VN Ren'Py New Beginnings in Japan [Ch.2 v.0.6.5] [Shikharsfree]

[GokutheG]

Um.. did you miss the entire tea shop scene , if you did you would know why she wants to do a job.

and divorce still needs evidence dude , while ny may be one party consent in many laws it still requires proof as well , the reason they had to get rid of him being drunk was to throw that card out , as for the lawsuit don't worry its not a small trial , you will see all sides of it , the case was mostly won by mia anyway even without drunk as she could've brought up past charges and lawsuits of john , however adultry is a serious crime as well and it also shows that the person might be getting divorce for purely alimony benefits rather than the real cause .

I can't say much but trial does indeed happen ( not end ) in chapter 2 too so you'll see where that leads.

Also like i said before and now repeating , Azumi is the third canon ( without corruption) ending option , so no she won't be sidetracked , you will have plenty of scenes with her to get together.



I think I should make a roadmap + introductions of characters so people know what to expect as well in chapter 2 other than just mc / kiara.

Yes I know she wants to be more independent but that doesn't mean she is forced to take any crappy job due to the need of money. If she had a boss who was abusive i wouldn't expect her to stay because again she isn't in a situation where she has to put up with that crap. (and I'm glad for that)

The current way the scene is laid out Mason has tanked her case due to his advise and is a complete idiot. You also don't just hop into a shower with a woman even if she said your name and not look a bit creepy.

Again this is only a divorce proceeding so if bar video evidence of his excessive drinking can't be used then pics of her in the shower definitely couldn't be used. If the mom AND both daughters say that he tried to pull so rapey shit then that and the vid could of really helped. I'm glad that it wont be resolved in the next chapter but the girls need all the help they can get against the rapist asshole considering he has said he tried to bribe the judge, her lawyer (and others I'm sure.)

Glad to hear that Azumi is a full LI. Got concerned when she wasnt mentioned at the end along with the other 2 is all.

Hopefully the amnesia secret is something really interesting and not centered around D because I have no interest in dating or playing as him.

 

[Olivia_V]

The biggest positive here is that there is a lot of potential for good stories. That, and the main protagonist (Kiara), as well as some of the other characters, are at least likable.

There are some major negatives though.

The writing needs a lot of work. The English isn't quite as bad as you would think from some of the comments here (though the lack of correct capitalization and punctuation can give that impression), but it does need cleaning up be a more experienced speaker. Some of the idioms are off, for example. Early on, one character says "don't act hail mary" when the proper figure of speech would be "don't act like you're the Virgin Mary". Things like that. Also, don't use text shortcuts like "idk" in supposedly verbal dialogue. Refrain from awkward language switching too. "Oh my kami" is such an awkward, cringey expression, especially when "Oh my..." will do. The comment about needing a visual way to separate verbal dialogue from internal monologue is spot on. Simple italics on internal monologue will do.

Some of the nouns need clearing up too. For example, the person bringing your bags up to the room in a hotel is a bellhop, not a waiter. "Xia" is also more of a Chinese name than a Japanese one.

Most, if not all, of the men being mindless creeps is off-putting and annoying, but if you can keep kneeing them in the balls or punching them great distances, if not outright avoid them, then it's not a complete deal-breaker, at least for me. It does mess with immersion though, and can get tiring. I wouldn't risk a second male protagonist at this rate.

Finally, avoid conflicts and plot points that only seemingly occur because the characters are stupid. Not locking the bathroom door? Really? Saying that being intoxicated can get a guy off a rape charge? Or that this can stop a divorce in this day and age where no-fault divorce due to "irreconcilable differences" (aka "I'm not in love anymore") is the most common form of divorce? That lawyer is so dumb he should get disbarred. These are all dumb plot points, and that's just in the first half of the release.

 

[Acesaw]

Fun fact , it's a good choice for you too because

It has a male protag as well , although not much present in chapter 1 so i would recommend to check out chapter 2 when its out , hope you like it then!

ok nice will do.

 

[GokutheG]

Some of the idioms are off, for example. Early on, one character says "don't act hail mary" when the proper figure of speech would be "don't act like you're the Virgin Mary".

It really depends on where the writer lives and where the characters are supposed to be from. I thought they wanted to say "don't act all high and mighty."

Finally, avoid conflicts and plot points that only seemingly occur because the characters are stupid. Not locking the bathroom door? Really? Saying that being intoxicated can get a guy off a rape charge? Or that this can stop a divorce in this day and age where no-fault divorce due to "irreconcilable differences" (aka "I'm not in love anymore") is the most common form of divorce? That lawyer is so dumb he should get disbarred. These are all dumb plot points, and that's just in the first half of the release.

