darkskello
great improvement as far as i can see from the pictures posted here.
The illegal Adoption is still the weakest plot point, I know you need some kind of catalyst, but still.
But its leagues better then in the first iteration now the family is still lovable and mom did her best with a shitty hand she was dealt.
The intro with those character introductions was to long and some of the information you gave us is nonsensical.
Oni and Shizuka should get introduced once you meet them.
Shizuka has an S to much in her introduction "age 18. SShe"
That MC doesn't know Elizabeth is dumb as hell, you tell us MC doesn't even know her Name, but we need to know that she is cool, hard working, and she cares deeply for the MC? What?
She is the assistant manager of his team even if they never worked together directly he would know at least her name.
Why not say, because MC is the new upcoming star, she worked close together with the MC and they developed feelings for eachother, Would also play into the clash she had with the Manager and that she quit because MC got the boot.