Think I'll echo some of what others are saying. Devs need to understand something, especially those who are not exactly writers...you give a description of the MC (in this case - he had a job and a fiancé) then you render a character who simply does not match (bad hairstyle included). This one looks like a scrawny, anime ripoff with a tan...who was the fiancé; Lux?
Also, a request for an opacity slider for the dialogue bar. God alone knows why you went for green.
You're inserting apostrophes where you shouldn't (wen't) and not doing so where you should (wont and dont). Quite a few spelling and syntax errors, especially in Chapter 2.
Your transitions are too fast.
All that being said, the story itself is quite good. Judging from the Info tab, this is Season 1, Episode 1; so there should be many updates to come (hope it's not abandoned). I know the MC is dealing with a lot but so far he comes across as highly suspicious and somewhat negative (pessimistic actually). I hope that changes in the future.
