- Oct 2, 2023
- 34
- 77
I'm going to re-post my re-write of Chapter 1 here to try get more eyes on it (this threads so popular things get pushed down the pile constantly), not really sure if there is a better way to garner attention for my little project and get the much needed feedback on it but I guess for now I'll stick with this method.
The re-write focuses on fleshing out the dialogue more, adding in some humour and just generally cleaning up the dicey English overall.
I have also attempted to make re-naming Amelie "mom" more viable as an option so that it fits with the dialogue and narrative overall, for those who would prefer to have her referred to as such instead of "Aunt".
I'm also doing my best to make Stephanie's interactions a bit more wholesome and not quite as irritating at times, and although I feel like she'll always be that "annoying little sibling" archetype, I've added in some dialogue interactions that make her a bit more likeable I hope in some way? (even if its just based on pity/empathy or her general naivete)
Though Stephanie will of course always be a bit of an interference element in the narrative (I can't add in or change the images/renders used in the game unfortunately), I can only attempt to make her seem a bit more likeable in some way.
There is more humour sprinkled in the game throughout, I hope also a bit more meaningful drama elements in places with a little extra gravitas when needed.
Give it a try and let me know what you think, if enough people are interested to see it go further, I will modify the rest of the Chapters to fit in line with my changes to Chapter 1 and hopefully overall produce a much more well-rounded story with more engaging characters!
I've re-attached the game folder in a .zip format with the script.rpy in it for you guys to try out. Enjoy!
The re-write focuses on fleshing out the dialogue more, adding in some humour and just generally cleaning up the dicey English overall.
I have also attempted to make re-naming Amelie "mom" more viable as an option so that it fits with the dialogue and narrative overall, for those who would prefer to have her referred to as such instead of "Aunt".
I'm also doing my best to make Stephanie's interactions a bit more wholesome and not quite as irritating at times, and although I feel like she'll always be that "annoying little sibling" archetype, I've added in some dialogue interactions that make her a bit more likeable I hope in some way? (even if its just based on pity/empathy or her general naivete)
Though Stephanie will of course always be a bit of an interference element in the narrative (I can't add in or change the images/renders used in the game unfortunately), I can only attempt to make her seem a bit more likeable in some way.
There is more humour sprinkled in the game throughout, I hope also a bit more meaningful drama elements in places with a little extra gravitas when needed.
Give it a try and let me know what you think, if enough people are interested to see it go further, I will modify the rest of the Chapters to fit in line with my changes to Chapter 1 and hopefully overall produce a much more well-rounded story with more engaging characters!
I've re-attached the game folder in a .zip format with the script.rpy in it for you guys to try out. Enjoy!
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