what competition when yvet is clearly superior
Aren't we a bit early to judge? At least I haven't seen much of Odette yet, and am eager to see what she's got. Besides, this isn't about you (or Mars) think(s) about which one of the two is the better girl. This is about Yvet and Odette duking it out between themselves and fighting for your (Mars's) attention (and getting the lewdest out of each other, so no matter which one you like better, you still should wanna see them in lewd competition, you're not gay, son, are you?).
And later, you still may (well, maybe) kick one or the other from the edge of your bed, if you feel like it (keeping them both as fucktoys: bad ending for both. good ending only for the sluttier slut that gets to join you, bad ending for the other, certainly for the mom if she loses to her daughter and has to stay with her smelly husband. There.).
Btw. was there ever a competition for best "before and after Hero Party Must Fall" meme? Did I miss it?
There should be at least one for every (side-)character.
Anyways, what follows are the continued ramblings and my take on the Elena act so far, another wall of text, spoilers and no hard feelings ahead.
Critique of Elena act (continued) and mini-game suggestion
Et voilà, bondage! Yet, I think you could make more out of this, with a clear theme and progression from:
- (simple/non-nude) bondage, abandonned bondage, exposed/nude bondage, abondonned and nude, ... to
- bondage with toys such as nipple clamps, weights, wax play and what not, to
- finally, light body modification such as nipple piercings, tats and that kind of thing.
They have a lot to talk, which suits perfectly for some bondage/light bdsm sessions. And secondly, you can easily make a fun customization mini-game out of this: let the user decide which forms of additional toys (clamps, wieghts, whip, ...) to use (they're all equally effective, this is all about catering to the players tastes a bit), and what kind of body modification to apply (plenty of people cant stand tats at all, also offer some options and different places a user may want to place it, others may not like piercings very much, why not let the player customize her to his taste; but a minimum amount of body modification will be necessary to successfully beat this mini-game... and I believe, with respect to art, you can manage this with a bunch of extra overlays, so hopefully it shouldn't be too much extra work). Customization is always fun, players love it, especially the lewd kind of customization. It's another simple mind-trick too: I DID THIS, GAHAHAHAHA.
I mean, imagine Mars going "you're much more beautiful now" while the player sitting in front of the computer is just shaking his head? Not so good, since it's a disconnect, and then players start to self-insert as Erin instead. Was that your goal all along? How devilish.
Anyways, some more ideas for bondage/body modification:
- A gag-ring to keep her mouth open and drooling all over the place, but unable to talk, or a regular gag-ball to be gagged (both offering themselves to be written into a scene for a "oh will you shut up already (mummy)" moment, I believe there are a few of those).
- Optional skin hooks (or just bondage up in the air) to learn how to let go (of her son) and get a feeling for freedom (just hanging there, later maybe with some toys stuffed to get pleasure from it too...). Well, personally no big fan of skin hooks (and other extreme body modification and shit, eww). How about a classic nose hook, so Elena gets plenty of fresh air?
- Arm-binder, leg/knee binder, i.e. mobile bondage, and then you make her clean up your dirty cuck-shed, cook something for you, and such stuff (there was talk about her being your lewd maid now afterall!). Right, right. Mobile bondage play has to fit in somewhere here too! Emphasis the burden of being a mother (of Erin), then free her.
- Just a collar would be nice, no? And a leash?
- Maybe you can stray into bimbofication territory, give her big botox mommy filler lips. Slutty make-up. A new dress? Mars is making her his, right?
- A tongue piercing (to fix her lisp, or make it worse/pronounce it, hahahaha).
- Oh, here's another idea: so Elena wants to be Mars's mommy so bad, right? Well, how about Mars gives her a pair of big, chunky demon horn implants (yeah, that's a thing btw. currently image searching body modifications a bit, looking for ideas, baaarf.. gross, don't do that at home, kids), so she can be his demon mommy (and no longer Erin's human mommy, *ding* *ding*). HOW ABOUT THAT! Wouldn't that be a lovely coronation, high and end point of this arc? Fake, symbolic demon horns, and an ass-plug demon tail. FUCKING DO IT. (no need for this to be permanent, but just having it for this arc and end it with it would totally rock, from what I can tell..)
...and there's probably much more. I'm not really an expert here.
