VN Ren'Py Completed Her Final Request [v0.3 Final] [Chinzu]

[Een Vieze Vent]

no incest here, your mother died when u were 5. and its not even stepcast because your father is dead too and thats makes your step family not step anymore.

ill wait and see if this changes or if it gets a patch removing the dead mother part, and making the random family mc's real family. and if not ill just ignore and move along

 

[Chinzu studio]

Man, this game has a good premise but everything else is crap, no offense for a new creator but this needs a lot of work.

As others already mentioned, the arms movements are cringe, but I did likes the feet tapping and wobbling Not-Mihawk does.

The writing is atrocious, not only the bad English but the situations are awkward as hell, the girl could have stopped everything by just screaming, but she chooses to play asleep to be molested ? and then is happy to be saved, what if Not-Mihawk had gotten his sword and Killed the MC (who seems to have a MC syndrome ) for trying to play the hero?

Also we don't need 5 takes of the guy reaching Not-Mihawk to stop him, a single one grabbing his arm would be enough.
Also if he's supposed to be a famous Don what the fuck is he doing trying to molest girls in the train... it feels pathetic.

Overall, the dialogs need to be proofread or at least get some IA to run them and get something more coherent.

Chinzu getting in some comments from time to time also feels like telling rather than showing, we don't need us to be told that he dropped the bag we can see that.

I don't want to discourage the creator from his game, I do think he has a good premise but most of the game so far its bad, from wonky animation, to broken wrists to bad dialogue, this really need a lot of work.

Good luck with your project.

In soon i will release a fix for it and iam working on UI and Same dialogue i will change the renders too thank you for suggestion

 

[Chinzu studio]

His hands and arms turn very oddly. In certain angles I keep hearing little girls go hhheeeeyyyy.

I will fix it very soon

 

[Chinzu studio]

Well, it's just a prologue. I think 'v0.01' would be more appropriate than 'v1.0'.

I will change it I will taken came fix update

 

[Chinzu studio]

I've found bad games here before, but holy shit this was ridiculous, 1 star seems like too much for this prologue, so I'm not even going to give it one.

Everything was bad, the quality of the renders, the characters, the dialogues, I don't judge the story because there isn't one yet.

The prologue is only two minutes long, but after watching the prologue I spent ten minutes contemplating life, what a waste of time.

In fix update I will try to add some more story I am still learning about the designing thank you for your suggestion

 

[Nezron]

Nothing to see here folks, move along.

 

[Chinzu studio]

First impressions:

1. Story is somewhere in limbo. There are many issues with the scene on the train.
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   In addition,
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   Since that's the case, why did she make it known to the MC that she was aware?
2. I realize that the developer is just starting to learn how to program with renpy. But the inclusion of people thinking along with their actual speech was poorly done. He/she should first set his parameters to indicate thought. The dev could either set the text representing thoughts as italics or use quotation marks or smaller text or another colored text....just not the insertion of the word "thought" every time.
3. It is quite clear that the developer is not a native English speaker. But the translation is miserable. Grammar is bad, punctuation is haywire and some lines make no sense at all. My advice? Ask someone to edit and proof read.

I can understand your feeling I am still learning but I will release a fix for it I promise I will do some corrections

 

[AzureFlame28]

View attachment 5184626

Do you have a mirror at home? Look at it... maybe the trash is closer to you than you think. Do you have a dictionary at home? Look at it and search for the word 'respect'... assuming you know how to read.

 

[Love MILF!]

The models are beautiful, but the story is not the family story I expected, which is a pity.

 

[Enigemm]

no incest here, your mother died when u were 5. and its not even stepcast because your father is dead too and thats makes your step family not step anymore.

ill wait and see if this changes or if it gets a patch removing the dead mother part, and making the random family mc's real family. and if not ill just ignore and move along

You're wrong. While the mother and first sister are "step", the second sister is his actual blood sister by father side. Did you just skip through or read the story throughout thus far?

