A nice setup for the game, good renders, good writing - got all the big things right, which is enough to put it on the watchlist.
Some suggestions for the smaller things:
- There are a lot of hard time-based pauses, which could be minimised or done away with. On occasion, it's good for the developer to control the flow of action, but when it happens too many times, they start to feel like speed bumps, especially while replaying scenes.
- Maybe the narration would be better in second-person than in third-person as it is now? More involvement of the player that way.
- During the sex scenes, there's a lot of description of the action which is obvious in the image itself. To avoid redundancies and maintain the 'show, don't tell' approach, maybe replace the descriptions with more dialog between the characters?
- The text box could stand to be a little smaller. Right now, it cuts across character's faces sometimes when dialog appears. Ideally, if you make the text box as compact as possible while maintaining legibility, you could factor those dimensions while framing your shot for render, so that no important visual info (faces, naughty bits) get rendered in that bottom area of the screen.
Only suggestions, mind. Feel free to ignore. All the best with the development.