VN Ren'Py Completed Instinct Unleashed [Final] [Kind Nightmares]

[DankMemesAndCreams]

Jade (to Andy): "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who want to be blackmailed."
Unless she's playing some serious 5D chess here, I think it's missing a "don't."


*Ivy, on the wiretap, smiling devilishly and nodding.*

I really enjoyed the writing this chapter, and more Evelyn content is always appreciated.
... More everybody content is appreciated. I usually focus on one or two characters in VNs, but I'm enjoying the thickening plot and the "thick plot" for all the cast. I was actually a little disappointed with Jade's brother this time around. Even if it meant closing the Evelyn path, seeing him get over being a weapons-grade douche was satisfying at first, but alas...

 

[Craigdon97]

How often are updates?

 

[Kind Nightmares]

Jade (to Andy): "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who want to be blackmailed."
Unless she's playing some serious 5D chess here, I think it's missing a "don't."

Pardon me? You mean "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who DON'T want to be blackmailed."
If so, then the phrase has the exact opposite meaning. Jade meant that you can't blackmail someone who doesn't want to be blackmailed.

 

[Kind Nightmares]

How often are updates?

Once in a month, maybe month and a half.

 

[DankMemesAndCreams]

Jade meant that you can't blackmail someone who doesn't want to be blackmailed.

I'm afraid that phrase doesn't quite work in English.
You cannot blackmail someone who doesn't want to to be blackmailed -> You can blackmail someone if and only if they want to be blackmailed...?

Nobody wants to be blackmailed unless they're getting off on some kind of BDSM aspect of it. Otherwise it's a strictly hostile interaction; nobody wants to be robbed or beaten. The negative can work in this case (You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who don't want to be blackmailed) but only because the alternative assumption is not that a person would want to be blackmailed, but that they simply don't care. And, frankly, that wording is more natural. "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who care about being blackmailed" sounds more in line with the assertion of dominance at play here. "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who care about your blackmail" could work as well, and focuses more on her dismissing what dirt he has on her rather than claiming to not care about blackmail in general.

Anyways, I was reminded of your game earlier today:

 

[Tasera]

I'm afraid that phrase doesn't quite work in English.
You cannot blackmail someone who doesn't want to to be blackmailed -> You can blackmail someone if and only if they want to be blackmailed...?

Nobody wants to be blackmailed unless they're getting off on some kind of BDSM aspect of it. Otherwise it's a strictly hostile interaction; nobody wants to be robbed or beaten. The negative can work in this case (You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who don't want to be blackmailed) but only because the alternative assumption is not that a person would want to be blackmailed, but that they simply don't care. And, frankly, that wording is more natural. "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who care about being blackmailed" sounds more in line with the assertion of dominance at play here. "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who care about your blackmail" could work as well, and focuses more on her dismissing what dirt he has on her rather than claiming to not care about blackmail in general.

Anyways, I was reminded of your game earlier today:
View attachment 3681669

Actually the phrase works, and delivers its intended meaning pretty well. It doesn't mean it targets the people who are getting off on the stuff, it means that you cannot blackmail someone who won't let themselves be controlled, or too cowardly to do or say anything about it and thus act submissive. Not all blackmail attempts in the world are successful, some people resist it and even turn the tables on their opponent. Jade is one such person.

 

[the X hunter]

I got handed to Jade she has nickname to almost every character
Viv -> sunshine
Blair -> babygirl
Isabella -> Bella
Evelyn -> Eva
Eric -> Ethan guy
Ashley -> princess
Sam -> Sammy
...

 

[Snugglepuff]

Actually the phrase works, and delivers its intended meaning pretty well.

It doesn't deliver it well, because it's not immediately clear what is meant by it.
Substituting "can't" with "won't" works far better.

Anyone and everyone can be blackmailed, but not everyone will let themself be blackmailed.

 

[Kind Nightmares]

Learning something new every day, I guess.

 

[dante42]

who care it's just a phrase, the story in it self is more important in my humble opinion and i love it, so dev keep up the great works, never change your story and/or the graphique, good luck.

 

[shamtiiomi]

the only think is work fro me since the start of the game[im not saying nothing else works] is that she isnt going to take shit from anybody[bcs only that i love the game] so try to blackmail a person who sont care about the shitty ppl is amuse,but now we have that she cares about others too,those who she will willing to bend her own boundaries and nerves,....and to be honest that inquiring character she have is what ppls say ,curiosity kills the cat and knock up the women's

 

[DankMemesAndCreams]

who care it's just a phrase , the story in it self is more important in my humble opinion

Just as a film can't be appreciated on a smudged and scratched projector, a story can't captivate a reader with unclear or incorrect language. Anybody that wants the game to succeed should care about the writing being clear and correct. This problem snaps the reader out of their immersion in the story like few others and is appropriately the frequent target of criticism of VNs. I'm not attacking Kind Nightmares, I'm trying to help the language of the game communicate their excellent characters.

 

[Snugglepuff]

Just as a film can't be appreciated on a smudged and scratched projector, a story can't captivate a reader with unclear or incorrect language.

