- Jan 19, 2018
- 93
- 114
bobdillan Pretty much nailed it to a tee. For that reason I'll not repeat it, but I just wanted to say I second what he said (in both comments)
Instead I'll say a bit about how it presented itself in my personal opinion. I only tried the story mode, so I can only comment on that.
I highly appreciate you going for the black background and white text, as multiple other games have already burned my retinas out going with the standard.
The images you used are of course of personal preference. All I can say is that it's nice that it's not the umphtieth time someone has used a mature pornstar as the mom or something. As you progress, you'll probably need to split them from the main HTML, but for now they're a decent resolution, not too small and not too big. Personally, I'd like it a lot if you kept the link to the images in the passage so you can close it again after viewing it.
Depending on how you want to continue with this game (either continue writing as you did or cater a bit to the masses), I'd make the gay passages optional. For now, the reader is forced to have a 'flirty' interaction with all the family members in the introduction/first vacation. That may turn away some of the more hardline readers that aren't into that.
The last thing I wanted to comment about is the writing style. It's nice to see a first version that isn't full of spelling and grammatical errors. There's plenty of smut out there that is barely readable and only slightly better than machine translations. I do want to point out the perspective though. I do not know if you are going to introduce other protagonists at some point, but if you aren't I'd suggest writing from the 1st person perspective of the older brother. At the moment, even though you control some of his decisions, the way you write about his interactions and not as him having the interactions makes it feel kinda NTR, if you know what I mean.
Again, personal opinions and suggestions. Do with them what you want
Update schedule is highly dependent on how much work you want/can put into it. So on the frequency I can't really comment and you'll pretty much have to find out what you're comfortable with.
The size of update I can say something about. Seeing as you're doing somewhat of a day-by-day story, you can think of rolling out content of about a day or week, depending how much you put into it. Kind of like College Daze, but your updates will probably be more frequent (you're not tracking stats and have to code for all that).
All in all, I'd say it's a nice start and while the gay/bi stuff isn't really my thing, as long as you would keep the majority of it contained to certain paths, I'd definitely keep an eye on it.
Instead I'll say a bit about how it presented itself in my personal opinion. I only tried the story mode, so I can only comment on that.
I highly appreciate you going for the black background and white text, as multiple other games have already burned my retinas out going with the standard.
The images you used are of course of personal preference. All I can say is that it's nice that it's not the umphtieth time someone has used a mature pornstar as the mom or something. As you progress, you'll probably need to split them from the main HTML, but for now they're a decent resolution, not too small and not too big. Personally, I'd like it a lot if you kept the link to the images in the passage so you can close it again after viewing it.
Depending on how you want to continue with this game (either continue writing as you did or cater a bit to the masses), I'd make the gay passages optional. For now, the reader is forced to have a 'flirty' interaction with all the family members in the introduction/first vacation. That may turn away some of the more hardline readers that aren't into that.
The last thing I wanted to comment about is the writing style. It's nice to see a first version that isn't full of spelling and grammatical errors. There's plenty of smut out there that is barely readable and only slightly better than machine translations. I do want to point out the perspective though. I do not know if you are going to introduce other protagonists at some point, but if you aren't I'd suggest writing from the 1st person perspective of the older brother. At the moment, even though you control some of his decisions, the way you write about his interactions and not as him having the interactions makes it feel kinda NTR, if you know what I mean.
Again, personal opinions and suggestions. Do with them what you want
Update schedule is highly dependent on how much work you want/can put into it. So on the frequency I can't really comment and you'll pretty much have to find out what you're comfortable with.
The size of update I can say something about. Seeing as you're doing somewhat of a day-by-day story, you can think of rolling out content of about a day or week, depending how much you put into it. Kind of like College Daze, but your updates will probably be more frequent (you're not tracking stats and have to code for all that).
All in all, I'd say it's a nice start and while the gay/bi stuff isn't really my thing, as long as you would keep the majority of it contained to certain paths, I'd definitely keep an eye on it.
