Kind Nightmares
Bro, you cooked.
Praise:
The dialogue was fantastic. Not just in terms of grammar etc. but characters speaking like actual humans and having identifiable personalities. There have been a few good "MC is a Futa in a world where that's rare and stigmatized" stories recently and your writing has set the bar higher yet again. I actually felt invested with Jade's relationship with her father and I was locked in when she read her letter from her dad and the screen zoomed out to show him sitting across from her. I liked how Mia comes off as an ice-queen at first and then we get to see (along with Jade) how she has been feeling just as screwed over by their family as Jade has. And it fits! It makes perfect sense. I'm right there alongside Jade thinking, "Oh, of course she'd feel lonely in that household! How did I not realize before now?" Immediate empathy for the character and investment into their relationship getting repaired in like, what, 300 words or less?
Use of body language is wonderful. Arousal, amusement, and dismay all just from some subtle facial expressions, characters' postures (especially thinking of the conversation with Mia's GF), all of it does a lot to enhance the dialogue and get information across quickly. It's the kind of stuff that is pretty standard to most visual media with people, but I'm sure it's time consuming and hard to get right with 3D models. I want you to know that it pays off.
Jade is great. Absolutely a breath of fresh air; she's funny and relatable and very, very hot. Her teasing Evelyn with the O-face in the kitchen made me actually laugh out loud.
I saw some comments saying the graphics were dated/ugly and I completely disagree. The backgrounds and overall graphical quality of the models are perfectly adequate and the character designs themselves are very attractive and generally distinctive.
Sex scenes are hot. Very, very hot. Jade is a baddie and I like how head-over-heels people are for her body and confidence.
Suggestions:
Okay, so right back to the sex scenes! I think the best one so far was easily Evelyn's club scene. I've got some stupidly long post about it somewhere on this site, but I think what makes or breaks a good sex scene is context. Regular porn is lame AF because it's just some pornstars fumbling some stupid dialogue and then they're prone in sixty seconds. It's just cock-in-pussy and bouncing tits - it's hot, sure, but it's not properly EROTIC. Jade being Misses Steal-Your-Girl is a pretty easy way to turn up the taboo meter, and Evelyn nails it. You have the groundwork setup with their conversation in the bar and we can see where things are going to go (Oh no I love my family so much and I love being Mom but I really wish I could just get a good dicking whatever will I do), but once they're out there in the alleyway, that's when it really comes together. Evelyn's fantasies are running wild, she's practically squirming at the thought of this strong, sensitive stranger just MAKING her into a slut. Evelyn is so pent up from being unsatisified in general, her particular desires for rougher sex, and with her guilt and borderline identity crisis at being so aroused by this stranger despite her position as a wife and mother. Succumbing to temptation doesn't just endanger her marriage, it's a threat to her self-image as the good mother. This spawns this desire for Jade to force her into it; it's not something Evelyn can do, she wants to get fucked but that's not something she can take for herself, so she's closing her eyes and imagining Jade pulling her by the arm out into the alley and bending her over right there. She's talking to herself about how much stronger Jade is, how Evelyn couldn't possibly say no to her, how Jade would surely get mad at her if she did so if and when she DOES demand Evelyn submit, Evelyn will simply have to.
Her inner dialogue in this scene is what really sells it. I can practically smell the horniness on this poor woman. If this was just Hunky Futa Bangs Milfy Wife 720p.mp4 this would be nothing special, but all of this juicy context pumps the sexiness through the roof.
Once they get to it, Jade picks up on what's going on in Evelyn's head and teases Evelyn for being so desperate for a hard fuck. I liked this, I thought overall the actual sex scene was very good. But... I was wanting a little more. Just one step further on the teasing, some verbal or physical abuse, some domination... Nothing crazy; Jade is banging a stranger and she's a dominant person, not evil. I just felt like it was missing a little "oomph" after all that buildup of Evelyn fantasizing about being basically forced to have sex with a hot stranger. Going forward with Evelyn, I hope this comes up again: she wanted Jade to push her down and fuck her. I'm avoiding a certain word here, but dubcon and power dynamics play like that is a huge turn on for an alarming portion of the population and there is a metric ton of proverbial spice in a scene where Jade forces Evelyn to confront that fact and be transformed by it.
