VN Ren'Py Abandoned Redshift [v0.01] [Sleepyten]

[Ghost'']

Redshift [v0.01] Unofficial Android Port

Spoiler: Android Port Features

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My Android Ports have a 2nd Persistent save location. So, even if you uninstall the game, the saves will remain Intact.

Saves location: Storage/0011/Game-name


You can also join my discord server for more and support me.

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If you like my works please support me.

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[durgadas]

I just came here to say I hate the Main Character with a passion.

 

[HogRocket]

I just came here to say I hate the Main Character with a passion.

it seems like that is becoming a very common thing

 

[Deleted member 2030943]

I just came here to say I hate the Main Character with a passion.

He kind of reminds me of the MC in Single Again.

 

[Jacowboy]

Yup this is totally a rip off of the "Passengers" movie, but you know what? It's a good idea for an AVN, so I'm gonna give it a pass... it's also well written... but damn it needs A LOT more work in the renders dptm.

First of all, fuck POV games, I don't get why anyone is still doing that at this point... it's annoying and makes for very boring shot compositions.

Secondly, yeah the posing and shot compositions are not great... also, lots of instances of one static image for a ton of text, makes it feel boring, needs more dynamism.

Still, the game has an interesting premise (if not original) and has potential in the writing dptm, so it's worth keeping an eye out... let's hope the visual quality improves.

Oh lastly, but most importantly: Please for the love of jeebus... change that font!!! it's REALLY hard (and straining) to read =/

 

[Raziel_8]

Yup this is totally a rip off of the "Passengers" movie, but you know what? It's a good idea for an AVN, so I'm gonna give it a pass... it's also well written... but damn it needs A LOT more work in the renders dptm.

Yes the start is.
But here the premise is, that they are very likely the last remnants of what is left of humanity, in a complete foreign galaxy and their ''mission'' is to find a new habitable world.

Has a lot more promisse than just saving the ship in time. Well i'm curious how the story unfolds.

 

[sleepyten]

Hey, this is my game. Cool. I just found this thread so I guess I'll take a second to respond to a few things I see.

Couldn't come up with an easier one? How do you even pronounce this?

So originally I gave the ship a pretty cliche name like "Eden", but through deep-dive research (aka googling), I based it on the name of the spear from the Japanese creation myth, because it seemed to parallel some of the stuff I wanted to do in the story. It's a bit of a mouthful though, and the pronunciation guide in the codex probably doesn't help that much.

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This was obviously taken from "Passengers" and some other games and novels.

I was going to list some things that needed improvement like the font and the whole "resetting the AI" scene.....then it just got so I was fast forwarding too much to care.

I wish the dev well, and hope it all comes together - but this one is not for me. I may check it out 5-6 updates down the road to see what happens, but not now.

Funnily I've never actually watched "Passengers". A lot of the inspiration came from books like the "Infinite" series, the "Bobiverse" series, and other similar novels. I don't actually watch movies that much, but I'll add "Passengers" to the list since I really like the genre.

As for the Reset scene, I'll look back through it to see if I can find a way to make it more bearable.

Sorry the game's not in the state you'd want it to be at the moment, but thank you for checking it out.

Good start but the constant dialog with the AI got boring after a while and I ended up just skippimg through it.

Honestly I can't think of a better way to info-dump than interactions with the AI, but thank you for pointing that out. I'll try to work out a more entertaining way of getting info out there. I kinda limited myself since I feel that if you're thrown into the middle of a situation, you're not exactly going to be spending hours going through the "world-building" of the situation you find yourself in, and on the flip side of that, it's impossible for a reader to know the background stuff that ends up being important without it being said to them. As the game progresses, there will be less need for exposition or long scenes of the MC talking to an empty room, so hopefully this issue resolves itself a little.

Decent start with potential.

This VN (like 80% of VNs it seems) has a dumb and weak MC which I am not a fan of, but assuming that changes with time the game could be good.

Also, the MC being both dumb and weak is strange because...

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Nice start and a intersting premise.
But the MC really needs to improve. At the moment he just comes over as a complete dumbass, which is pointed out all the time.
A bit strange, as this guy aparently made the first human like ai, while he was like 15 and had a lacking foundation.
Just because he's highly specialized doesn't mean he should be completely clueless at literally everything else...
That he doesn't want to do anything to improve himself, doesn't make him more likeable.
Be it going to a gym or covering some basic knowledge like how the ship operates or why you can't just evade immediately in a ship with high mass...
I mean, he signed up for a mission which would take 36 years, without even knowing what the goal of said mission is or where they were going.