This is exactly what I keep trying to say. She isn't trying to have John go to prison but she wants to show that staying married is not a good situation for her family so the burden of evidence is not as high as a criminal trail.
Mason is sabotaging the best evidence against John by saying the recording should be destroyed and by getting into the shower uninvited(creep move) so now John can now say Mia has been having an affair.
This makes Mia's unfair situation even worse when John has already shown that he will buy the officials if he can. In New York Mia can say that John was drunk and tried to rape Kiara the tapes and testimony would back her up.
It really feels that the whole "delete the tape" stuff is only there to prop up John's plan to blackmail Veronica so he can rape her. This is idiotic because the recording helps Mia and paints John as the bad guy since it shows that he was drunk that night and strengthens the attempted rape claim. Being drunk isn't an excuse for a crime according to the laws in the US.

I will repeat being drunk does not excuse a crime in New York where the divorce is taking place.

 

[Lurkin23]

" So come along and join Kiara on her journey, and see how your decisions will shape her path in life and determine her fate. Will she succumb to corruption, or will she rise to greatness? The choice is yours. "

You ask that question on F95?

Corruption? Yes, please. BwahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!

The real question is.... How quickly can I corrupt the poor girl?

 

[Notheonlyone]

I find it so strange that everytime someone want's les path they get facepalmed we are all into different shit i won't shame you're Fat furry foot fuck kink don't shame people not wanting dicks.

 

[Shikharisfree]

The biggest positive here is that there is a lot of potential for good stories. That, and the main protagonist (Kiara), as well as some of the other characters, are at least likable.

There are some major negatives though.

The writing needs a lot of work. The English isn't quite as bad as you would think from some of the comments here (though the lack of correct capitalization and punctuation can give that impression), but it does need cleaning up be a more experienced speaker. Some of the idioms are off, for example. Early on, one character says "don't act hail mary" when the proper figure of speech would be "don't act like you're the Virgin Mary". Things like that. Also, don't use text shortcuts like "idk" in supposedly verbal dialogue. Refrain from awkward language switching too. "Oh my kami" is such an awkward, cringey expression, especially when "Oh my..." will do. The comment about needing a visual way to separate verbal dialogue from internal monologue is spot on. Simple italics on internal monologue will do.

Some of the nouns need clearing up too. For example, the person bringing your bags up to the room in a hotel is a bellhop, not a waiter. "Xia" is also more of a Chinese name than a Japanese one.

Most, if not all, of the men being mindless creeps is off-putting and annoying, but if you can keep kneeing them in the balls or punching them great distances, if not outright avoid them, then it's not a complete deal-breaker, at least for me. It does mess with immersion though, and can get tiring. I wouldn't risk a second male protagonist at this rate.

Finally, avoid conflicts and plot points that only seemingly occur because the characters are stupid. Not locking the bathroom door? Really? Saying that being intoxicated can get a guy off a rape charge? Or that this can stop a divorce in this day and age where no-fault divorce due to "irreconcilable differences" (aka "I'm not in love anymore") is the most common form of divorce? That lawyer is so dumb he should get disbarred. These are all dumb plot points, and that's just in the first half of the release.

I think i said it before and i'll say it again for the divorce part , you can't just go walk in court and say i don't love him anymore and use that as defence to get divorce , it doesn't work like that you might want to stop watching suits , reality is most fiancés also do it to get alimony benifit and this was a huge issue till 2016 when a judge in philly made an exception and hence john could've dragged the case , intoxicated invididuals have defense that they weren't in a sound mind state, the case was strong already so yes s o no this won't weaken the case only make it better , read this kindly before pointing out this stuff
-

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There are concepts such as burden of proof , dna test , so yeah mason was dumb to do that in shower yes but deleting evidence is needed , in my country sec 375 & 376 specifically state these things.

Sorry to sound rude but i think you are getting some stuff wrong.

Most, if not all, of the men being mindless creeps is off-putting and annoying, but if you can keep kneeing them in the balls - This already will happen , kiara can learn martial arts in chpt 2 & if you do it enough you will avoid most encounters , hell even without it there will be options to escape those situations but im sorry if you are expecting fem protag game without those creeps then i think disney might be better alternative , however you will have option to skip it.

Lastly dialogue is better in 2 & won't have short forms.

 

[Olivia_V]

I think i said it before and i'll say it again for the divorce part , you can't just go walk in court and say i don't love him anymore and use that as defence to get divorce , it doesn't work like that you might want to stop watching suits , reality is most fiancés also do it to get alimony benifit and this was a huge issue till 2016 when a judge in philly made an exception and hence john could've dragged the case , intoxicated invididuals have defense that they weren't in a sound mind state, the case was strong already so yes s o no this won't weaken the case only make it better , read this kindly before pointing out this stuff

Read your own document. Nobody roofied or spiked your character.

