VN Ren'Py Abandoned Excluded [Ep. 2] [RevisedStrategy]

4.10 star(s) 15 Votes

How important to you (1 lowest, 5 highest) is Audio (music and/or sound effects) in a VN?

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EZ8lt

Engaged Member
Dec 24, 2019
2,436
5,321
For clarity - Melissa is older and has been attending Greendale (the college/university) for a couple of years. She wasn't really involved in MC/Olivia's application process until now. When I say "the city" I just mean the city that Greendale is in. I left it unnamed because I couldn't find a good way to fit it into dialogue without it sounding clunky. I'll reconsider that.
Thanks for the reply. I left out that I meant the yet to be seen mother when I was talking about the application, and yep, I thought they are roughly the same age. It's fine not to overexplain everything in the very first chapter and make info dumps, but this is kinda the other end, where a bunch of missing information creates inconsistency. The reason of why MC was excluded being told in pt2 as part of the plot progression is perfectly fine, it's just felt that some basic information was missing and we kinda began in medias res.
 
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Uzhirian

Member
Jul 18, 2017
224
333
Allright so the english def needs some improvement, like "I don't know why she elected not to tell you", you mean choose.
So, yeah, that sentence is correct. Spoiler alert, elect = choose (or more specifically elected = chose, as choose would be incorrect in that sentence).

Small stuff like that. Also the circumstances needs some serious clearing up and explanation. Why the MC can't stay where he is now currently? He talked about having no prospects right now but we don't know why. What city life he's gonna embrace leaving his home, in another city or what? And if Olivia and Melissa are sisters, why wouldn't she handle their applications, not only for Melissa? Stuff like that needs to be clarified for story cohesion.
Dear Dev, in future, please have all plot points and questions resolved in your initial demo release. We are not barbarians, no? lol


RevisedStrategy Nice intro and beautiful renders! Looking forward to future updates.
 

ZagorTeNay

Well-Known Member
Jun 28, 2018
1,200
2,320
I love me some comeback/underdog stories, this could turn out great.
"our main character seeks the college experience without the stress of studying. " - can you clarify on this?
College typically involves drinking, getting laid, and, on occasion, studying. ;)
Is MC going to start his own business, where he'll meet girls from intro? ( like a nightclub or something?)
Visually, it looks very good, but, one odd thing is some characters look quite a bit older than story implies ( MC, Ellie and Celeste). And kind of the other way around for Olivia and Melissa.
 
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Trasher2018

Engaged Member
Aug 21, 2018
2,138
3,456
Nice and solid start.

Some posed and expression look a bit weird and others are really great.

But it is VERY short - maybe more of an intro than an Episode 1. I hope that a 2nd episode is at least twice as long - better even longer.
 

Shyguy1369

Active Member
Dec 14, 2018
589
1,237
I honestly not sure about this. All this Episode 1 did is make me angry. Not at the VN, or the shortness, but make me angry as the MC. It was just a lot of getting kicked in the teeth. No happy thoughts to it at all. I might give another update or so to see, I am not sure though.
 
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Mareeta

Member
Sep 1, 2019
217
519
It was really short. But it does grab my interest with the story. The fact that we don't have all the elements now was the key. Now I want to know how he will react and what is really going on.

A lot of people are already talking about Ellie and yeah she looks great.
But that Charlotte girl is amazing as well.

Charlotte (Excluded).PNG

Renders are pretty good. I will definitely put this one on my watching list.
 

killer 13

Member
May 14, 2022
145
195
college themed game is good when it includes incest...fucking some milfs and also hot sisters
 
4.10 star(s) 15 Votes