I just came here to say I hate the Main Character with a passion.

Well shit. I'll rework the MC a little bit lot. Can we all just agree to maybe chalk it up to

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In all honesty though, I had more fun writing the supporting characters so that's entirely a failing on my part. I'll level him up moving forward.

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Yup this is totally a rip off of the "Passengers" movie, but you know what? It's a good idea for an AVN, so I'm gonna give it a pass... it's also well written... but damn it needs A LOT more work in the renders dptm.

First of all, fuck POV games, I don't get why anyone is still doing that at this point... it's annoying and makes for very boring shot compositions.

Secondly, yeah the posing and shot compositions are not great... also, lots of instances of one static image for a ton of text, makes it feel boring, needs more dynamism.

Still, the game has an interesting premise (if not original) and has potential in the writing dptm, so it's worth keeping an eye out... let's hope the visual quality improves.

Oh lastly, but most importantly: Please for the love of jeebus... change that font!!! it's REALLY hard (and straining) to read =/

Font's changed for next release. I wanted to give it something "sci-fi" feeling, and guess I overdid it. My bad.

The POV came as a result of trying to have more of a self-insert feel into the game, but I also struggle with composing shots based around it. I'll try to add more dynamic compositions as well as figure out more viable camera angles.

I realized about halfway through the V0.01 content that image density wasn't nearly as high as I wanted (I was a bit slow since after the first readthrough I spent a lot of time fast-forwarding to check things like flag activations instead of image density), and have been increasing the amount of renders per scene as I move forward. As a minor update to this, the average image-per-scene for V0.02 has more than doubled V0.01, so while that adds to work-cycle time, it ends up being less static in terms of text-wall on image.

As for general render issues, I think I'm getting better the more I go.
As for general writing/story/tone issues, the tone will get more serious as the content gets a bit more serious. I don't have plans to make it super heavy, but as the story itself progresses the situation sort of demands a bit more seriousness.


Thanks for the feedback though. I'll take it into account as I move forward, since I'm currently working on v0.02.

 

[Jacowboy]

Thanks for the feedback though. I'll take it into account as I move forward, since I'm currently working on v0.02.

heh... it's funny you haven't seen that movie, you should though, it's not very good, but maybe it'll give you ideas of what NOT to do (or do better than in the movie) =P

For what it's worth, I enjoyed the story quite a bit, and the writing too... and yes, I didn't have an issue with the MC like many here, I thought he was fine, except for the aformentioned POV issue that really grates me to no end (but that's me, maybe not everyone agrees).

The majority of what could be improved, imo, is in the visuals dpt... the first chunk of the game was pretty good in that you had a lot of "transition" renders, like the MC walking to X or Y room... I enjoy those renders that "show instead of telling", specially in dialogue heavy games, so more of that for sure. And like I said, more dynimism in the dialogue scenes, meaning maybe show close ups and different angles/poses of the different characters having a conversation, that kind of thing. Oh and by the way, while I didn't like the "posing" and the "shot angles" of the models, I do like the backgrounds and the general design of things, so there's that.

I would really recommend dropping the POV thing, but again, that might be just me, though I think it'll make your life easier in the long run anyways. I think there's a nice solid base here that just needs polishing in certain aspects, but I do look forward to seeing how it evolves, the concept has a lot of potential and you've written it rather well so far.

 

[Raziel_8]

Well shit. I'll rework the MC a little bit lot.

In all honesty though, I had more fun writing the supporting characters so that's entirely a failing on my part. I'll level him up moving forward.

I think you could do much, with just changing a few parts a bit.
For example the discussion about the 'windows' or the evading:
Like the MC coming over as a awe struck moron which is surprised that the spaceship has no windows, how about him asking what the monitor is currently showing or if it can be changed for other displays and the ai giving him more infos.

Or asking if the ship can even evade in time, them flying with .3 light speed and than the AI or crewmates can still give more informations, none is expecting the MC to be able to fly the ship when he has never done that before. But the MC won't come over as a moron.

An other point would be the MC being very relucant to wake more people, understandable.
Although there was a point where i wanted to smack him, as he rather would let them all die in cryo than searching for a habitable world...
But shouldn't he than at least be willing to learn the basic functions of the ship and how to fix or operate it, so he doesn't need to wake someone ?
I mean it was even stated that the ship has a lot of training and education programms...him going nah, rather playing porn on the holodeck is a bit jarring...i mean, he is the one person which has really nothing to do 24/7, yet his priority is converting games to the holodeck, because he already watched all the good stuff...

