VN Ren'Py Love, Sex & Revenge [Ep 0 (fixed version)] [AG Studio]

[Love MILF!]

Harem, incest, milf, romance！
Not intended tags:
NTR, Sharing, Swinging, rape.
GO GO GO!This is the game I am looking for!

 

[robrize2169]

oh man this writing is making my eyes bleed.

 

[Bobbycanfly]

 

[FatGiant]

Finally, I want to ask If anyone played the game and found any issues. So, you can tell me I will try to fix it. (Well, after I woke up. Good night.)

You should take a look at went wrong here:

Spoiler

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Peace

 

[Forgotted]

"In the woman voice there was sligts bit of sadness with
a concers are present."


What the hell does that even mean?

 

[Forgotted]

"Linda with devastating news: your father had passed away."

Sorry dev....around here it's a celebration when the father dies....

Devs could get more creative with this...maybe have a monthly contest of How the dad
kicks the bucket...We could all vote on the most creative version!

Like maybe....the dad shoved a kazoo up his ass then jumped off a building and died
(made a hell of a sound on the way down!)

or who knows what....lol

F95 could come up w a special badge for it and all!!!

 

[FatGiant]

"In the woman voice there was sligts bit of sadness with
a concers are present."


What the hell does that even mean?

Keep that feeling alive, it will be present until the end. That's all you'll take from this.

Peace

 

[izilgur]

All my favorite tags are there. For now on watch list, I will come back in a couple of years, good luck dev!!

Or maybe his mother language is not english.

 

[FatGiant]

Or maybe his mother language is not english.

No. That isn't even the problem. The writing is VERY bad. The pace of the story is too fast. The plot is very thin, almost not there even. This isn't because of bad English, this is because of bad writing.

Let's see: The Mother. One moment she's very important, then it is never mentioned again. Rose, he started to say something about her, clearly forgot and never spoke of it again. Dora (the college roommate) turns into lover instantly, no need to even add water. The Dean, WTF? And so on, and so on... This isn't a problem because he doesn't speak English, it is a problem because he doesn't know what a story even is.

Bad English doesn't explain inconsistency. Doesn't explain dialogues that make zero sense. Doesn't explain plot holes (First it is Linda that tells him that is father died, then she is asking him if he knows the news). Doesn't explain writing the same word 3 times, and wrong every time in a different way (he wanted to write "cursed" but didn't).

Is it possible to save this? Maybe. But NOT with this writer.

Peace

 

[Saint Blackmoor]

"In the woman voice there was sligts bit of sadness with
a concers are present."


What the hell does that even mean?

Confucius says:
Member with more comments than reactions
is a member who talks too much.

 

[JenusKudo]

This needs a proofreading... Preferably from native English speakers... I like that optional lesbian tag... Dev really knows what's popular right now

 

[AG Studio]

"Linda with devastating news: your father had passed away."

Sorry dev....around here it's a celebration when the father dies....

Devs could get more creative with this...maybe have a monthly contest of How the dad
kicks the bucket...We could all vote on the most creative version!

Like maybe....the dad shoved a kazoo up his ass then jumped off a building and died
(made a hell of a sound on the way down!)

or who knows what....lol

F95 could come up w a special badge for it and all!!!

I know Well, I also play to many of them. (like DOD,TON,etc.)

 

[AG Studio]

OK, here I am. I am reading too many comments on peace well the reason is clear or simple in ep-0 Mc was telling about his life and what happened to him till now. (It's more of a recap of his life.) Next chapter peace going to be that fast. Well, no it going to more slower (Heck only an afternoon should fast.)
About the huge breasts ok, I will slightly shrink Linda's breasts. Well, they're going to be a character for all body types (ABCD)
Lastly, Yeah I am not a native and so, I will go to find myself a proof reader.

 

[FatGiant]

OK, here I am. I am reading too many comments on peace well the reason is clear or simple in ep-0 Mc was telling about his life and what happened to him till now. (It's more of a recap of his life.) Next chapter peace going to be that fast. Well, no it going to more slower (Heck only an afternoon should fast.)
About the huge breasts ok, I will slightly shrink Linda's breasts. Well, they're going to be a character for all body types (ABCD)
Lastly, Yeah I am not a native and so, I will go to find myself a proof reader.

Good. Maybe this will go somewhere.

There's also the Beds on the lest scene with Dora, they changed size a few times, but mostly they are gigantic.

Look, the problem is NOT Linda's breasts. Is that every woman looks like this:



One or two can be fun. ALL of them... no.

But your biggest problem is the writing, really.

Peace

 

[AG Studio]

Good. Maybe this will go somewhere.

There's also the Beds on the lest scene with Dora, they changed size a few times, but mostly they are gigantic.

Look, the problem is NOT Linda's breasts. Is that every woman looks like this:

View attachment 3743126

One or two can be fun. ALL of them... no.

But your biggest problem is the writing, really.

Peace

Well, yeah I just did it for Dora but it's look good so I added it. Also, I already say if I find a proofreader. I will update you in a couple of weeks.

 

[kupic]

oh man this writing is making my eyes bleed.

the main reason why we are all here, the grammar and the depth of the stories. yes

 

[KiraJames]

the main reason why we are all here, the grammar and the depth of the stories. yes

Its like the meat of the sandwich, like sure two pieces of bread and some veggies will fill you up and for some it's very tasty, but for a lot of people, it misses something. And good writing is like that meat in that sandwich.

 

[AG Studio]

OK, I got the proofreading version from Saint Blackmoor (Huge thank to him.) I will update this as soon as possible.

 

[Lust0ne]

These Future Tags I'm waiting for Harem, incest, milf, romance, etc.

Optional:
anal sex, pregnancy, Harem ending, etc.

Best of Luck

 

[kupic]

Its like the meat of the sandwich, like sure two pieces of bread and some veggies will fill you up and for some it's very tasty, but for a lot of people, it misses something. And good writing is like that meat in that sandwich.

Please excuse me, but after reading "meat & sandwich" my thoughts were somehow elsewhere and no longer on your post.

Please forgive me