HTML Abandoned Realms of Lust [v0.71] [Rmaximus]

[Rmaximus]

np man, the world needs more quality mind control porn games so we must share when we find something good.

You definitely need a proof reader, there are a shit ton of spelling and grammar mistakes so far. I'll try to make a list later when its not so late and Im not half asleep

Will do my best to fix that, like i said english is not my first language, but are the mistakes worse at the beggining of the game?

 

[Rmaximus]

Real porn tag? Don't know what exact criteria that needs, though.

I think it fits this game, will be adding it. Thanks.

 

[Tyrranus]

Will do my best to fix that, like i said english is not my first language, but are the mistakes worse at the beggining of the game?

No worries, its was mostly really little things, I have seen way worse in games asking people for money. Most of it was little typos or odd quirks of english that work a bit differently from other languages. Seemed to be fairly evenly spread throughout the game, no real big clumps of typos.

 

[King Monkey Mon]

View attachment 91287

Overview
Hello guys, this is my first game developed on twine 2, the story follows a guy who makes a pact with a lust goddess to change his boring life and as a consequence the world around him.

This game took me some time to make because i'm learning everithing as I go. That includes twine, story telling and most important english storytelling as I'm not a native speaker so expect misspelling(I'd be surprised if thre was none in this descrition as well), I intend to make this game much better as time goes on.This includes not only new content but old content as well, rewriting the first days is in my plans for the near future when I can improve on it. The game looks are also on my plans to change but I need to study some more css...I look foward for what you guys think of it.
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Developer/Publisher:

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Censorship: No
Version: 0.1a
OS: Win/Mac/linux
Language: English
Genre:

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Installation:

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Change-Log:

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Download:

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i think thats rias in your profile picture XD

 

[Neuvell]

Is there a way to change the colour of the writing? I can't really see the MC's comments

 

[Lednacek]

Is there a way to change the colour of the writing? I can't really see the MC's comments

i was about to write it too. the choice of MC speech color is very unlucky

 

[kullun]

Hey mate, you can use Grammarly for spotting some easy mistakes for free. (Advanced grammatical errors needs a subscription)

 

[Ulaered]

Very nice game. Good amount of content.
Wouldn't mind changing the MC's font color though.
I tried looking into changing it through CSS in the browser directly. No luck.

Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the update. :eazyHype:

 

[Rmaximus]

i think thats rias in your profile picture XD

Yes its her. Is that Akeno in yours?

 

[King Monkey Mon]

Yes its her. Is that Akeno in yours?

no its Teri Rogers

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[Rmaximus]

i was about to write it too. the choice of MC speech color is very unlucky

I will change it, should be done later today, but I should probably change this color system for something else as I add more characters.Its kind of a pain to change every individual RGB code in front of every line(I think there is a way to change all of them at once, but i will have to learn it )

 

[Rmaximus]

Very nice game. Good amount of content.
Wouldn't mind changing the MC's font color though.
I tried looking into changing it through CSS in the browser directly. No luck.

Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the update. :eazyHype:

I didn't use css in the game to color the speach of the characters, maybe thats why you cant change it, I'm going to change the MC's color. A complete 0.2 should take some time because I can only really work on it 3 days of a week.

 

[Rmaximus]

Hey mate, you can use Grammarly for spotting some easy mistakes for free. (Advanced grammatical errors needs a subscription)

Thanks, I will give it a try.

 

[travi1155]

Please continue with this game. I love the pornstars you used for it.

 

[Sanito]

Several notes: I like the basic premise here, but the writing is... really bad. Almost boner-killingly so. In addition to just the bad grammar and text colors, it's just not that well written. It's sorta like Corruption, where I get what the writer is going for, but spending a couple bucks to have someone whose a native English speaker re-write the lines would go a long way.

To fix the font issues: I'd suggest you do things in dialogue boxes with the speaking characters portrait in them. Look at The Company for an example here. Obviously, this is only the prototype state, but I also feel like the corruption of hte world should happen a bit more gradually, and should happen through your influence, rather than just "okay, made a deal with a lust goddess and now everything is orgies." I mean could she have made this deal with anyone? Why did she wait?

 

[The Random Technophile]

Wait... A TF game where you aren't forcibly turned into a girl and it's the people around you who change? Hell yea!

 

[Rmaximus]

Several notes: I like the basic premise here, but the writing is... really bad. Almost boner-killingly so. In addition to just the bad grammar and text colors, it's just not that well written. It's sorta like Corruption, where I get what the writer is going for, but spending a couple bucks to have someone whose a native English speaker re-write the lines would go a long way.

To fix the font issues: I'd suggest you do things in dialogue boxes with the speaking characters portrait in them. Look at The Company for an example here. Obviously, this is only the prototype state, but I also feel like the corruption of hte world should happen a bit more gradually, and should happen through your influence, rather than just "okay, made a deal with a lust goddess and now everything is orgies." I mean could she have made this deal with anyone? Why did she wait?

I know, even I can tell I have a long way to go on the writing, dont know about hire someone else to re-write then howerver, I will try to improve on my skill the next update will hopefully fix the bad grammar , and I will re-write the worse passages of the game.
About the text color, its a place holder for a potrait system exactly like the one in The Company(One of my favorite games together with A spell for all), I just started working on 0.2 and i'm already running out of colors to use. But I need to learn more of CSS to do this, also want to use the pics of locations on the background instead of the top of the passage.
I also intend to make Nina's motiations more interesting, right now i'm tinking of tying it to the death of the MC's parents, but could change my mind.
About handing the player more control over the corruption I might do It but probably much latter in development, right now I will try to improve on the foundations I have and add more locations an characters.
Thanks for your feedback, its important to hear some criticism to know where I should Improve.

 

[pepal]

I got a little feedback too, I would apprechiate if you would make the images all the same size, or at least reduce the once which wont fit on a 1080p screen without scrolling.

otherwise keep going I like it so far, don't make it grindy but give enough options to have fun

 

[Rmaximus]

I got a little feedback too, I would apprechiate if you would make the images all the same size, or at least reduce the once which wont fit on a 1080p screen without scrolling.

otherwise keep going I like it so far, don't make it grindy but give enough options to have fun

Agreed, some of them are too big, will be resizing them on the next update.

 

[Slone]

Great game, but i think the story lacks a lot of involvement from the player part. The fact that the world changes itself and we have nothing to do with it, makes the whole situation less arousing in my opinion. But other than that i thought it had pretty great content for a 0.1 version.