VN Ren'Py Jinxed Mark [v0.01.1] [ALEXIDUNCAN]

[hoborg]

JFC this was terrible.
Besides the fact that some of the screenshots arent even in the game thats available.

 

[Raziel_8]

*note:through out the whole game, walter will not notice the betrayal,nor feeling of any...

I don't know how you plan to do this.
But just to be sure, you do know, that if Walter is still having sex with the girls after the MC started to do it with them, you will get an even stronger response as until now, when the MC hasn't done anything with them yet.

Also, isn't it kinda half the the fun of Netori to humiliate the other guy, make him feel as the loser, betrayed by all he cared for and destroy him.

 

[Sterkh90]

I don't know how you plan to do this.
But just to be sure, you do know, that if Walter is still having sex with the girls after the MC started to do it with them, you will get an even stronger response as until now, when the MC hasn't done anything with them yet.

Also, isn't it kinda half the the fun of Netori to humiliate the other guy, make him feel as the loser, betrayed by all he cared for and destroy him.

Come on, the dev won't let their favorite character suffer. That's what MC is for.

 

[OWSam000]

sigh, i think the biggest issue i m facing now is the lack of knowledge of how this thread shld be functioning
as a beneficiary of the forum itself, i played games shared by heroes uploaded to the forum.
therefore, i was expecting some hereos to share the vip version of the game here as well (i dont mind that, yet i cant share it myself to reserve the vip privilege), which will reveal some hidden message of the story

but seeing so much of misunderstanding here and there clogs my mind with lotsa negative energy that i cant focus on the game development atm
so, to clarify why i use the tags, here are some FAQs that will spoil the plots fyi, (will compensate the vip tiers with other spoilers soon)

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well, thats all i had to say

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i hope i did made it clear atm

Thank you for your clarification and being honest to your plan for the game.
After reading all your information, I am sure this game won't be my kind of game to play.
You can insist developing the game that is a rip-off/pay tribute to some games you liked playing. However, you are warned that(like previous posts said before) this kind of beta mc netori harem game may not be the best scenario that harem players enjoy playing.
If you target harem supporters, you had better change the whole plot.
If you target supporters who are into beta stealing girls, feel free to continue and do as you wish.

 

[marcodelamoret]

​

It's not fucking true!
Cowland
grew up

 

[alexiddd]

JFC this was terrible.
Besides the fact that some of the screenshots arent even in the game thats available.

Most images in introduction folders r used. Some r dedicated to the inner thought scenes for the girls in vip version.
Eg. Alycia's shocked face when mc went into the room
N some scene will hint out something strsnge is happening

 

[King Slayer100]

Wtf did I just read ? Comment section is a dumpster fire .
So basically it's a beta male MC simulator where mc collect the left overs.
Creepy bich boi mc is watching lis getting fucked lol maybe he should join walter's harem . Make him a sissy that what story wants him to be anyways .Calling it a harem sould be a wärçrime .

 

[alexiddd]

I've read all of this. It's obvious that you're unfamiliar with what harem enjoyers are after and even what NTR enjoyers are after. The 5-star review you received is obviously from an NTR enjoyer, and from your entire explanation here, you mention that you don't intend for any of the content to be NTR; it's obvious you don't understand what people are looking for.
Since I think you are truly trying to understand where the outrage is coming from, I will try to explain.

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Now that we went through that, the reason why people say Walter is the MC or he should be the MC is because he's capable of getting the women and corrupting them and banging them, regardless of "how" he got them. He's a dominator and not a simp like the MC. It's really just a way to get the point across that the MC is a pathetic loser undeserving of a harem. Also, the beginning scene of the "trainer" getting some is also unenjoyable. This isn't fan service as you think. Maybe to NTR enjoyers it is. Anyway, you have a decision to make because, as you can see in the responses I made, you are very much catering to a completely different audience than you want to be, and that's okay if you mean it that way, but you don't. Good luck, bud.

Well, thanks the comment and long explanation,
I think its the difference of playing a game n watching porn?
Coz some porns will show the impotent guy bang the actress, then the stealer (masseur, trainer) comes in, and all i want is seeing girls being fked

Ah! I think i understand now?
Bcoz i always think that the end content is netori, i didn't put the ntr tag, but since the game contains ntr elements (li being fk by others) tat i shld put that on?

