She might be 'yelling in excitement'. You could also 'yell of excitement', making it singular and past tense. But 'yelling' would denote it being continuous as opposed to a singular utterance, and thus using 'of' just sounds wrong.


Also, it's all kind of just suffering from a lack of flavor text, ancillary details and such; the writing overall could use a bit more spice. So if I (a native speaker) were tasked to re-write that into something more legible, natural sounding, and spicier; it would be something like this...

"Emilie eagerly got on all fours. Eric quickly took her from behind with enthusiasm, making Emilie gasp in surprise as he hilted himself so deeply it almost hurt.
"Fuck me harder Daddy!"
...ordered Emilie. It wasn't enough, she needed more, and she was not taking 'no' for an answer.
On this point Eric was thrilled to comply, grabbing up her hair for a better grip as he increased his tempo. She arched her back even more, letting out a throaty yell of excitement in response to his vigorous pounding!"



Honestly? Rewriting those sentences themselves took less time than writing the rest of this post actually explaining the critique. Again, what is written is more than readable and enjoyable in the broad strokes; but it still comes off as quite awkward and obtuse at times, especially so in the details.
 
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All

Newbie
Nov 16, 2016
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Thank you for your time EvolutionKills

I must say, when I read you, I know I do not got the skill or knowledge to write a romance novel. In French, I probably could write a book. But my phrasing in English is impacted by my French phrasing and conduct to mistakes. I apologize for that, but writing in English and coding take me so much time, I cannot take more for rephrasing everything.
Like I always say : I am doing the best I can.
And today my best is that :/

I will try to do better, but you seem to know that the writing can ALWAYS be better, am I right? ^^

Again, what is written is more than readable and enjoyable in the broad strokes
To be honest, this is what I am aiming for. EFAW is my first HTML game and the first time I have coded in my life. The mistakes are in numbers and there will be some more, I am sure of it. But every time someone like you takes some time to help me improve, I try to understand it to do better afterward. So thank you :)

I am currently using "LanguageTool" to check errors. Is it good enough?
 

osmcuser132

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Modder
Aug 8, 2017
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I played from the start and instead of fixing it with a symlink for every chapter/Chapter error I encountered as I used to in previous versions, I fixed all broken images one by one to give you a list. I am not sure it is a 100% complete list since I played the lewd path. Other than this, keep up the good work.

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MiaRaven

Newbie
Dec 7, 2021
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This is for the people fighting over corruption games and "how women work" on the first page:

1. Some people like brand new cars, some like cars used by whole town.
2. Men want women to be something better than what they are, Women want men to be something else than what they are. Since they can't, they come here and enjoy their fantasies whatever they may be.
 

unocrus

Member
Oct 28, 2018
103
165
This is one of those cropped porn text-based games people either love or hate. For the most part, I think the images are varied enough and contextually match what's going on in the scene so they're fine in my opinion. There's a lot of spicy writing to go along with the images that I think most people will probably like. A few things that stand out to me:
  • There is a heavy emphasis on cheating. This includes a mandatory section in the prologue where
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    This may be a dealbreaker for some. Of course I'm selecting all the cheating options during my playthough, but the lack of player consent during the prologue doesn't match the rest of the game.
  • The story is mostly linear. You don't really choose to do one thing or the other. Instead, it's more like a kinetic novel with a "do you want to see this sex scene: yes/no" option in every other scene.
  • There aren't a lot of characters or scenarios. Most of the scenes involve the protagonist and their SO or SO's dad fucking about in a household setting. There are other scenarios, but I'd say the majority of the content focuses on sex around the house.
It's still early in development so we'll see how it plays out. I would prefer there to be more branching paths that alter the story in a way to make it a little less linear. That being said, the fact that this is a text-based game and it doesn't have a daily routine of navigating through five different locations just to see a drip of new content is worthy of high praise.
 

All

Newbie
Nov 16, 2016
43
50
Thank you for your feedback.

I am going to finish the Chapter 6 and fix what you pointed out this week. I think old save are not working properly (I changed too many things while I was learning how to build different path ...) and maybe it is the cause of some bugs?



This is a kinetic novel with few choices because my main goal here is to learn how to properly code and create a game. When I finish this story, I am aiming to build a more rpg like game with a new story and character. So for EFAW i'll keep everything pretty straightforward :)
 

All

Newbie
Nov 16, 2016
43
50
I played from the start and instead of fixing it with a symlink for every chapter/Chapter error I encountered as I used to in previous versions, I fixed all broken images one by one to give you a list. I am not sure it is a 100% complete list since I played the lewd path. Other than this, keep up the good work.

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Amazing work. I am already checking everything. WP (y):giggle:
 

All

Newbie
Nov 16, 2016
43
50
I don't know why the thread is updated and it does not appeared in last update section.
 

RPDL

do torrent. go fast.
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EmilieFindsAWay-0.6
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Please note that we do not provide support for games.
For torrent-related issues use here, or join us on !
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JustMax

Newbie
Jan 24, 2018
84
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Hm so is this supposed to be the Final version of the game or final update of 0.6 ? since i dont see the Completed tag
 
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gafo

Member
Dec 25, 2018
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View attachment 2194359

Overview:
A game about a girl named Emilie, who will discover love, sex, but especially pleasure. There will be a lot of kinks, but always in the good way. Cheating without pain or anger, groping without violence, etc. My purpose is to create a game that places the female MC in the same position as the usual porn male protagonists. She can have a lot of sex or affairs without being ashamed or disrespected. The porn world is fantastic for scenario like that because what we want is good story but specially good sex.
Am I right ?​

Thread Updated: 2023-06-15
Release Date: 2023-03-31
Developer: Allworks - F95
Censored: No
Version: 0.6 Final
OS: Windows, Linux, Mac
Language: English
Genre:
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Old saves do not work with v0.6a. Either start the game again, or use the included save file.
DOWNLOAD
- - MEGA - PIXELDRAIN - WORKUPLOAD


View attachment 2194369 View attachment 2194370 View attachment 2194371

Link to online version .
 

osmcuser132

Well-Known Member
Modder
Aug 8, 2017
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There were still two image mistakes in the online version:

img/Clothes/js.jpg (need small 'c' in the code)
img/4th%20chapter/4.1Kitchen2.jpg (needs small 'k' in the code)
 
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3.60 star(s) 14 Votes