That's not really an appropriate analogy.
It'd be more like a small sequence of frames in the film reel has a light, but noticeable, scratch - A minor inconvenience when compared to the whole.

Anybody that wants the game to succeed should care about the writing being clear and correct.

As clear and understandable as the dev can, which has overall been fine so far. The phrase used was correct, but it isn't as clear as it could/should be.

 

[Knight_of_the_lance]

Just as a film can't be appreciated on a smudged and scratched projector, a story can't captivate a reader with unclear or incorrect language. Anybody that wants the game to succeed should care about the writing being clear and correct. This problem snaps the reader out of their immersion in the story like few others and is appropriately the frequent target of criticism of VNs. I'm not attacking Kind Nightmares, I'm trying to help the language of the game communicate their excellent characters.

I still to this day have a grudge against a particular translation made in the Hexagon that didn't care to consider that it would be read in the whole of French speaking countrys. More than TWENY years later. It got me right out of the story I was reading. I would argue that while the specific section of text discussed here had me pause a bit in my reading to make sure I understood KN's intent clearly, it is not as bad as my previous experience.

the only think is work fro me since the start of the game[im not saying nothing else works] is that she isnt going to take shit from anybody[bcs only that i love the game] so try to blackmail a person who sont care about the shitty ppl is amuse,but now we have that she cares about others too,those who she will willing to bend her own boundaries and nerves,....and to be honest that inquiring character she have is what ppls say ,curiosity kills the cat and knock up the women's

Your non English autocorrect is showing. (That is why I rarely post while at work.)

 

[TsubameYui]

I'm afraid that phrase doesn't quite work in English.
You cannot blackmail someone who doesn't want to to be blackmailed -> You can blackmail someone if and only if they want to be blackmailed...?

Nobody wants to be blackmailed unless they're getting off on some kind of BDSM aspect of it. Otherwise it's a strictly hostile interaction; nobody wants to be robbed or beaten. The negative can work in this case (You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who don't want to be blackmailed) but only because the alternative assumption is not that a person would want to be blackmailed, but that they simply don't care. And, frankly, that wording is more natural. "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who care about being blackmailed" sounds more in line with the assertion of dominance at play here. "You need to learn that blackmail only works on those who care about your blackmail" could work as well, and focuses more on her dismissing what dirt he has on her rather than claiming to not care about blackmail in general.

Anyways, I was reminded of your game earlier today:
View attachment 3681669

Hey there. I'm the English proofreader for the game. That phrase gave me a small pause when I first read it, but it did make sense to me. It could have been phrased better, perhaps, but I felt that the line fit Jade's character well. Keep in mind that Jade was under pressure to come up with a response, very quickly. Also, while she is a very smart person, she didn't get to finish her primary education, so on a few occasions, I've left some imperfections in her dialogue to reflect that. It wouldn't feel natural if Jade spoke like an English professor, when she was pulled out of school at 16.

I ran the line by one of my old English professors this morning, and she quite liked it. She offered a couple of possible alternatives, including one of yours, but she agreed that the current line works, based on Jade's character. I intend to go over the full script again, once the game is completed, to clean things up. Since I work off of a script file, without being able to see the renders, several mistakes get through, due to lack of visual context clues. The game is still in development, but I intend to give the dialogue a very fine polish when it's ready for release.

 

[Homealone]

Music in Ch4 amazing.

 

[SilentMobius]

I'm afraid that phrase doesn't quite work in English.
You cannot blackmail someone who doesn't want to to be blackmailed -> You can blackmail someone if and only if they want to be blackmailed...?

Native English speaker here, works just fine for me. The implication is that people place more value in their image than in their own self-worth, they create the environment for their own blackmail. It also has an extra spark of distain compared to the vanilla "You can't blackmail someone who refuses to be blackmailed"

I understoood it and approved of the linguistic detail.

 

[Kontralta]

Hey there. I'm the English proofreader for the game. That phrase gave me a small pause when I first read it, but it did make sense to me. It could have been phrased better, perhaps, but I felt that the line fit Jade's character well. Keep in mind that Jade was under pressure to come up with a response, very quickly. Also, while she is a very smart person, she didn't get to finish her primary education, so on a few occasions, I've left some imperfections in her dialogue to reflect that. It wouldn't feel natural if Jade spoke like an English professor, when she was pulled out of school at 16.

I ran the line by one of my old English professors this morning, and she quite liked it. She offered a couple of possible alternatives, including one of yours, but she agreed that the current line works, based on Jade's character. I intend to go over the full script again, once the game is completed, to clean things up. Since I work off of a script file, without being able to see the renders, several mistakes get through, due to lack of visual context clues. The game is still in development, but I intend to give the dialogue a very fine polish when it's ready for release.

Just wondering, did the professor know it was a futanari porn game?

 

[TsubameYui]

Just wondering, did the professor know it was a futanari porn game?

She did ask about it, actually. I know her quite well, so I sent her a link. She replied pretty quickly with a "laughing crying" emoji. I think she's a fan, now.

 

[damnedfrog]

She did ask about it, actually. I know her quite well, so I sent her a link. She replied pretty quickly with a "laughing crying" emoji. I think she's a fan, now.

Wow, cool professor!