The social incentives for participating in large, public servers are clear but the implicit and explicit tyranny within them is always sickening to my spirit. Lilcord is a pretty fun place with a lot of great people but there remains a disquieting sense of perpetual unease behind every post and exchange. Everyone knows (though many ignore) that they are being watched and comprehended. That's a distinction few appreciate; being watched is one thing, there's always eyes on everyone, but being COMPREHENDED? That is another story entirely. Consider making an error of some kind, like maybe you bump into an old man on the street, or maybe you tell an impulsive lie to get out of an awkward situation. Simply having some random passersby see this occur is hardly meaningful. They have no thoughts; their heads are empty, the world 'thinks far less of you than you imagine it does' (quote DFW). But image someone in the crowd comprehending - watching on with unblinking, sharp eyes and parsing what they have seen. If you catch their gaze their eyes will bore holes into yours as they deem you a liar, a sinner, one to whom they will REMEMBER as having committed these acts now prescribed to your being in all their significance. IT does NOT become water under the bridge, it becomes sludge coursing through your veins forever, a burden to forever bear, it is a PART OF YOU.
Recall the beaten-down apology of Mr. D after he was muted in Lilcord for X hours after making a joke of ill taste. Recall how he hunched his shoulders and whimpered obsequiously upon his return. Recall the uncomfortable silence and confusion which met him. Recall how his tone henceforth was just a bit more hesitant, a bit more restrained, a bit more scared. His deed was COMPREHENDED. His deed was JUDGED. His deed was REMEMBERED. And Mr. D's veins would not again be free of the sludge of his own filthy sin as long as those eyes remained on him. It should come as no surprise whatsoever what came next for him, though that's a story we all know. And it is why I, myself, cannot bear to resign myself to any such judgment. Should I offer myself up to the judgment of someone let it be my brother or my mother, not some damned another!
The interesting part of this situation, though, and something REALLY interesting, is the psychology of those who observe and comprehend. That is to say the opposite of those who shy their eyes and still their thoughts. Because I think a quirk of observers is the paranoia it induces in themselves. The thought process is something like - "I am observing others, so others may be observing me." This is something that suits Sensei from lessons in love quite well I think. One of the most tell-tale signs of an Observer, someone enacting their own judgment at all times, is that they begin to imagine others are Judging them too. And they know the terror well. So, hilariously, they develop this tendency to respond almost exclusively to negative feedback - a compulsive urge to address all criticism. Positive feedback is almost irrelevant; perhaps it surges the ego for a moment, but never for long, so they understand its irrelevance. But negative feedback? The judgment of others? It must be addressed, it MUST be destroyed. Cue a silent golem that is stirred from slumber only by criticism as they are driven to mock, belittle, attack, or do whatever else is necessary to free their OWN veins from sludge. It's the only way they can know peace. We must look on and ponder the psychology of one who feels not compelled to say one word in response to heartfelt praise or gushing enthusiasm, yet at the slightest criticism leaps from the shadows to smirk and sneer. It is an interesting phenomenon to be sure. But is it the psychology I would want in my iron tyrant? No sirree!
Recall the beaten-down apology of Mr. D after he was muted in Lilcord for X hours after making a joke of ill taste. Recall how he hunched his shoulders and whimpered obsequiously upon his return. Recall the uncomfortable silence and confusion which met him. Recall how his tone henceforth was just a bit more hesitant, a bit more restrained, a bit more scared. His deed was COMPREHENDED. His deed was JUDGED. His deed was REMEMBERED. And Mr. D's veins would not again be free of the sludge of his own filthy sin as long as those eyes remained on him. It should come as no surprise whatsoever what came next for him, though that's a story we all know. And it is why I, myself, cannot bear to resign myself to any such judgment. Should I offer myself up to the judgment of someone let it be my brother or my mother, not some damned another!
The interesting part of this situation, though, and something REALLY interesting, is the psychology of those who observe and comprehend. That is to say the opposite of those who shy their eyes and still their thoughts. Because I think a quirk of observers is the paranoia it induces in themselves. The thought process is something like - "I am observing others, so others may be observing me." This is something that suits Sensei from lessons in love quite well I think. One of the most tell-tale signs of an Observer, someone enacting their own judgment at all times, is that they begin to imagine others are Judging them too. And they know the terror well. So, hilariously, they develop this tendency to respond almost exclusively to negative feedback - a compulsive urge to address all criticism. Positive feedback is almost irrelevant; perhaps it surges the ego for a moment, but never for long, so they understand its irrelevance. But negative feedback? The judgment of others? It must be addressed, it MUST be destroyed. Cue a silent golem that is stirred from slumber only by criticism as they are driven to mock, belittle, attack, or do whatever else is necessary to free their OWN veins from sludge. It's the only way they can know peace. We must look on and ponder the psychology of one who feels not compelled to say one word in response to heartfelt praise or gushing enthusiasm, yet at the slightest criticism leaps from the shadows to smirk and sneer. It is an interesting phenomenon to be sure. But is it the psychology I would want in my iron tyrant? No sirree!
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