7.5 / 10
Good writing with some curveballs. Enjoyable.
v0.9
Good:
- Writing is good. Not a complete cliche.
- Some very nice - unorthodox for the genre - dynamic between MC and the secondary FMC (his childhood friend). Their relationship is actually the main intrigue of the story.
- MC is not just a prop too. Which is unusual for the genre - and a big plus. There's intrigue in what he will choose and what he will become by the end of it.
Bad:
- The Girlfriend, on the other hand, was a disappointment. It's not like she's malicious - thanks for that at least. But she just cheats because she wants to. And she just lies in every scene - because she wants to cheat. Disappointing. I couldn't wait for them to break up - and that should never be the case.
And
she had all the ingredients for a good dynamic between her and the antagonist - between seduction and her resistance - between her lust and her striving for a real loving family.
The dynamic could be insane - because of *spoilers*.
But she just cheats.
...Ok.
- Also, writing is 'good', but not 'great'. There are some problems with pacing. In some scenes, it's not really 'pleasant' to be around some of the characters - which makes the scene a slug to go through.
Some other scenes just plainly lack tension.
Overall:
micro-writing needs more work, while macro is better than average.
Neutral:
- The antagonist is not bad. He can dirty talk during sex scenes - and even drop teasing innuendos out of it, which was nice.
But he's not really a character. Just a prop for a big cock.
He's also not really menacing..? The only reason I pick up when he tries to be menacing is cos MC thinks about it. "Oh, his eyes are so threatening." What, he wiggles his eyebrows at MC or something?
He's a big dumb brick-face - but he's not bad.
- I also wouldn't rate the art - judge it by yourself from the screenshots. Different people view different art differently. Apparently.
//That's my review. Copied here cos of how reviews work on this site. ...And for discussion.