In general, I hope that the sexual dynamics between Jade and the rest of the cast are as distinctive as their personalities and that future scenes really dig into the meat of what makes the sex meaningful in that all-important context. Frankly, I'm almost giddy thinking about what a writer of your caliber can do with Mia.
Nitpicks:
In the conversation between Jade and Isabella at the start of Chapter 2, I noticed a lot of pauses in the back-and-forth before they opened their mouthes. I'd see the new dialogue, <space>, see the other character, <space>, paaaaauuuuse, they open their mouth, <space> <space> <space> <space>, new dialogue. I understand using pauses for the sake of pacing the scene and I think generally I like the idea of the screen cutting to the other character before their dialogue pops up, but that one conversation stood out as being excessive with the pauses.
Out of the entire cast presented so far, the only one that felt like a caricature was Adam(?), the brother. Even if he's a completely unrepentant asshat to his sister, the guy IS married and was the golden child when they were kids. I don't find it believable that he's got flat 1 in his Charisma stat, which is how he comes across right now. Like, joking that you were expecting your own sister to just die when she disappeared? That's borderline evil or terminally unaware.
Jade looks like she's been all oiled up in a lot of scenes. I particularly noticed this when she was talking to Sam in the alley and I thought that she was just really sweaty for a moment. It's hot, sure, but it's also out of place.
A few characters have same-face-syndrome. Viv(?) the investigator girl, Nate's GF, and Julie(?) the first girl in the bar all looked very similar.
////
With the meaningful feedback out of the way...
I really like Isabella. Ironically, she seemed like the most "basic" potential romance partner for a while, despite being Jade's cousin. I think they'd be cute together, and I am totally looking forward to that massage scene. If this doesn't pan out to be a harem game, I'd consider her as first or second playthrough. Very cute, I like how obviously she's crushing on Jade - but Jade has been pretty straightforward and aware. I feel like she should be aware of Isabella's mirin', but is she?
Maria(Aunt?) is probably first if we don't have a harem route, purely because young futa's giving their MILF relatives the D is peak fiction.
Viv... I'm neutral about. Feels very plot relevant, so we'll probably be seeing plenty of her.
Ashley is very cute and I almost felt bad about seducing her friend. Almost.
Blair(Ashely's friend?) was very sexy flashing Jade so brazenly. Definitely needs correcting - though I am relieved that she's old enough to be dating college guys. I was a bit concerned at first before I remembered that Jade is just an absolute unit compared to anybody.
Evelyn, well, I've said enough about Evelyn. Incredibly hot scene, and I'm looking forward to giving her everything her wicked heart desires. Besides, she deserves better.
Julie was there and gone. Cute, but no comment.
Mia, Mia, Mia. Usually incest plots resolve, ironically, as very vanilla "soul mate" stories. I think it's because "I just think my sister is hot" isn't quite enough to jump the believability and taboo barrier, so making them destined lovers resolves that story issue. In this case, I think the answer is her girlfriend - Ivy(?). Since she's obviously a superfreak and would love to see some wincest, I think the best answer for maximum CONTEXT is them being roped together by Mia's inevitable curiosity about her sister's secret and Jade's incredible horniness being untempered due to their relative separation when they were younger. Ivy figures out that there is a Golden Path to Jade clapping her sister's cheeks and finds a way to get it done. Considering some people were asking for a "sub" Jade option, I think this might be the best opportunity. Jade does not strike me as a sub at all, but getting into something like a threesome with her own twin sister does seem like something that would put even her considerable ego on the backfoot.
Might be getting names mixed up, but the only one I wasn't sure about was Nate's GF. I'm actually not the biggest fan of NTR, certainly not netorase content, but in the context of a neglectful or abusive partner I don't mind it as much. So yeah, Nate seems like he's a normal guy and one of the few people that put up with younger Jade, so betraying that trust doesn't feel good. Seems like they might be into some kinky shit though, maybe he's up for it? IDK.
Sam is very different, obviously lol. I'm looking forward to seeing how he develops, but there's not really any chemistry between him and Jade like there is with... well, Jade and most of her family, esp. Ashley and Isabella.
...
...
...
Any possibility of a hatefuck with Jade and her mom at some point?
