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sigvar

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Sep 5, 2021
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Eroguri, early thoughts. Don't capitalize the relationships always. "...why don't you help your Roommate unpack..." is incorrect. Roommate should not be capitalized here. If Alissa was talking to the MC and said, "Roommate, come with me." this capitalization would be correct, because roommate in this context is the name she is addressing him with. (This also works to make anything you change the relationships to make more sense as well)

Also, I have seen this before recently, but there is quite a few incorrect usages of apostrophes. I don't know if there is a translator that is common that causes this, but it is weird that I see it often in these AVNs.

Not sure about the switch to Blender mid way through. Character's faces look like their lighting doesn't match the scenes now.
 
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Eroguri

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Aug 22, 2020
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Eroguri, early thoughts. Don't capitalize the relationships always. "...why don't you help your Roommate unpack..." is incorrect. Roommate should not be capitalized here. If Alissa was talking to the MC and said, "Roommate, come with me." this capitalization would be correct, because roommate in this context is the name she is addressing him with. (This also works to make anything you change the relationships to make more sense as well)

Also, I have seen this before recently, but there is quite a few incorrect usages of apostrophes. I don't know if there is a translator that is common that causes this, but it is weird that I see it often in these AVNs.

Not sure about the switch to Blender mid way through. Character's faces look like their lighting doesn't match the scenes now.
Thanks for your feedback! We'll work on making improvements in the future. :)
 

TLAMNZ

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Aug 29, 2019
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I'd suggest you get a grammar editor. 'Your' instead of 'you're', alot (not a word, just as alittle and abit are not words), and confusion of its and it's. It grates on the nerves. Easy to fix.
 
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hrm

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Jul 24, 2017
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Thanks for your feedback! We'll work on making improvements in the future. :)
Adding on to this, you can add modifiers to your variables to change capitalization so that they fit better in sentences. For example, changing [AnnaRelations] to [AnnaRelations!l] will make it all lowercase, !c will capitalize the first letter, and !u will make it all uppercase (which is useful if the character is yelling).

Also, a small thing I noticed that might get missed during a future proofread/edit of the script (considering the comments about spelling/grammar): the line near the start "Writhe with characters..."etc. still makes sense, but I get the feeling this is supposed to be "Rife with characters".
 
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Hordragg

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Adding on to this, you can add modifiers to your variables to change capitalization so that they fit better in sentences. For example, changing [AnnaRelations] to [AnnaRelations!l] will make it all lowercase, !c will capitalize the first letter, and !u will make it all uppercase (which is useful if the character is yelling).
This.

I had to go back and retype my relationship choices to have them properly capitalized. Speaking of relationships, Eroguri, you're missing a shorthand or term of endearment for the landlady – not all tenants call their landlady 'landlady' all the time. Circling back to capitalization, though; it's all over the place:
Python:
# script.rpy
219:    MCt "(5 months since mia..)" # Mia
# v1.rpy
17:    "Not exactly how You dreamed your life would end up. A 21, Jobless, college dropout, Living with # you, jobless, living
Also, adding to what TLAMNZ already mentioned: 'having blewn', 'your duffel bag', 'opportunity', 'a while', 'have changed a bit', 'I'm', 'come back', 'They will', 'would't have' and 'must have', 'that game', 'friend', 'Peek' (menu choice), 'no woman'. Oh, and it's 'yeah' – every time.

Oh, an maybe redo the render of him and Alissa going up the stairs? No sane person would take the corner like that. :giggle:
 
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4.00 star(s) 2 Votes