Btw. it's been day 11 (or what not) training Erina and having the other jerks being useless in the dungeon all day long. And only one (1) Erin card has been teared. Something does not add up here. So a minimal amount of clean up/rewriting is probably due here anyways.
Oh, the tattoo has a meaning. Well, a bit of dialogue branching isn't a problem, should you make a customization mini-game out of this (I think you really should and it would be totally worth it, hehe).
Day 13. Still just that one Erin card teared. And there's the collar. Cute.
But quite frankly, the writing of this act might need a clean-up. Might be just me, but it's a bit all over the place, a bit confusing, and just not as strong as the previous Cecille or Sera arcs. That whole making her his own (property) bit... it's.. eh.. I just don't really buy it, and Erina's reactions are not very convincing, or just odd. Something is off (if you ask me). I also didn't buy the threatening her with hurting Erin bit. Sure, a mother wants to protect her son and all, but uhhh. IMHO not so good. I believe
a (thematically) more focused binding->freeing->becoming demon mommy arc could work better (and wouldn't require Erina to become so agreeable so fast). Maybe not. I don't know. But having Erina repeating lewd lines Mars told her to say, while she thinks in her head that "it's not real" and lewdly does it, only to being nicely lewded and she likes it... it just does not work (for me). She should be bound. And you pleasure her until she likes it. That's the binding and freeing part. Then comes the transformation part. And that concludes the act.
Erina feels guilty about her son: you really need to put on some weights on her lovely tits that didn't give poor Erin enough milk, so you then can remove that weight from her. Just making her cum from her nipples isn't poetic enough.
The Erin/Cecille parts are golden, bwahaha.
hmmm, that mommy talk kind of annoys me. Can't you make her shut up about it by making it clear that it would be incredibly naughty if a son would do *this* to his mummy? So she gets disgusted by herself saying it, only to become demon mommy and love it again. Something along those lines. Well, maybe not. But that mother vs. master thing just does not really work (yet). In fact, is that master thing necessary here? The goal of this arc is to make Erin's mom, Erina, the demon mother of Mars. "Master" just really doesn't fly here, if you ask me. She will be a lewd demon mommy doing the naughty with his demon son. That's way more like it. We already have Sera and Cecille for those kinds of bdsm/power dynamics, no? And a son simply isn't "master" of his mom. Just doesn't compute in my head.
(Maybe something motherly like that . . . might get him to see me as a mother and not a secual partner?)
...upon being ask to tell Mars to drink her mommy Milk. No! Not yet. Argh, this is so confusing. She isn't demon mommy yet, and demon mommy would let her demon son drink her milk and suck her dry, lewdly. Erin's human mommy, which she still is by this point, is disgusted by sexual acts with Mars and indecent/lewd behaviour between mommy and son. See what I mean when I say this is all a bit over the place? Thematically?
(It doesn't hurt to try . . .)
WOMAN ARE YOU STUPID? See, it just renders Erina retarded, and I don't like my Erina retarded. She should not be. I don't buy it.
My nipples will never get to touch your mouth ever again!
DUH. WOMAN!! Anyways, I rest my case.
Why are we counting days now anyways? If anything, there should have been a proper ACT II title screen before the Elena arc, and a lewd Intermezzo title screen with the goddess Intermezzo right before. The structure is there, but you dont really sell it. That stuff is important too!
Day 14. One Erin card teared, still. Fuck yeah, it's a Cecille/Lavinia scene.
Day 15. Back in the shed. 1 Erin card teared. A magical tongue seal to make her talk less? Huhuu. I'd prefer a classic bondage gag or something, really.
Oh, it's another episode of Mars not liking the word "mother". Yeah, yeah, sad backstory, but it doesn't help the scene/arc, erotically speaking. The Mars I know would have made Erina stop using that word a long time ago, if it bothers him so much. But hey, let's see where this mother complex goes...
I'll remove it if you renounce the brat and acknowledge me as the Hero.
Ehhh, I'd really much prefer it if this would be all about making Erina Mars his naughty (symbolic) demon mommy, and no longer Erin's. Obviously this would also entail her renouncing the brat and acknowledge Mars as the Hero, but as a son alltogther would be much stronger. Even if Erin is no longer the hero, she's still his mommy and thus protecting him. That's no good. DEMON MOMMY TRANSFORMATION, OR RIOT! And if you pull it just right, you can also deal with Mars his mommy complex in this fashion. Just a tad of rewriting...
