- Aug 15, 2017
- 77
- 188
Of course, the part you're referring to is a flash-forward, not to mention the fact that you can tell a lot about a person in just a minute or two, particularly from their tone of voice, and other non-verbals and paraverbals like posture and facial expression. I think the writing in this game is good.So far, just played to the first scene where the MC opens the door to his three bullies.
Ummm... NO. This is not okay. This is horrible writing and plot direction. Aine has said all of 3 words and yet the MC thinks
At least wait until you've actually written a dialogue or three between them to give any reason for the MC to think she's a different person.
As written the MC's thoughts aren't near angry enough. IF MC was getting bullied to the point of feeling suicidal by these three there's no way that his revenge plan was to date and dump them. Not even remotely plausible. Try a "It puts lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose" level treatment.
Unless we're going to explain that the MC has had years of therapy to get over the damage there is no way that MC's going to do anything other than slam the door in their faces and call MC's landlady in near incoherent rage.
Either you need to tone down how bad MC had it in high school or you need to give some other reason for MC to even remotely be over it.
As to whether MC could get over his bullying, considering the things he's done to change his life, and his ability to put things into perspective, I don't know that it's unreasonable. I was bulllied a lot in school, but I ended up working in schools for my whole career, partly to help other kids who get bullied, and partly to help the bullies understand that they're disrespecting themselves when they pick on people. And don't say my being bullied was insignificant -- I was at the bottom of the social heap in my schools from Kindergarten through 8th grade. It wasn't until I was in high school that I finally had some social success. That said, one of the kids who bullied me the most had a son who needed support, and was worried I wouldn't support him well. I worked as hard with him as I would with anybody's kid. She'd been through a lot in her life, and I found I didn't need to get back at her.