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And finally, all Mia has to do is move out for a few months to obtain a no-fault divorce.

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.

 

[Shikharisfree]

I find it so strange that everytime someone want's les path they get facepalmed we are all into different shit i won't shame you're Fat furry foot fuck kink don't shame people not wanting dicks.

lol idk what to say here

 

[Shikharisfree]

" So come along and join Kiara on her journey, and see how your decisions will shape her path in life and determine her fate. Will she succumb to corruption, or will she rise to greatness? The choice is yours. "

You ask that question on F95?

Corruption? Yes, please. BwahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!

The real question is.... How quickly can I corrupt the poor girl?

Chapter 2 is your answer , also trust me i know its a silly question but read some other comments lol people are worried there's harassment in a groping game i mean... idk what to say.

 

[Shikharisfree]

It really depends on where the writer lives and where the characters are supposed to be from. I thought they wanted to say "don't act all high and mighty."

This is exactly what I keep trying to say. She isn't trying to have John go to prison but she wants to show that staying married is not a good situation for her family so the burden of evidence is not as high as a criminal trail.
Mason is sabotaging the best evidence against John by saying the recording should be destroyed and by getting into the shower uninvited(creep move) so now John can now say Mia has been having an affair.
This makes Mia's unfair situation even worse when John has already shown that he will buy the officials if he can. In New York Mia can say that John was drunk and tried to rape Kiara the tapes and testimony would back her up.
It really feels that the whole "delete the tape" stuff is only there to prop up John's plan to blackmail Veronica so he can rape her. This is idiotic because the recording helps Mia and paints John as the bad guy since it shows that he was drunk that night and strengthens the attempted rape claim. Being drunk isn't an excuse for a crime according to the laws in the US.

I will repeat being drunk does not excuse a crime in New York where the divorce is taking place.

Well firstly you hit the nail there , that is in script , secondly ah guys mia's case was strong already i implore you to wait till the trial happens before saying this might or this can , also .. what? okay let me clear this here since everyone seems to be confused

It's voluntary and i get what you mean and sure NY court might not help here but remember john can just file a case in another higher state court or challenge it somewhere where it will accept that matter , thats why getting rid of the evidence is neccessary and i know you're worried about veronica in this instance but don't be , there will be a choice to make it go not that route.


Look at this here - >

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Intoxication as a Defense
The intoxication defense has a checkered history and its success now depends largely on where the defendant is being tried. Some states outright prohibit defendants from raising intoxication as a defense to certain crimes. In those that will consider it, courts are a bit more receptive to the defense than in the past.



It is not automatically considered rape if a sober person has sex with a drunk person; that's a popular misunderstanding of the law. What US law actually says is that if you are accused of rape, and the person making the accusation was intoxicated, you may not use consent as an affirmative defense in a court of law.

That is not the same as “drunk sex is rape.”

If two drunk people have sex and one accuses the other of rape, then the accused may not use consent as an affirmative defense in court.

Rape and harassment are different words hell even f95 considers them different in tags

So no kiara's situation isn't in claim here , the drunk state amounts to unstable mind and unsoundness of mind , i think you might want to google what those terms are and how they affect legality of the matter not just in rape cases but even Murder , how would him being in a bar help a case where she's filing for divorce?

The case is strong enough because " spoilers from here " - John had multiple filings on him before , john has mentally harassed mia for long time , john attempted to do stuff against evelyn and kiara both


So yes john now has is just two things one is him saying he was drunk which would then excuse it but now it can't , secondly john has now the adultry charges against mia that does play a role that you'll see but it still doesn't mean john gets a clean chit , the trial doesn't end here.

 

[Shikharisfree]

Read your own document. Nobody roofied or spiked your character.

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Furthermore...

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And finally, all Mia has to do is move out for a few months to obtain a no-fault divorce.

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.

Um no mia if she moves out without suing would amount to desertion actually , on that note there has to be mutual consent from both parties as well , unless there is absolute proof of mental harassment and physical abuse the spouse doesn't do that and yes exactly what i mean dude lol, without the fact that he was at the bar indeed john has no intoxication argument at all so that weakens his case not makes it better.

Mia already has enough stuff on him , with evelyn being on her side as well and john's previous lawsuits showing pattern of behavior , US doesnt run on one law you know that right? there's different states and different laws , lastly like i said mason did stupid shit and he will suffer for it as well, and don't get me wrong but court proceedings are much different than by book .

if all was by the book then we wouldn't have pending cases in the first place.

