So, thinking about the story some more it feels like the narrative itself is quite sound, but the sequences of events are a little misplaced, like I've said earlier. As if some things that should have their time and place are scattered a little.
Some of the storylines though feel like they exist in a vacuum sort of, and I think that making some of the quests and outcomes a little more interthwined with the other narratives might really improve the storytelling, y'know. It might be difficult to execute from the technical standpoint, making sure that some quest make the impact they should, but I think that the benefits are worth it.
I mean, if you take the daytime fuckers on the lower lewels of the hivecity - it's a scene that exists on its own now, but if you integrate it into a questline it'll be a little more impactful I reckon.
For now, the major requirement for the Heidi to become a stripper is money, but it might worth a try making the quest a little more narrative-driven. If, let's say, Lirieth appears in the shower event after the janitor job and pushes Heidi towards some heretical lewdness (being the devil on her left shoulder and all), Heidi then goes to the bartender and asks for the job, only to be declined, since she's, well, unfit for the job. She then goes to the Lirieth's little fun-fortress and asks for an advice, which results in the daytime fucking/groping scene. After completing that, Heidi then goes to bartender again and gets approved for the job, and at that point you buy the costume and start stripping. That line of employment also could be integrated in the gang/cult war storyline since I reckon the clientele of the establishment wouldn't be primarily law-obiding citizens and all.
I mean. If that sounds like something that in your opinion might benefit the storytelling of the game, I'd be happy to get onboard. I only don't know how to message you directly here, I'm more of a lurker on this fine site.