So what i did wrong is misused wrong tags n drawing wrong target audiences

 

[alexiddd]

Haha, got me worried for a second~ xD
Have a nice day mate~

Edit:
Ah, btw read some parts of the reviews and make 2 recommendations
1. Whatever you do, do not shrink the mc's dong it's the selling point! (Saw many games die because of those shrimp pp lovers spamming creators with "make it smaller, make it smaller" till the creators listen and the game gets ruined... and abandoned... better just ignore those people.)
2. It's your game, honestly I never played lucky mark and will probably never, but yours I will try out, so just have fun creating "your" game~ (But you should really add a naming function for the mc~ )

Will nvr do. I intended to do something like the lana rhodes trainer scene (ofcoz not so right into action)
The big1 is needed to touch parts that normal/formal gym guidance/massage cant reach

Naming function is done
N adding text sizing, dialog box opacity options is on the testing

Shld b releasing a minor update soon

 

[Raziel_8]

I think its the difference of playing a game n watching porn?
Coz some porns will show the impotent guy bang the actress, then the stealer (masseur, trainer) comes in, and all i want is seeing girls being fked

Yes, quite a bit of difference. You will also have many harem/romance players which play immersive.

Ah! I think i understand now?
Bcoz i always think that the end content is netori, i didn't put the ntr tag, but since the game contains ntr elements (li being fk by others) tat i shld put that on?

That is a bit of a double-edged sword.
On the one hand, that will prevent the people which don't like walt banging LI's come here.
On the other hand, that will mean you will kinda miss the player base you want to reach and instead you will attract ntr fans, which will then complain because what you want to do is not a ntr game...or at least from what i understand from your posts.

If you want my 2 cents, don't show Walter banging the LI's, we can guess he has sex with his gf and i'm sure you will find a way for the MC finds out about the Maid's situation otherwise. That would solve most of your problems.
But it depends how you want your game to be going forward.
If Walter having sex is not a thing going forward it's no lose to remove these scenes.
If you want that to be a thing, well, no point removing them and if Walter is still banging the girls when the MC is involved with them, then you should also add the ntr tag...otherwise you will get a lot of pissed off people in your thread.

 

[alexiddd]

Thank you for your clarification and being honest to your plan for the game.
After reading all your information, I am sure this game won't be my kind of game to play.
You can insist developing the game that is a rip-off/pay tribute to some games you liked playing. However, you are warned that(like previous posts said before) this kind of beta mc netori harem game may not be the best scenario that harem players enjoy playing.
If you target harem supporters, you had better change the whole plot.
If you target supporters who are into beta stealing girls, feel free to continue and do as you wish.

Thanks for the comment.
So, its the tag issue then?
Maybe i dont understand the harem term enough .
My intention is the mc getting the girls n kicking the bully out of the scene will do. (Eg. Dating anime?)
I dunno there is so much deeper meaning and constraints n TnC in this term...
Will remove it soon after a minor update

 

[alexiddd]

Yes, quite a bit of difference. You will also have many harem/romance players which play immersive.

That is a bit of a double-edged sword.
On the one hand, that will prevent the people which don't like walt banging LI's come here.
On the other hand, that will mean you will kinda miss the player base you want to reach and instead you will attract ntr fans, which will then complain because what you want to do is not a ntr game...or at least from what i understand from your posts.

If you want my 2 cents, don't show Walter banging the LI's, we can guess he has sex with his gf and i'm sure you will find a way for the MC finds out about the Maid's situation otherwise. That would solve most of your problems.
But it depends how you want your game to be going forward.
If Walter having sex is not a thing going forward it's no lose to remove these scenes.
If you want that to be a thing, well, no point removing them and if Walter is still banging the girls when the MC is involved with them, then you should also add the ntr tag...otherwise you will get a lot of pissed off people in your thread.

I got ur point. Its better for me for not using too-biased tags then.
Literally I nvr tot thats these terms had so much deeper meaning n devotions

 

[GodlessPhantom]

Thanks for the comment.
So, its the tag issue then?
Maybe i dont understand the harem term enough .
My intention is the mc getting the girls n kicking the bully out of the scene will do. (Eg. Dating anime?)
I dunno there is so much deeper meaning and constraints n TnC in this term...
Will remove it soon after a minor update

The problem is you are showing future li's/li's fucking other male/male's. As it is this is not a harem or netori game by what you have shown but it does look and play like a NTR/NTS game. Most harem/netori fans are not going to like this and be turned off by it. I can not see this beta mc cucking anybody. Some advise do not show or tmi Walter or other males besides mc fucking anyone not li's not random npc's and get rid of the cuck voyeur crap or make it and li's avoidable. Make mc less of a simp with some personality worthy of being a mc in a netori game.

 

[nhnf85]

I got ur point. Its better for me for not using too-biased tags then.
Literally I nvr tot thats these terms had so much deeper meaning n devotions

https://f95zone.to/threads/so-you-want-to-make-a-harem-a-helpful-guide-to-the-basics.150068/

 

[Jed]

There are some things in this game that really hit some kinks for me - the casual nudity and sex in front of other people, including men and women, being the big ones. I know I'm outside the norm for the forum in that I like "sharing" routes of games - not like a lot of NTR or cucking where a bunch of negative emotions like embarrassment, jealousy, etc., are involved, but actual sexual sharing of the females with some amount of comradery between the men. If that that relationship then turns bad and the MC "steals" the other guy's girls because the other guy was doing something bad like mind controlling them, that's fine - but I don't get off on sexual humiliation (as in, humiliation because you suck at sex; exhibitional embarrassment works fine).

