Good thing about the proofreader, that was really needed.
As far as criticism about the characters' decisions/behaviour goes...
In the end, this is your story, tell it as you like, however in general no one is above making errors, sometimes criticism, even if you don't like it, might be valid, sometimes something you thought might work doesn't really.
You yourself point out it is your first writing project, don't be above accepting criticism, because people rarely start their first project already being perfect.
There's a bunch of people here who for some reason think anything a dev does is beyond criticism, and you shouldn't even be allowed to voice a critical opinion. Well, they couldn't be more wrong.
Professional writers have editors, friends and colleagues who look over their work and suggest changes or point out where it doesn't work for them, they give out copies to people known for writing reviews to get their opinion etc.. Often they have people in charge of a universe or the overall direction of the story, showrunners etc.., who tell them what works and what doesn't. So all these people earning their living with their writing for decades, accept criticism and accept suggestions, but some guy who sets out to do a porn visual novel shouldn't? That's like the weirdest and stupidest approach ever.
If you read up on the topic(which I do, because I find the creative process fascinating), you will find that novelists often change characters, significant plot points, story twists etc.. after they receive criticism from those who read the original drafts.
The thing is, there are literally dozens of games here with similar beginnings, all these incest games with the magic dick MC who for god knows what reason has the mystic ability to make every woman hunger for his cock.
That makes it already really hard for your game to come out swinging, because the basic premise has been used so often.
And though you could call what happens character development, for now I really have to question, if one would call it good character development.
That doesn't mean your story can't work out in an interesting way, doesn't mean your characters can't become great or original, but otoh hand any professional storyteller/game designer will tell you, that you need to put your best at the start, you have got to hook your audience in the beginning, because most people decide whether a game or a story is for them in the first few minutes playing. And for me, having played hundreds of visual and kinetic novels, most found here on this site, I found myself frustrated about how much of this seemed like something I had already seen elsewhere.
As I pointed out in my previous post/review, it isn't that I have a problem with you or wish you anything but the best, but what is gained from buttering up to you and not pointing out what doesn't work for me so far?
I will definitely give your game another chance a few updates in, the original intro and the attractive models deserve at least that.
And I'll be the first to go praising your writing and story, if the game goes in a good direction, including changing my review.