 

[Paradox004]

Oh boy is the English bad, dude. Run it through a free spelling & grammar checker, or any LLM or something like ChatGPT. They'll fix the writing for you. Even just things like the first sentence being, "hello I am (player's chosen name)" should start with a capital letter. And that happened like every 3 sentences. Very minor, but also takes me out of it. The more important things were like, "How much dare does he have?" when it should be like, "How ballsy is this guy?!" or something. I'm curious enough to see where it goes, but only if you can fix the English.

Also, don't word-dump the character's backstory like that. Narration is boring af. I basically skipped through it. Like, you think I care about the yellow bag? Nah. So basically there were 30 seconds of content after that, and all of that had bad grammar, too. (I didn't skip EVERYTHING at the start, only most, so I could see bad grammar there, too)

 

[zeus04]

 

[Chinzu studio]

Oh boy is the English bad, dude. Run it through a free spelling & grammar checker, or any LLM or something like ChatGPT. They'll fix the writing for you. Even just things like the first sentence being, "hello I am (player's chosen name)" should start with a capital letter. And that happened like every 3 sentences. Very minor, but also takes me out of it. The more important things were like, "How much dare does he have?" when it should be like, "How ballsy is this guy?!" or something. I'm curious enough to see where it goes, but only if you can fix the English.

Also, don't word-dump the character's backstory like that. Narration is boring af. I basically skipped through it. Like, you think I care about the yellow bag? Nah. So basically there were 30 seconds of content after that, and all of that had bad grammar, too. (I didn't skip EVERYTHING at the start, only most, so I could see bad grammar there, too)

Ok man I will improve the grammar most I will release the fix update by tomorrow

 

[Cornfield]

This story works if....
You ignore Dev's comments and intrusion.
Just look at the pictures.
Ignore the conversation text and make up your own.

 

[Chinzu studio]

Oh boy is the English bad, dude. Run it through a free spelling & grammar checker, or any LLM or something like ChatGPT. They'll fix the writing for you. Even just things like the first sentence being, "hello I am (player's chosen name)" should start with a capital letter. And that happened like every 3 sentences. Very minor, but also takes me out of it. The more important things were like, "How much dare does he have?" when it should be like, "How ballsy is this guy?!" or something. I'm curious enough to see where it goes, but only if you can fix the English.

Also, don't word-dump the character's backstory like that. Narration is boring af. I basically skipped through it. Like, you think I care about the yellow bag? Nah. So basically there were 30 seconds of content after that, and all of that had bad grammar, too. (I didn't skip EVERYTHING at the start, only most, so I could see bad grammar there, too)

A working on it man don't worry I will deliver story I was a little I am making it after saying lot of comments I will working on very much at the story poses

 

[Chinzu studio]

Is the game supposed to be over after just two minutes? What is this? A training project? It's too short even for that. Honestly... It doesn't even work as an intro...

Don't worry I will make it 15 minutes for prologue are chapter 1 is around 1 hour minutes long future I will want expand it more chapters don't worry it is demo I want to see public reaction I want feedback to improve future features I want more feedback thank you

 

[Paradox004]

Ok man I will improve the grammar most I will release the fix update by tomorrow

You may be better off taking longer to ensure higher quality. No need to rush. I'm probably going to wait 2–3 updates at least before checking back, anyway. I want a lot more content to see how interested I am in following this.

 

[Chinzu studio]

His hands and arms turn very oddly. In certain angles I keep hearing little girls go hhheeeeyyyy.

It been fix late a new fix added

 

[Chinzu studio]

That setup sounds like the kind of story where you tell yourself “I’ll just check out the intro” and then suddenly it’s night time and you’re arguing with your own brain about who in the house is lying and who’s just horny

It has changed

 

[Chinzu studio]

Well, it's just a prologue. I think 'v0.01' would be more appropriate than 'v1.0'.

Yep it is the most stuff is coming soon