VN Ren'Py Moonlit Devotion: A Paladin's Harem [v0.02] [SilverWingBastion]

[kibaris]

seem like a realy good game, a shame for the sandbox and kinetic part though...

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The worse part about all that is that since Kyra is an li, they probably will be quickly forgiven for it anyway since the game should be mostly kinetic from what the dev said
But if Kyra (and Metis, even if i doubt that she's an li) can be avoided it will be one of those very rare times when i wont hesitate to avoid a character though.

 

[Lynava]

seem like a realy good game, a shame for the sandbox and kinetic part though...

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The worse part about all that is that since Kyra is an li, they probably will be quickly forgiven for it anyway since the game should be mostly kinetic from what the dev said
But if Kyra (and Metis, even if i doubt that she's an li) can be avoided it will be one of those very rare times when i wont hesitate to avoid a character though.

we don't know what's going on with Kyra , sort of. I also think she might have been forced to leave by her sister.

 

[sigvar]

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Awww, shit. I liked this last update but missed the roadmap post. It is 2025, we don't need sandbox anymore! Damn it. A good story that starts out great and then turns into a sandbox is actually worse than one that gets abandoned, IMO.

 

[lolzmandude]

Honestly, I'm kinda confused by the MC a bit... like he had the interaction with the goddess and wanted to love all the girls but then... I don't really get why he isn't upfront about it? like he tells the tavern girl? but then there's the weird like jealousy that's shown between the two girls and I'm wondering what his plan is. Like is he waiting for all the girls to be there before he tells them all at once? as if that's going to make it less awkward or something? ... I mean... I guess?? It may seem awkward to have a thing going on and then just inviting the rest as they come along?

 

[literalnobody_]

A good start, quite liked it overall.
At the moment - nice and distinct chars with at least some depth, intriguing fantasy-ish plot done mostly right, cute romantic/intimate moments and etc.
All pretty solid.
Now for some nitpicks:

• There's a bit too much tell and too little show at times. I suggest making the most of the medium here - it's a visual novel after all! Basically, instead of writing "she had a concerned look on her face" you show it. I know it's not just a question of writing/adapting said writing skills to a different medium but of a dev/render time too - yet things like that won't only go a long way to make the narrative & flow of the story feel more natural/organic but showcase the sheer emotional range of your characters too, which can do it a lot of good and add some depth.
• The planned sandbox (i presume that's what 'open world' means here?) can do the story both a lot of good (if used for side quests/optional interactions) and a lot of bad (lots of scene dependencies for progression, grind for points/time of the day hunting and etc), so i recommend being cautious with the implementation. Plot-centric games usually thrive from tightly controlled pacing, scene timings & order - hence the obvious choice of a linear plot progression, not necessarily truly kinetic - some limited choices won't always add too much of a dev burden or detract from the intended narrative. On the other hand, some sandbox elements may give a (sometimes much needed) narrative breather and/or some freedom to chose which story line or character to pursue or not. But it's a very delicate balance nonetheless, that's why i advise giving this matter some serious thought and implement what you (and play-testers) think fits the story and narrative the best, and no less importantly - won't create a lot of additional hurdles for people to enjoy your story and chars both.
• This is rather minor, but since there's at least one H scene already - implementing a gallery early on (or starting the work on it) would be pretty nice.

Tl;dr: good and promising start,
I will watch your career this vn's progress and development with great interest~

 

[malaac2025]

What a fucking shitty story. So they blinded the girl.. you were in a coma for 3 years. And you want to be a fucking paladin. What bullshit is that! I would not want anything to fucking do with the kingdom after that.. in fact I would get some damn revenge on the nobles that fucking did that too her than leave the fucking kingdom.

You can pretty much tell that Nai was responsible for her death. It's even that damn obvious. So really crappy writing. She is supposed to be friends with but not sad at her death. She came to that school to fucking stalk you. Twisted fucking sick family that hates each other. Nobody that was friends would not be crying unless they are a sick Yandere that killed her.

Nope the story is shit. I suspect there will be more shit in this game like deaths and that.. already tell this is a shit story that I won't touch. I play games for a good story with good endings and characters not dying. Enough bad shit in real life don't want to play bad shit.

 

[Yarazin]

I enjoyed this for the most part, but the first person perspective for kissing and such was very off putting for me. Hope the dev drops that. Other than that I am looking forward to the next chapter. If the game does move to a grindy sandbox though that would suck.

 

[DraxisSilencer1000]

So they're kind of orphan kids that got together? Its nice that we got a glimpse of the harem but what about the other girls? The white haired cat girl, will she be included as an LI as well?

How in the hell would you make Anny a harem member after literally hearing her crush and foster sibling confess to each other?

What's the deal with the Goddess, how is the MC her chosen one or something? I feel like goat girl would not like to share.