VN Ren'Py Intertwined [v0.13] [Nyx]

[BuddhaOnaDiet]

Hmmm...don't think she related...but you could be along the right lines....something is amiss somewhere.

Also remember, there is the line between our mother and the neighbour where she asks our mom 'have you told him yet?' and she replies with a no, she can't, I don't want to lose him again. Now whatever this is, Erin also knows about it as her mom has told her....

I'm not sure that she is either, but it is a possibility. The two main reasons I doubt is Alexis behavior and I'm unsure wether there is incest or not. When it comes to Alexis behavior/reaction which should differ if she indeed is the MC's half-sister the same can be said for the theory of her being Erynns childhood friend. If she is, she should have put two and two together from the MC's story, but she doesn't react in a manner that hints at it. The reason could be that the dev think that it would be too easy to figure out if she had a more obvious reaction. The incest part feels like it's been hinted, doesn't mean that it will happen though. But the several occasions the MC checks Emily out, her admitting to herself getting jealous of Alexis and the fact that you can gain points with Emily. None of which is a smoking gun, but it's pointing in the direction that it is a distinct possibility. The part of the MC pointing out that Alexis has hazel colored eyes could be a red herring, if it isn't though, then I can't think of another character having the same color eye's besides the MC and quite possibly his dad. And Emily's secret that I mentioned in the original post may very well be that the MC has a sister that he knows nothing about. I can't find anything that directly contradicts my theory, that doesn't mean that I'm right though, time will tell.

 

[MrFalcon71]

Any news about next update?Can't wait to play.

 

[MrFriendly]

Any news about next update?Can't wait to play.

As of the 5th...

 

[Roelandt]

He wouldn't have. He only knows her mother's place. She also lives on rent some place else.


AFAIK yes. They do treat stepcest as incest. It's the same reason why in Sunshine Love (Mr. Dots' latest) the main LI and the MC's parents aren't married. They just cohabit for five years.

So does the law in the US at least. Don't know about other countries.

 

[Roelandt]

I played from the beginning each time even prior to my volunteering to proofread the game (these days I do it to ensure I didn't miss anything).

This game needs proofreading pretty bad. Errors in every single sentence in the game is a hard record to break. Hehe. I'm looking forward to playing the game again when the next version comes out so I can get through it without distractions!

 

[MrFriendly]

This game needs proofreading pretty bad. Errors in every single sentence in the game is a hard record to break. Hehe. I'm looking forward to playing the game again when the next version comes out so I can get through it without distractions!

Really? The game has been proofread and doesn't have errors "every single sentence". If you believe that why don't you post a few examples?

 

[Roelandt]

Really? The game has been proofread and doesn't have errors "every single sentence". If you believe that why don't you post a few examples?

No problem, MrFriendly.

This DOUBLE PERIOD is in every single sentence, except those that punctuate with a question mark or an exclamation point. There were several misuses or odd uses of punctuation other places (like the bracketing asterisk below), but I don't remember where all these were. I also saw a "confortable" somewhere, and a couple other misspells or misuse of words. I don't remember specifically since they all started to blur together during my run-through.

There was one I mentioned a few weeks ago where the MC was talking but he was labeled as Layla. Nyx fixed that the same day I mentioned it.

 

[MrFriendly]

No problem, MrFriendly.

This DOUBLE PERIOD is in every single sentence, except those that punctuate with a question mark or an exclamation point. There were several misuses or odd uses of punctuation other places (like the bracketing asterisk below), but I don't remember where all these were. I also saw a "confortable" somewhere, and a couple other misspells or misuse of words. I don't remember specifically since they all started to blur together during my run-through.

There was one I mentioned a few weeks ago where the MC was talking but he was labeled as Layla. Nyx fixed that the same day I mentioned it.

View attachment 853161

Yeah, since I volunteered to do this I didn't want to step on Nyx's toes. The double period felt like a choice on Nyx's part. But, as I've seen a couple of people mention it, I was planning on going through and eliminating it. Nyx also uses the British spelling of some words which I also left. Simply put, as I am a Patron and not part of the project, I didn't want to alter too many words/wholesale change everything. Most of my changes were of egregious/eye catching issues and then relying on players to let me know if they see an issue. At the same time I don't want to make so many changes that it is no longer the story that Nyx wrote. I don't want to "insert myself" into the writing.

Overall, without feedback from players, I do what I can each release and then go back and try to "polish" the previous releases.

 

[Roelandt]

Yeah, since I volunteered to do this I didn't want to step on Nyx's toes. The double period felt like a choice on Nyx's part. But, as I've seen a couple of people mention it, I was planning on going through and eliminating it. Nyx also uses the British spelling of some words which I also left. Simply put, as I am a Patron and not part of the project, I didn't want to alter too many words/wholesale change everything. Most of my changes were of egregious/eye catching issues and then relying on players to let me know if they see an issue. At the same time I don't want to make so many changes that it is no longer the story that Nyx wrote. I don't want to "insert myself" into the writing.