Proving in court that john wasn't spiked or wasn't actually drunk and knew what he was doing is not easy for the court , if you give the clip/footage of john being in the bar it would just weaken the argument since john can claim he doesn't know what happened as he was toxicated when he was at home and this all took place , verbal testimony doesn't count as evidence.


If you really want to get in nitty gritty of law sure , there's a case for mia and its why the trial doesn't end in chapter 2 but for the overall scope , Mental capacity , burden of proof relies on party that's suing

And as terrible as it may sound but intoxicated state / unsoundness of mind can even excuse murder which is in law a more heinous crime than rape.

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Just becuse ny doesn't consider it a defence doesn't mean it won't be presented as a argument in court, they want the case to be over that's about it .
The defense still can provide with clinical evidence he/she wasn't aware of what they were doing and that can drag the case longer.

As for mason getting his license barrred... well you will see

Anyway look i appreciate the critcism but you need to remember one more thing , If we go by law and book by book in this vn , it'll not be a porn game there needs to be drama , sure Saul good man could've absolved himself of all things walter white did , but guess what he couldn't why? cuz the writer's script made him go that path eventually , so yeah this is not a legal show or document , i'm going as close as i can but you need to remember its a porn visual novel in the end

However if you're still worried as to result most of stuff is optional and look mia will get justice eventually , that's all i can say and if you want a happy ending that exists too so dw too much , hold on abit.

 

[Shikharisfree]

Alright now that the thread has calmed out a little bit , Here's a road map for chapter 2 (idk why im calling it that because everything will be done at once rather than patches) -

- Dialogues to be done differently ( Idk/fr/ffs short forms to be not used anymore , Thought dialogues or thinking dialogues will either be italic or in () brackets , and simple dialogues will be in plain text format and lastly some grammar checks before final script. ( beta build tester can apply on discord if interested)

- Less switch between characters and format to be changed to Kiara/ mc 's entire day then the ny segments

- Give options to skip male protag scenes , or harassment scenes.

- Corruption system to be introduced in chapter 2 or midway so people have an idea of how they want kiara to be ultimately.

- Much more focus on kiara in chapter 2.

I hope that is clear , see you all in chapter 2 , i won't be able to respond here from now since i'll be working on it so please join discord or add me there to ask anything else , see ya and regardless of the few arguments i do appreciate you guys playing the entire thing.

Thank you ~

 

[Shikharisfree]

Alright one last thing due to some people's concerns , with special thanks to SaintBlackmoor , grammar and punctions and some other stuff has been corrected , please download the patch and replace it.

 

[Saint Blackmoor]

The writing needs a lot of work. The English isn't quite as bad as you would think from some of the comments here (though the lack of correct capitalization and punctuation can give that impression), but it does need cleaning up by a more experienced speaker. Some of the idioms are off, for example. Early on, one character says, "don't act hail mary," when the proper figure of speech would be, "don't act like you're the Virgin Mary." Things like that. Also, don't use text shortcuts like "idk" in supposedly verbal dialogue. Refrain from awkward language switching too. "Oh, my kami" is such an awkward, cringey expression, especially when "Oh my..." will do. The comment about needing a visual way to separate verbal dialogue from internal monologue is spot on. Simple italics on internal monologue will do.

Those are good points. I did a clean up of the script. I'm learning renpy, so this gives me real world experience.
And I thank Shikharisfree for accepting my work.

I wasn't sure what to do with the comma and periods floating out there in space. I thought maybe Shikharsfree was going for some kind of style or emphasis in the dialogue.
The first half of the script was corrected, and then I left the commas as is for the second half. I was sleep deprived by then. I'll go back and fix that.
( Hm ? what do you mean , you were in a kimono , don't you have the bodysuit beneath it? " )

The placement of (?) is not really constant. And many were missing.

I don't want anyone to think this is not a good game. It's very good in the genre of a good story with action and lewd scenes over an action packed sex romp. And fixing dialogue issues makes it better.

 

[ninhoxp]

Oh goodie, a Japanese themed game that doesn't involve gang rape bukkake!

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[Romazeo]

Japan, really? I thought there are no outdoor content for DAZ and very few indoor with really japanese locations.

 

[Shikharisfree]

Japan, really? I thought there are no outdoor content for DAZ and very few indoor with really japanese locations.

I have some custom artist to make some assets plus unreal engine has tons and you can convert them into obj that is suppoted on DAZ

 

[Romazeo]

I have some custom artist to make some assets plus unreal engine has tons and you can convert them into obj that is suppoted on DAZ

Hope so. Because screenshots show really nothing about it

 

[Shikharisfree]

Hope so. Because screenshots show really nothing about it

The game / chapter 1 even has alot of japanese stuff but they are crucial story details so i didn't show them in the previews please do play it!