Delusion007
Newbie
- Jan 9, 2019
- 49
- 134
- 134
I'm having a hard time with this game's writing so far, though it hasn't put me completely off just yet. For one, the immediate exposition of why the MC is at the Academy isn't necessary. You could easily cut out the whole explanation and instead use the initial introduction as a hook to pull the reader in, use curiosity to keep the readers invested. The fact that after that exposition is in fact more exposition about a completely new topic, from what is basically a narrator in the form of a "radio" is incredibly jarring and confusing - now we're not even sure what to be paying attention to, and not in a way that seems planned at all. Finally, I am wholly confused by the logic that the MC is the "perfect cover" in this scenario. It's completely contradictory - being the only student who can't use magic in a school of magic wouldn't be a cover, it would be the cause of so much attention that it would make you stick out like a sore thumb. It just feels like a bridge between the undercover agent thread and the lack of magical talent needed to be made but nothing else was brainstormed. I recognize these are useless gripes, but I think the story is just my style normally and I feel it could definitely shine with more polish such as what I mentioned. =