VN Ren'Py Goth Gasp [v1.1] [Frost Mist]

[SpyderArachnid]

Well if you put it like that I kinda see your point,
Since you liked the most of the game and this bothers you, I can add an additional choice that skips that part and introduces her in some other way next update.
Noted in the feedback notes. Few additional scenes won't delay the dev process that much.

Spoiler: just some thoughts to keep the thread clean

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[Meehaha]

Personally quite like the Scuzzy intro apart from the way the main characters suddenly become total idiots. Doesn't make Scuzzy look cleaver or the master manipulator she is supposed to be and proves with the renovations later, just makes her look like someone who can take advantage of a couple of people with the combined common sense of a frozen chicken. Shows them as people anyone with a brain would not work for unless to take advantage later. Afraid it kills her redemption arc for me at least and I do like good redemption tales.

 

[FrostMistGG]

Spoiler: just some thoughts to keep the thread clean

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I don't mind walls of text it's G.
Anyways, the main idea I have for my story involves all characters. The story goes forward because of the characters appearing in the story and because of h-scenes with them so all characters will be involved with MC one way or another.

About Suz, my main goal was to make her unlikable at first and more likeable with the story's progress which from what i gathered from feedback from most of my patrons worked as i intendeed.

Not to throw any shade at you since i get your point, but it kinda surprises me that the blackmail scene got two people so off-putted when i saw tons of very successful games do some way WAY more fucked up shit and no one bats an eye.

I'll work hard on 1.2 script to make things seem more right.
Thanks for the extensive explanation of your point. Have a good day!

 

[FrostMistGG]

Personally quite like the Scuzzy intro apart from the way the main characters suddenly become total idiots. Doesn't make Scuzzy look cleaver or the master manipulator she is supposed to be and proves with the renovations later, just makes her look like someone who can take advantage of a couple of people with the combined common sense of a frozen chicken. Shows them as people anyone with a brain would not work for unless to take advantage later. Afraid it kills her redemption arc for me at least and I do like good redemption tales.

Could you please elaborate which moment makes them feel like total idiots? If i could understand your point better then i could maybe slightly tweak some scenes to make the overall outcome feel better.

 

[YogSothoth1982]

I don't mind walls of text it's G.
Anyways, the main idea I have for my story involves all characters. The story goes forward because of the characters appearing in the story and because of h-scenes with them so all characters will be involved with MC one way or another.

About Suz, my main goal was to make her unlikable at first and more likeable with the story's progress which from what i gathered from feedback from most of my patrons worked as i intendeed.

Not to throw any shade at you since i get your point, but it kinda surprises me that the blackmail scene got two people so off-putted when i saw tons of very successful games do some way WAY more fucked up shit and no one bats an eye.

I'll work hard on 1.2 script to make things seem more right.
Thanks for the extensive explanation of your point. Have a good day!

I personally hate blackmail, especially when it's directed at the MC. For me, if a LI blackmails the MC, she ceases to be one instantly, and no matter how good she becomes, I want nothing to do with her. I play a game where the supposed main LI blackmails the MC to force him to collaborate with her, but you can prevent the MC from having a romance and sex with her, and that's what I've done (although the game is completely designed and conceived assuming no one will use this option, so the situations between the MC and her end up being, at the very least, awkward).

 

[Ichigo1310]

I think the blackmail was amateurish from both sides. the photo of the MC in the bathroom wasn`t really a proof of cheating and the solution of Yumi (the contact of Mia) with also a photo of Suzzie doesn`t make sense, because of her bad reputation (no threat for her).
Also the behave of suzzie is strange. She accepted the conditions too fast, she stalked the MCs to get their names and probaby their background and she had contact to their friends, which come to help because of a call from suzzie.
My assumption is, that it is a) bad writing or storytelling or b) a weird attempt to help the MCs.

 

[Meehaha]

Could you please elaborate which moment makes them feel like total idiots? If i could understand your point better then i could maybe slightly tweak some scenes to make the overall outcome feel better.

Will try to find time to playthrough that part again to see if there are particular moments. But the whole arc from Scuzzies attempt at blackmail onwards seems quite forced definitely not the work of a master blackmailer. Followed up by a rather stupid and unnecessary plan of counter blackmail. The outline plot idea seems fine the characterisation not so much somehow.

 

[Ichigo1310]

About Suz, my main goal was to make her unlikable at first and more likeable with the story's progress which from what i gathered from feedback from most of my patrons worked as i intendeed.

I hope, i don`t sound too harsh in my last comment. As I stated, i really like Suzzie at the end of the chapter, because she is cute, sexy and a very valuable member of the team/ harem (funds, connections and knowledge). She advance the business without any advantages (so far we know). At last in the scene with the friends after the renovation, it seems, that she is just lonely and not used to be in a group of friends.