VN Ren'Py Our Red String [Ch.14.1.4 Beta] [Eva Kiss]

[Gato21]

The beginning of GGGB: "Hello. I am the main character you will be playing. This is my life. I will now rattle on through exposition yadayadayadayadayada." Very natural. Writing and art a step up in ORS for sure. I think slower release speed and less extreme sex & ramp-ups in ORS are the main gripes with most people.

That and the rewrite, but I suppose you could fold that into slower release speed. Personally, I like the more "realistic" writing and inter-character dynamics of ORS. It's quite an ambitious game with two MC's, multiple branching, artwork, etc. One would think people would also take that into account when they criticize her.

The Story is average, if not below average. The characters are hit and miss in terms of their depths, with inconsistancy and hypocritical neuances with certain fetish characters like Jeremy, who adds nothing to the story other than being a Small Black Cock kink. (Because Eva SO VERY MUCH LOVES THAT SORT OF THING.)

Unasked for reworks that don't add or change much, constant negliect of content for Ivy, who just NOW, ten chapters in and 3 laughable reworks of a bar scene later, is just now getting some Ian face time, not to mention a 'update' that did nothing for one character in particular and kept him the same.

In short: Eva bit off more than she could chew and overall story and characters have suffered for it when she pushs herself to meet deadlines, rather than take her time and work it all out at a slowly, leisurely pace.

Ok SerHawkes, I get that you are miffed about Ivy; I am kind of too, but to say the story is average to below average, really? Especially with all the unmitigated crap shovelware on this site?

 

[SerHawkes]

Especially with all the unmitigated crap shovelware on this site?

Lets see: A set of antagonists that aren't all that thrilling and bland. You have Seymour, who wants to control Lena and make her a sex slave. How is that interesting? You have Axel, who is also obsessed with Lena and can't take a fucking hint and is apparently involved every fucking where. Do we really need Axel to be at a gay bar next? Jeremy is just a BBC kink and has no depth to him at all whatsoeer. Stan is... Stan. And yet the revolving drama each chapter is: Will Lena be able to afford anything while slutting it up or not? Will Ian not get cucked and become the writer he wants to be? Will Stan die in a fiery crash and be replaced?

And sure, I'm bitter and jaded as fuck about Ivy-Ian, yet the writer in me screams 'Eva could do better'. Less kink/fetish crap, more character building. Make Jeremy a decent guy instead of being the Tyrone-lite and wanna be player. Add some depth and delve into characters and their relationships such as Jeremy and Louise and have Lena try to mediate that rathr than gloss over it and reward Jeremy over and over again without little to no punishment. Not to mention Lena more or less being able to fuck around while still being into Ian and have no punishment to speak of but if Ian does it's grounds for murder. Expand on Perry's or Emma's or Cherry's or whoevers passions and interests.

So for me, yeah the story is below average and isn't interesting and lack creative 'villains'.

 

[Gato21]

Lets see: A set of antagonists that aren't all that thrilling and bland. You have Seymour, who wants to control Lena and make her a sex slave. How is that interesting? You have Axel, who is also obsessed with Lena and can't take a fucking hint and is apparently involved every fucking where. Do we really need Axel to be at a gay bar next? Jeremy is just a BBC kink and has no depth to him at all whatsoeer. Stan is... Stan. And yet the revolving drama each chapter is: Will Lena be able to afford anything while slutting it up or not? Will Ian not get cucked and become the writer he wants to be? Will Stan die in a fiery crash and be replaced?

And sure, I'm bitter and jaded as fuck about Ivy-Ian, yet the writer in me screams 'Eva could do better'. Less kink/fetish crap, more character building. Make Jeremy a decent guy instead of being the Tyrone-lite and wanna be player. Add some depth and delve into characters and their relationships such as Jeremy and Louise and have Lena try to mediate that rathr than gloss over it and reward Jeremy over and over again without little to no punishment. Not to mention Lena more or less being able to fuck around while still being into Ian and have no punishment to speak of but if Ian does it's grounds for murder. Expand on Perry's or Emma's or Cherry's or whoevers passions and interests.

So for me, yeah the story is below average and isn't interesting and lack creative 'villains'.

Ok, let's assume you are right, although I would still contend you on multiple points, you are still holding Eva at a higher standard than most writers on this site. Her not meeting this standard doesn't make her game average or below, it's still better writing than the majority of the games on this site, making it de-facto above average.

 

[SerHawkes]

Ok, let's assume you are right, although I would still contend you on multiple points, you are still holding Eva at a higher standard than most writers on this site. Her not meeting this standard doesn't make her game average or below, it's still better writing than the majority of the games on this site, making it de-facto above average.

Entirely debateable, given the flood of shit/fetish games and no writing talent, sure.