Overall, without feedback from players, I do what I can each release and then go back and try to "polish" the previous releases.

Thanks for doing what you do, MrFriendly. When someone proofreads my stuff, I don't mind if they make corrections. If they see something they suspect might be style, but is erroneous, they ask me about it. Unless it's something like the lingo of a character's dialogue, I almost always relent. But since double-periods aren't a thing in English, and likely a word-processing error when written, if you suspect it's style, bringing it to Nyx's attention would probably be well received. Certainly the reader!

Writers NEED proofreaders because it is VERY difficult to proof your own work because your eye and brain anticipate when reading and often subconsciously skip over words in sentences, so it's very easy to miss stuff. Unless you come back to it weeks or months later or use mind-numbing tricks like reading sentences backward.

 

[Maviarab]

No problem, MrFriendly.

This DOUBLE PERIOD is in every single sentence, except those that punctuate with a question mark or an exclamation point. There were several misuses or odd uses of punctuation other places (like the bracketing asterisk below), but I don't remember where all these were. I also saw a "confortable" somewhere, and a couple other misspells or misuse of words. I don't remember specifically since they all started to blur together during my run-through.

There was one I mentioned a few weeks ago where the MC was talking but he was labeled as Layla. Nyx fixed that the same day I mentioned it.

View attachment 853161

Yeah, since I volunteered to do this I didn't want to step on Nyx's toes. The double period felt like a choice on Nyx's part. But, as I've seen a couple of people mention it, I was planning on going through and eliminating it. Nyx also uses the British spelling of some words which I also left. Simply put, as I am a Patron and not part of the project, I didn't want to alter too many words/wholesale change everything. Most of my changes were of egregious/eye catching issues and then relying on players to let me know if they see an issue. At the same time I don't want to make so many changes that it is no longer the story that Nyx wrote. I don't want to "insert myself" into the writing.

Overall, without feedback from players, I do what I can each release and then go back and try to "polish" the previous releases.

don't have a problem with that myself...indicates she pausing slightly...perfectly acceptable in my opinion.

 

[Reniere]

So I actually like the changes between English and Spanish since I do those myself(From pr). But at times I see small mistakes like solo estás (here alone) solo is for males Sola is for females. So unless Elena is tucking a sausage I can't see. Also sometimes some of the Spanish sentences aren't complete again the "solo estas" part it should be tu estás sola (are you alone). Now the Layla está cambiando (Layla is changing) should be Layla está cambiándose which means the same thing.. I know stupid nickpick just when I read it I tend to fix it for myself.

EDIT
Just realized that it just might be different Spanish dialect and I'm imposing my dialect without knowing.

 

[Baltofer]

Now the Layla está cambiando (Layla is changing) should be Layla está cambiándose which means the same thing

I think it should be Layla se está cambiando

 

[Reniere]

I think it should be Layla se está cambiando

That would also be a way of saying it.

 

[Deleted member 596203]

That would also be a way of saying it.

Some has already been changed/corrected. Thank you.

Only took 1 year of Spanish. I guess it's time for a refresher course or something.

 

[MrFriendly]

don't have a problem with that myself...indicates she pausing slightly...perfectly acceptable in my opinion.

Unfortunately the 2 periods is omnipresent, or nearly. It appears in place of other punctuation. If you were to read it aloud as you played it would sound Shatnerian. I don't want that, I am sure Nyx doesn't want that, but I didn't really contemplate removing it until someone mentioned it after last update.

As a proofreader I struggle to avoid making too many changes and not enough, using the feedback of the players and writer to judge what I should do.

 

[Deleted member 596203]

Unfortunately the 2 periods is omnipresent, or nearly. It appears in place of other punctuation. If you were to read it aloud as you played it would sound Shatnerian. I don't want that, I am sure Nyx doesn't want that, but I didn't really contemplate removing it until someone mentioned it after last update.

As a proofreader I struggle to avoid making too many changes and not enough, using the feedback of the players and writer to judge what I should do.

I changed them already in the upcoming episode. Episodes 1-4 will be changed in the 5.5 version when I also change the code.

 

[MrFriendly]

I changed them already in the upcoming episode. Episodes 1-4 will be changed in the 5.5 version when I also change the code.

No worries, as always I am here to help. I will happily proofread the releases so that I can catch anything you miss.

 

[Reniere]

Some has already been changed/corrected. Thank you.

Only took 1 year of Spanish. I guess it's time for a refresher course or something.

It's all Good at least you took up another language. It shows that you aren't just doing it to be different but you actually took the time to learn the language. Plus taught Spanish is very formal way of speaking and I been speaking Spanish since I was 4 (30now). So I speak very un formal so street best way of saying it.

 

[sergop]

Is there a Discord server?

 

[MrFalcon71]

I changed them already in the upcoming episode. Episodes 1-4 will be changed in the 5.5 version when I also change the code.

You are doing excellant and story made me play 5 times(from latest update).Believe me if i get money soon i will support you but i am broke right now.