If I were to adjust how the game intro is so far, I would:
* Redo all scenes showing the MC's dick in the flashbacks so that they only imply it. These are very much not cool as-is for, I think, obvious reasons. They also definitely violate Patreon guidelines and removing the dick scenes could help avoid problems.
* Make Walter less sexually lame. I don't get off watching a guy be pathetic when having sex or a women actively not enjoying having sex. This is a sex game; it's okay to make the scenes of Walter having sex also be sexy.
* Have the MC start out trusting Walter rather than the whole "I considered his presence around my mother to be stalking, but nobody else did, and he never actually did anything technically objectionable, and also he keeps offering to give me money and help me out and that's really evil" story it is now. A slower reveal of Walter as being essentially an evil bastard who has mind-controlled a bunch of women into being his sex slaves, and the MC dealing with a descent into depravity followed by freeing the women and getting rid of Walter, would make for an effective and sexy story.
* Some sort of explanation for why Mint lives with Walter would be appropriate to have in the intro. If the MC's mother was so close to Walter, and Mint lives with Walter, why did he only meet her randomly in 12th grade and not know she lives with Walter until now?
* Personally I prefer more of a poly style than a "one true relationship with side-pieces" style, but that's personal preference. If it is supposed to be that one true relationship style game, making that clear could be good.
* Make sure the tags/description are correct for the game; you definitely don't want people to play the game thinking only the MC will ever get with the girls if Walter is shown banging them. I'll let others put their opinions on *how* to tag it properly since I don't use that system and don't have that hang-up so I don't filter it out, but I know a lot of others do.
* Making the MC more of a mentally normal person instead of constantly feeling attacked/scared/etc would really be nice. I could also do without the literally magic penis stuff, but that's more in the realm of "that's weird but doesn't interfere with anything" than something that needs changing.

 

[alexiddd]

I don't know how you plan to do this.

Smthing like this

But just to be sure, you do know, that if Walter is still having sex with the girls after the MC started to do it with them, you will get an even stronger response as until now, when the MC hasn't done anything with them yet.

Thats where

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comes in.

 

[Raziel_8]

Smthing like this

Ok that's funny

Thats where

That's fine, not every netori game needs to humiliate the other guy. Thought, i certainly prefer them if the other guy is a antagonist.

 

[alexiddd]

https://f95zone.to/threads/so-you-want-to-make-a-harem-a-helpful-guide-to-the-basics.150068/

Thanks for sharing.
Now i got the point!

Getting a 1st-gen EM rifle doesn't makes an action movie a scifi movie
CoD:mw is not sci-fi

 

[alexiddd]

There are some things in this game that really hit some kinks for me - the casual nudity and sex in front of other people, including men and women, being the big ones. I know I'm outside the norm for the forum in that I like "sharing" routes of games - not like a lot of NTR or cucking where a bunch of negative emotions like embarrassment, jealousy, etc., are involved, but actual sexual sharing of the females with some amount of comradery between the men. If that that relationship then turns bad and the MC "steals" the other guy's girls because the other guy was doing something bad like mind controlling them, that's fine - but I don't get off on sexual humiliation (as in, humiliation because you suck at sex; exhibitional embarrassment works fine).



If I were to adjust how the game intro is so far, I would:

* Redo all scenes showing the MC's dick in the flashbacks so that they only imply it. These are very much not cool as-is for, I think, obvious reasons. They also definitely violate Patreon guidelines and removing the dick scenes could help avoid problems

thanks for the advice.
i had made a shota-less ver when the game thread is under review/onhold, but it somehow got approved

but lucky to get raged on, at least i learn my mistake now

* Make Walter less sexually lame. I don't get off watching a guy be pathetic when having sex or a women actively not enjoying having sex. This is a sex game; it's okay to make the scenes of Walter having sex also be sexy.

the aim is to make walter the "bully" in the game, not the villainous or evil, final boss,
but bad enough to arouse discomfort around him,
at least it would looks morally correct or legit to steal from him? (helping damsel(s) in distress?)
and his sexual absent mindedness on the senior girls affect the younger girls less sexual awareneaa of their attire, give some fan service here n there for the mc, seducing/corrupting him

at 1st his role was mc's father, but to avoid patreon's incest block, he is the boss now

