Come on, you gotta put more care into your writing than this. So many errors in just the first couple of minutes, I stopped after about five minutes, I lost all interest because of the writing. Also, please don't use the word 'retard' in your game, you're better than that.
Story could be cool, I like the concept. I'm interested to see where it goes, but only after it's worth reading through.
Hopefully you take my criticism on board, I mean it in the nicest way and with respect, not to be negative and a dick :^)
