Ren'Py Lust Survivor [v0.6.1] [Moccasin's Mirror]

[Moccasin's Mirror]

I found this today and figured I'd have a look since it looks interesting. Then I noticed who the dev is, and thought, "Oh no. This is gonna be another grammatical warzone."

Well, my memories about Moccasin's Mirror's other game I played ("New Body - New Life") are kinda hazy, but this seems less bad. I've played up till the decision on who accompanies Luna to put up the antenna, and took some notes, which you can see below. I plan on playing further, but that's enough notetaking for me.

Before we get to that, here are a couple of general comments:
- So far, it seems that Willpower is just a resource of the group as a whole. One girl spending her will shouldn't impact the willpower of the others, logically speaking. For example: If Luna decides to calm down Esmeralda, Gigi later can't stop herself from hitting on Brina. Those two choices should not be dependent on each other.
- I'm not an expert, but I don't think shockwaves propagate very well in space. So a shockwave pushing their escape ship far enough to get sucked in by a planet's gravity in a reasonable timeframe seems unlikely.

Anyway, here's the error list.

Spoiler: Misc. Errors

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That is a big list, thanks for you work! I'll start changing it now. For the willpower side I might change the name of it, because I think it should work the way it works now ( if it tracks per character it will be too much information for the player to keep track, at least I think that). And for the space shockwaves I'll fix that, honestly I never stop to think about it and you are the first one to point that out.

 

[Necrosian]

They

grow up

so fast

 

[Frogperson]

Love your game! Cheers for making it! However, a lot could be improved regarding spelling and grammar.
For instance: On the fourth text box it reads "And let's she attends to this place of learning..." - that should probably be something like "And let's assume she is attending a place of learning..."
or
on the next text box its "Like a highschool but for people who conviniently are 18 or older" which should likely be "Like a high school, but for people who, conveniently, are 18 or older"
or
on the following text box: "The will power can be explained in an easy way, making things that goes against your nature costs willpower and doing stuff that's in your own nature will be easier on you giving you more willpower." that sentence is hard to understand, I'd suggest "Willpower is easily explained. Doing things in accordance with your nature grants you willpower. Inversely, acting against your nature will cost you willpower."
I don't mean to be a grammar nazi - I'd like to see this game improve and simple changes like the fixes I've suggested can go a long way to achieve that.

 

[Moccasin's Mirror]

Love your game! Cheers for making it! However, a lot could be improved regarding spelling and grammar.
For instance: On the fourth text box it reads "And let's she attends to this place of learning..." - that should probably be something like "And let's assume she is attending a place of learning..."
or
on the next text box its "Like a highschool but for people who conviniently are 18 or older" which should likely be "Like a high school, but for people who, conveniently, are 18 or older"
or
on the following text box: "The will power can be explained in an easy way, making things that goes against your nature costs willpower and doing stuff that's in your own nature will be easier on you giving you more willpower." that sentence is hard to understand, I'd suggest "Willpower is easily explained. Doing things in accordance with your nature grants you willpower. Inversely, acting against your nature will cost you willpower."
I don't mean to be a grammar nazi - I'd like to see this game improve and simple changes like the fixes I've suggested can go a long way to achieve that.

Thanks, after I write I'm really bad at noticing my errors and since I'm not a native english speaker there must be a lot of errors. At least for v0.7 I have a lot of fixes from a previous post. In any case I'll fix the ones you pointed out too of course.