VN Ren'Py Abandoned Lovers Lane [v0.1] [Mr.X]

2.90 star(s) 7 Votes
Discussion Reviews (7)
7767

7767

EAT
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coper.png

Overview:
The story follows 18 years old young guy, quite possibly the world's luckiest male high-school student. His mother's best friend secretly lusts after him, so arranges for him to be prescribed a questionable treatment regime for a diagnosed medical problem, requiring him to have six orgasms a day, each preceded by prolonged arousal. Things don't go quite as she planned .​

Updated: 2018-11-21
Developer/Publisher: Mr.X -
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Censorship: no
Version: 0.1
OS: Windows, Linux, MacOS
Story by: Spacer X
Language: English
Genre:
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Installation:
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Bffs2.png 20.png 48.png Aunt5.png ​
 
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Eerie Entity

Eerie Entity

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Will give it a go, lets see how it is! :)
 
U

User_10739

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@Mr..Xxx , need at least 3 tags to define what is currently in the game.
 
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U

User_51567

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The left girl looks way to cute in the Picture...
Damn..

If that's the also the case in the game itself... Then you have yourself a new Pledger @Mr..Xxx

Edit:
I have to agree with @KinkiePinkie
Dick texture just looks like a dick was created, looked to small in the creators view and just simply stretched it out instead of creating a new one.
Sloppy.... But this is only a first version so theoretically that mistake could be fixed easily ;)
 
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retardedusername

retardedusername

Member
Sep 22, 2018
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premise sounds like a potential winner. interesting looking characters. gonna give it a go.

Update:
Extremely long winded, make sure to read it out loud after you write so that you can get a more consistent pacing.
be careful with unnatural bleed-through with renders. hands should not ghost through cocks.
lots of typos and bad grammar. Also make sure to put quotes only where people are speaking. It helps to separate when a character is speaking from when they're thinking. I would also suggest putting thoughts into italics that way you can narrate without getting it confused with thoughts.
I would go through and reread your work and remove unnecessary sentences. We don't need to hear someone is beautiful ten times.
But like I said before this is a good premise and has a lot of potential. Unfortunately this won't go to the places that are sexiest on a site like Patreon.
I would offer my assistance as editor but I don't do softcore non-incest when it's obvious the story is meant to go the opposite way.

2nd update: I forgot to mention... thanks for the FREE game.
 
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khaip

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Oct 30, 2018
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Alleykatt said:
The plot appears to be a rip off of the rather famous story "Six times a day" by Spacer X. Not that I mind, but I wonder if the dev is connected with the author?
Click to expand...
It is a good basis for a game regardless. But I doubt there is any connection considering he does not use the username Spacer X and does not mention the story

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Quaszog55

Quaszog55

Member
Oct 4, 2017
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This game needs a total rewrite. The dev does not understand the difference between direct and indirect speech, third and first person narrator and doesn't give a shit about marking thoughts and speech of a character or descriptions about one in the code. He also mixes them up together without using punctuation or paragraphs (e.g. in the same sentences the third person narrator describes how the aunt thinks in first person speech about her plot, without using proper signs: ':', ',' , "..." ect). Impossible to read and enjoy. This isn't even Engrish anymore its martian. It ignores any grammar, punctuation, markings, indexes or references to any form of grammar, dialogue level or narrator stance.
 
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2.90 star(s) 7 Votes