 

[dontcarewhateverno]

That and the rewrite, but I suppose you could fold that into slower release speed. Personally, I like the more "realistic" writing and inter-character dynamics of ORS. It's quite an ambitious game with two MC's, multiple branching, artwork, etc. One would think people would also take that into account when they criticize her.


Ok SerHawkes, I get that you are miffed about Ivy; I am kind of too, but to say the story is average to below average, really? Especially with all the unmitigated crap shovelware on this site?

Agreed. Eva's no poet and no award-winning writer by a long shot. But we're talking games here. Not just games. Porn games. My butt poops out better dialogue and more stimulating narrative than 95% of games on this site. Eva's writing: Good enough, considering the competition. (TBF, my butt has won a Poohlitzer).

 

[Gato21]

Entirely debateable, given the flood of shit/fetish games and no writing talent, sure.

So, if we won't agree on the finer points, will you at least concede that ORS technically has above average writing? Further, when the time comes that Eva graces us with Ian's dick in Ivy, and the characters are more fleshed out, I wouldn't keep seeing you get in a tizzy about Ivy? I just think there are more valid things you could criticize her for.

 

[SerHawkes]

So, if we won't agree on the finer points, will you at least concede that ORS technically has above average writing? Further, when the time comes that Eva graces us with Ian's dick in Ivy, and the characters are more fleshed out, I wouldn't keep seeing you get in a tizzy about Ivy?

If and when, we shall see. For now, truce.

But I wouldn't get my hopes up, given the current track record of shaftings in regards to Ivy.

 

[Shadowndev99]

can RPGM games be played with a controller? I'm not really a fan of playing with keyboard and i once asked on an rpgm thread (alansya chronicles), but didn't get an answer

you can use some software where make control buttons as you type on keyboard

 

[ScholarOfTheFirstSin]

The Story is average, if not below average. The characters are hit and miss in terms of their depths, with inconsistancy and hypocritical neuances with certain fetish characters like Jeremy, who adds nothing to the story other than being a Small Black Cock kink. (Because Eva SO VERY MUCH LOVES THAT SORT OF THING.)

Unasked for reworks that don't add or change much, constant negliect of content for Ivy, who just NOW, ten chapters in and 3 laughable reworks of a bar scene later, is just now getting some Ian face time, not to mention a 'update' that did nothing for one character in particular and kept him the same.

In short: Eva bit off more than she could chew and overall story and characters have suffered for it when she pushs herself to meet deadlines, rather than take her time and work it all out at a slowly, leisurely pace.

Stopped reading at "The story is average"

 

[SerHawkes]

Stopped reading at "The story is average"

The fact that you had to quote me says others wise. Have a lovely day.

 

[manscout]

Lets see: A set of antagonists that aren't all that thrilling and bland. You have Seymour, who wants to control Lena and make her a sex slave. How is that interesting? You have Axel, who is also obsessed with Lena and can't take a fucking hint and is apparently involved every fucking where. Do we really need Axel to be at a gay bar next? Jeremy is just a BBC kink and has no depth to him at all whatsoeer. Stan is... Stan. And yet the revolving drama each chapter is: Will Lena be able to afford anything while slutting it up or not? Will Ian not get cucked and become the writer he wants to be? Will Stan die in a fiery crash and be replaced?

And sure, I'm bitter and jaded as fuck about Ivy-Ian, yet the writer in me screams 'Eva could do better'. Less kink/fetish crap, more character building. Make Jeremy a decent guy instead of being the Tyrone-lite and wanna be player. Add some depth and delve into characters and their relationships such as Jeremy and Louise and have Lena try to mediate that rathr than gloss over it and reward Jeremy over and over again without little to no punishment. Not to mention Lena more or less being able to fuck around while still being into Ian and have no punishment to speak of but if Ian does it's grounds for murder. Expand on Perry's or Emma's or Cherry's or whoevers passions and interests.

So for me, yeah the story is below average and isn't interesting and lack creative 'villains'.

I agree Eva's games fall into the trap of following a strict "release cycle" development plan that often loses track of what would work best in terms of a full-fledged product. But that's pretty much the only thing I agree with, everything else reads like an extremely shallow read of most characters and mismatched expectations of what you think the story should be and what it is actually trying to be.

Also I'm just confused why you are compaining about the game's story under the argument that "Eva can do better", she made ORS, which you are currently ranking as "below average writing" in a porn game forum, and GGGB which, in relative terms, is much more riddled with stereotypes and characters that are bland representations of generic fetishes. It just sounds way more that your taste doesn't mesh well with Eva's writing than it "failing to live up to its potential".

Ultimately Eva's games are kinda like a season of a 90's sitcom you kinda liked, the characters are there to fulfill very clearly defined roles while still having some charm of their own and the story is pretty much slice of life. It is a comfortable and fun thing that works well as long as you're not looking to be challenged by it.

