I've got a few typos/linguistic tweaks for you
darkhound1
During Ivy's arrival scene:
"Do you like strong woman, Mr. [player]"
would be better as:
"Do you like strong women, Mr. [player]" or "Do you like a strong woman, Mr. [player]"
During Mercedes' butt contest cheat scene:
"Just look at that biceps!"
should read:
"Just look at those biceps!"
During Yvette's room visit after shower tease scene:
"Er... It does what?"
would read better as:
"Er... It's doing what?"
During Yvette and Faye's same bikini scene Yvette's line:
"I have to try eight to ten bikinis that I like before I finally find one I can wear. I suppose it must be even worse for you." is followed by her saying "I suppose it must be even worse for you."
I'd recommend removing the "I suppose..." section from the first line and keeping it as a separate line.
During Jennifer's wet t-shirt transparent top scene:
"Sometimes when I'm really excited, my nipples get kind of a mini orgasm..."
would be better as:
"Sometimes when I'm really excited, my nipples do kind of a mini orgasm..."
or:
"Sometimes when I'm really excited, my nipples have kind of a mini orgasm..."
During Yvette oink dress drinks scene:
"I take the same."
should read
"I'll take the same"
and
"*chuckles some more* I was just kidding, but I'm wearing platform heels that are almost 9 inch."
should read
"*chuckles some more* I was just kidding, but I'm wearing platform heels that are almost 9 inchs."
During Yvette's visit to the player's room to ask about another girl (Natasha in this case) scene:
"Not that I'm particularly fond about her, but still."
should read
"Not that I'm particularly fond of her, but still."
During Amy's scene where you give her the new workout clothes:
"She didn't fail to notice you glaring at her half-exposed breasts"
"glaring at" is an angry or displeased stare so would be better replaced by
"staring at", "ogling", "goggling at" or "gazing at"
and
"Are you afraid of strong woman [player]? *smiles*"
would be better as:
"Are you afraid of strong women [player]? *smiles*"
or
"Are you afraid of a strong woman [player]? *smiles*"
I've started again this update and thought I'd actually record typos etc. when I see them this time and have been collating them. Would you prefer a bunch at a time like this in future or a PM with each one as I find them? Failing that, if you have a different method for me to report them, just let me know.