* Have the MC start out trusting Walter rather than the whole "I considered his presence around my mother to be stalking, but nobody else did, and he never actually did anything technically objectionable, and also he keeps offering to give me money and help me out and that's really evil" story it is now. A slower reveal of Walter as being essentially an evil bastard who has mind-controlled a bunch of women into being his sex slaves, and the MC dealing with a descent into depravity followed by freeing the women and getting rid of Walter, would make for an effective and sexy story.

not sure if you had played lucky mark b4? there is this scene in that game where the boss is trying to use his daugther to seduce his future business partner
as a ripoff, i had tot of like, walter wants to share alycia to some business partner, but scrap the idea.
i do like swinging n sharing stories too, but as this is not a swinging story, i dont want her to be humiliated after sexually connected to her

and i am trying to portray him as those one person in a friend group that is left out of all others' private chatgroup and private gathering
he is those that are helpful but like doing a big favor and brag around his deeds
touching and teasing someone unconsented like he owns the occasions

and his relationship with mc's mother is more a perspective in love/relationship
i think one(or one's friend) might had experienced this kind of situation

e.g.1 guy stand and wait for the girl outside her dorm for hrs withse in his hand
--(interested in the guy) girl: oh my, he is so romantic~
--(not interested in the guy) girl: wth, why is he so annoying!

e.g.2 guy giving girl plushies
--(interested in the guy) girl: oh my, he is so romantic, the plushie is so cute~
--(not interested in the guy) girl: wth, why is he always giving me these rubbish!

e.g.3 guy following the girl(walking/strolling)
--(interested in the guy) girl: omg, is he worrying my safety? is going to givr me a surprise?
--(not interested in the guy) girl: shit, he is stalking me! someone please help!

so you see, if some1 as such that often appeared around one's household, private gathering etc, and reluctantly expressing his sexual/romance interest/claim to one's spouse, would one be happy n welcoming?

lame but the initial intention of mc is just go there, work out his debts and be gone but end up getting tangled into some power struggle

* Some sort of explanation for why Mint lives with Walter would be appropriate to have in the intro. If the MC's mother was so close to Walter, and Mint lives with Walter, why did he only meet her randomly in 12th grade and not know she lives with Walter until now?

yes, i think i miss out this part, i was supposed to let her call him papa or something, but did miss tat out when too dependent on groks

as described above, mc's family wish no connection with walter
n mint as an introvert, she is not too socialble on information sharing. she seems talkative in the intro, but information wise, those are generally babbling rubbish
And the two were at puppy love stage, any tiny chit chat can make them heart beating n seeing stars for hrs, all these lovey-dovey r enough to fill mc brain's for thinking any background info

* Personally I prefer more of a poly style than a "one true relationship with side-pieces" style, but that's personal preference. If it is supposed to be that one true relationship style game, making that clear could be good.

* Make sure the tags/description are correct for the game; you definitely don't want people to play the game thinking only the MC will ever get with the girls if Walter is shown banging them. I'll let others put their opinions on *how* to tag it properly since I don't use that system and don't have that hang-up so I don't filter it out, but I know a lot of others do.

had learnt from my mistake on the wrong tag using...
nah, surely this is not a monogamy game. but that is the struggle of mc has to face to switch his mindset, bcoz a normal person (in real world), abide to the laws n religion(?), wont have polygamy mindset at 1st(not that he dont wanted to, just cant)

* Making the MC more of a mentally normal person instead of constantly feeling attacked/scared/etc would really be nice. I could also do without the literally magic penis stuff, but that's more in the realm of "that's weird but doesn't interfere with anything" than something that needs changing.

**the magic is not on the penis...

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he is betrayed by his best friend out of nowhere, n his friend bragging his triumph, then suddenly seek forgiveness? wont that sound suspicious?
i hid walter's corp's nature so tat it can be revealed later (the high security at the mansion n the pc), but there is hint that mc knew that it has something like mafia/underground ties, n as a normal person, its normal he doesnt want to get related with any of this mess
therefore, a man bearing his grief n huge sum of debt, he is just unsecured of his future, insulted maybe, but not attacked/scared
as you might had notice, my english is actually not that good, therefore the story polishing outcome from groks seems literally good for me, and i missed out that the scripts seems normal for me bcoz i knew all the bg stories, but not for other viewers.... (that is y game tester is an important role )

 

[alexiddd]

The most disliked character there, which most would like to tell to 'fuck off'
She left the MC without any notice after years of relationship and came back with a dumb excuse.

its vice versa, mint is an introvert, and mc is always the one doing the 1st step
when the betrayal happened, all those rage n busyness taking care of his grandma makes him forgot to move his step, n expecting her for a explanation/forgiveness/etc
when mc raged in the parlor, she is sacredly, n still thinking he is mad at her now, and expecting him to forgive her (even though she is still blur on what had happened? why mc is mad?)