Yup, now her lisp is worse. And salvia all over the place (no magic required, btw.). Please, give me an ordinary gag-ring. I think thats much lewder and fits much better, thematically. Or even better; tie it to the customization mini-game and let the player decide what gag to use.
Wait, why does she *want* an orgasm from her tongue now? Sure, it feels good, there's a magical seal there now, but the Erina I know still wouldn't give in and *want* an orgasm from that. I just don't get it, or her, Erina. Her behaviour is all over the place. Maybe that was the intention, but I don't buy it. Mars should simply pleasure her, with force, until she fucking likes it. Wouldn't that work much better? I'm also not a big fan of all those Mars/dead husband comparisons and making Erina say mean things about the dude, who is no longer here and never was. For one we have this kind of thing already with Cecille and Erin, where it works great, because Erin is still around.
Not allowing Erina to kiss or hug her son? Lame. Turn her into "demon" mommy, and she no longer will want to do that anyways. But just telling her to stop it? Nah, that doesn't work.
Elena agrees to it, should Erin not appear in time . . . (not really a quote)
Oh, for fucks sake. WOMAN!! (also I've just noticed that I didn't rest my case afterall. My bad).
...man, Mars just came in her mouth, and it wasn't very erotic (the art is great though). Dumb magical tongue seal. Erina should be slowly force-feed your cum, by force, until she likes it, while being bound and gagged. She wasn't even bound or anything, just a tongue seal, and she lets you cum in her mouth like that? I don't buy it. That's not my Erina.
Magical spell so she wont be able to sleep? Uhhhuuu. Why not some kind of bondage over night with toys stuck in her, that would also not let her sleep, and be so much lewder, thematically speaking. Magic is a cheap way out, and not very erotic (Cecille electro shocking Sera, magically, that was lewd!). And extreme sleepiness? No magic needed if you don't let her sleep, duh.
It might not sound like much but the torment is like nothing else.
Yeah. Exactly. Implied/passive magic is not much. And certainly not lewd. Just tie her, lewdly, over night already. Much better.
If you can't survive until morning then cruel punishment awaits your son . . .
BOOOOHHH. See? I just don't buy that threatening her indirectly with Erin spiel. The main problem here is that this *enforces* her motherly instincts, it counts on them. The exact fucking opposite of what this all is, or should be about. And it's just half-assed blackmail. We don't want her to protect her human son. And why is this threat needed anyways? Just bind her up real good, put some toys in her and leave. There is no threat needed.
P.S. If she doesn't survive, she's dead and punishing Erin has no effect any longer.
The very semen you hold in your mouth, you'll have to feed it to Erin.
What? In case she doesn't survive the night? How is that supposed to work? The fuck happened to your excellent writing skills? You've been drinking a lot, lately?
But having to keep a load of cum in her mouth over night, not being allowed to swallow, that was lewd. There just needs to be another carrot on the stick, such as simply threatening her to keep her bound for another day (with a fresh load) and the day after and so on if necessary. No need for blackmail. She's bound (ghahahaha)! The theme is being bound (and freed) and transformed in the process, not fucking blackmail.
The love she feels for her son is the real deal. Pure, genuine, motherly love.
...
see? Now Mars, my personal hero, is going retarded as well. Man up and make her your lewd twisted demon mother already. For fucks sake!
Day 16. Back to Cecille, Lavinia and Erin. This is gonna be good, I can tell.
Yeah, I'm basically writing as I play, or rather click through the game that suddenly became a pure VN (once again: not good. I need to see to my town side-bitches too every once in a while, you know?). I probably should stop now. haha.
EDIT: here's another one: (abandonnment play) bind her up, exposed in your shed, let the door open and leave, but let Vi stay guard, which of course you don't tell her. Thematically this symbolizes the burden or weight of being a mother and a saint to all the people and the whole world (and cuck Erin). And Mars is going to take of that burden of her, maybe, at some point, after being a mother and a saint, for fucking free, for anyone that may or may not come by the cuck-shed (in the ghetto. lalala..) by making her his exclusive demon mommy, who is 100% loyal and supporting his demon kid and only him and nothing but, no matter what and the lewder the better, Demons are naughty. Sound good?