 

[Nifferman]

Damn y r these new literary critics doin in a "porn site"

 

[uncommonsence]

yet the writer in me screams 'Eva could do better'

Why should she, though?

 

[Barretto24]

Damn y r these new literary critics doin in a "porn site"

*On not in

 

[jaylop09]

But I want Seymour to be an evil mastermind trying to test and corrupt much younger girl. Axel to be a toxic, aggressive and dominant bf/ex. I want Jeremy to be a walking BBC fetish. Stan to be a creepy loser perv...

I'm not even judging those who want more from this game. But come on, it's fucking porn after all. It just has a few extra steps of context and imagination

 

[JohnnyKiss]

But I want Seymour to be an evil mastermind trying to test and corrupt much younger girl. Axel to be a toxic, aggressive and dominant bf/ex. I want Jeremy to be a walking BBC fetish. Stan to be a creepy loser perv...

I'm not even judging those who want more from this game. But come on, it's fucking porn after all. It just has a few extra steps of context and imagination

SerHawkes has some weird obsession/hate for Jeremy, it's not even funny to see it anymore.

Anyway, I don't think the characters are the issue; some people, like you pointed out, want to see Jeremy be the BBC fetish and Axel being the dominant male. It's what the game is about. If you don't want for Jeremy to be the guy who fucks your girlfriends then just don't play the game that way.

It's a multip-choice, multi-path game; literally the whole point of the game is the freedom of choices.

 

[MixQQ]

both Ian and Lena are pretty boring characters, i would like as a main to be Mike (his job as a DJ looks rly cool) and of course Ivy, she is better version of Lena

 

[Solomon Grundy]

SerHawkes has some weird obsession/hate for Jeremy, it's not even funny to see it anymore.

And an equally weird obsession with Ivy. Who, by the way, is every bit as one-note as Jeremy, but apparently that's okay in her case because she's his type or something. I don't know, man.

 

[Samsul Hidayat]

SerHawkes has some weird obsession/hate for Jeremy, it's not even funny to see it anymore.

Anyway, I don't think the characters are the issue; some people, like you pointed out, want to see Jeremy be the BBC fetish and Axel being the dominant male. It's what the game is about. If you don't want for Jeremy to be the guy who fucks your girlfriends then just don't play the game that way.

It's a multip-choice, multi-path game; literally the whole point of the game is the freedom of choices.

One genuine criticism I have for ORS and GGGB is that the dialogues can be pretty stiff and bland at times. There are moments when I play them and keep thinking "EK could've paraphrase this," "Character X wouldn't talk like that," "Word X would've fitted this situation better than Word F," etc.

I thought EK hiring a better wordsmith and rewriting tons of dialogues caused the long delay, and I couldn't be more wrong.

 

[Oliver Wendell Homely]

Lets see: A set of antagonists that aren't all that thrilling and bland. You have Seymour, who wants to control Lena and make her a sex slave. How is that interesting? You have Axel, who is also obsessed with Lena and can't take a fucking hint and is apparently involved every fucking where. Do we really need Axel to be at a gay bar next? Jeremy is just a BBC kink and has no depth to him at all whatsoeer. Stan is... Stan. And yet the revolving drama each chapter is: Will Lena be able to afford anything while slutting it up or not? Will Ian not get cucked and become the writer he wants to be? Will Stan die in a fiery crash and be replaced?

And sure, I'm bitter and jaded as fuck about Ivy-Ian, yet the writer in me screams 'Eva could do better'. Less kink/fetish crap, more character building. Make Jeremy a decent guy instead of being the Tyrone-lite and wanna be player. Add some depth and delve into characters and their relationships such as Jeremy and Louise and have Lena try to mediate that rathr than gloss over it and reward Jeremy over and over again without little to no punishment.

I like my porn to be on the high-brow side, too, dude, but it's too early to make the judgements you're making. I imagine if your in-game choices put Ian and Lena together on a "pure love" path and then have Lena fuck Jeremy and others, there will be "punishment," or what I prefer to call consequences. Same for Ian and Cindy, etc. But if those consequences come too early in the story, their effects are weakened.

Re the characters, they all are slightly stereotypical, but I don't find any of it unrealistic. Jeremy is a young guy with a big dick. Even if he was a really good guy, it's really hard to turn down super hot pussy when it throws itself at you. I mean, really hard. Axel, meanwhile, is a narcissist and playboy. Part of him genuinely loves Lena, but he's addicted to the game and he clearly has a dom fetish. His behavior is classic abuser. Stan comes off as a bit incel in the latest update, but his frustration is understandable. He's a decent, but very socially awkward, guy living with two hotties, one of whom treats him like shit and the other walks around half naked, lets him photograph her doing kinky shit, and maybe even invites him to jack off on her. If then she later acts like she's not interested in him romantically, he is colossally confused, because in his naive way, he sees sexual attraction and love as inseparable.