 

[HogRocket]

Hey, this is my game. Cool. I just found this thread so I guess I'll take a second to a few things I see.




So originally I gave the ship a pretty cliche name like "Eden", but through deep-dive research (aka googling), I based it on the name of the spear from the Japanese creation myth, because it seemed to parallel some of the stuff I wanted to do in the story. It's a bit of a mouthful though, and the pronunciation guide in the codex probably doesn't help that much.

Spoiler

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Funnily I've never actually watched "Passengers". A lot of the inspiration came from books like the "Infinite" series, the "Bobiverse" series, and other similar novels. I don't actually watch movies that much, but I'll add "Passengers" to the list since I really like the genre.

As for the Reset scene, I'll look back through it to see if I can find a way to make it more bearable.

Sorry the game's not in the state you'd want it to be at the moment, but thank you for checking it out.



Honestly I can't think of a better way to info-dump than interactions with the AI, but thank you for pointing that out. I'll try to work out a more entertaining way of getting info out there. I kinda limited myself since I feel that if you're thrown into the middle of a situation, you're not exactly going to be spending hours going through the "world-building" of the situation you find yourself in, and on the flip side of that, it's impossible for a reader to know the background stuff that ends up being important without it being said to them. As the game progresses, there will be less need for exposition or long scenes of the MC talking to an empty room, so hopefully this issue resolves itself a little.





Well shit. I'll rework the MC a little bit lot. Can we all just agree to maybe chalk it up to

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In all honesty though, I had more fun writing the supporting characters so that's entirely a failing on my part. I'll level him up moving forward.

Spoiler

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Font's changed for next release. I wanted to give it something "sci-fi" feeling, and guess I overdid it. My bad.

The POV came as a result of trying to have more of a self-insert feel into the game, but I also struggle with composing shots based around it. I'll try to add more dynamic compositions as well as figure out more viable camera angles.

I realized about halfway through the V0.01 content that image density wasn't nearly as high as I wanted (I was a bit slow since after the first readthrough I spent a lot of time fast-forwarding to check things like flag activations instead of image density), and have been increasing the amount of renders per scene as I move forward. As a minor update to this, the average image-per-scene for V0.02 has more than doubled V0.01, so while that adds to work-cycle time, it ends up being less static in terms of text-wall on image.

As for general render issues, I think I'm getting better the more I go.
As for general writing/story/tone issues, the tone will get more serious as the content gets a bit more serious. I don't have plans to make it super heavy, but as the story itself progresses the situation sort of demands a bit more seriousness.


Thanks for the feedback though. I'll take it into account as I move forward, since I'm currently working on v0.02.

Don't bother with the movie. I never saw it but from what I heard from those who did it was pretty lame. It was evidently taken from several book sources that weren't credited. I even read one of them (before it came out) but can't remember the name of it. Or, watch it and don't do what they did

 

[sleepyten]

heh... it's funny you haven't seen that movie, you should though, it's not very good, but maybe it'll give you ideas of what NOT to do (or do better than in the movie) =P

For what it's worth, I enjoyed the story quite a bit, and the writing too... and yes, I didn't have an issue with the MC like many here, I thought he was fine, except for the aformentioned POV issue that really grates me to no end (but that's me, maybe not everyone agrees).

The majority of what could be improved, imo, is in the visuals dpt... the first chunk of the game was pretty good in that you had a lot of "transition" renders, like the MC walking to X or Y room... I enjoy those renders that "show instead of telling", specially in dialogue heavy games, so more of that for sure. And like I said, more dynimism in the dialogue scenes, meaning maybe show close ups and different angles/poses of the different characters having a conversation, that kind of thing. Oh and by the way, while I didn't like the "posing" and the "shot angles" of the models, I do like the backgrounds and the general design of things, so there's that.

I would really recommend dropping the POV thing, but again, that might be just me, though I think it'll make your life easier in the long run anyways. I think there's a nice solid base here that just needs polishing in certain aspects, but I do look forward to seeing how it evolves, the concept has a lot of potential and you've written it rather well so far.

Thanks for the feedback and the encouragement. ❤

I actually had more transition images but removed them since they started feeling like repetitive filler.

Images are my main bottleneck in the workflow, but speeding up the process also negatively impacts the quality, so I just have to work to find a good balance.

I think you could do much, with just changing a few parts a bit.
For example the discussion about the 'windows' or the evading:
Like the MC coming over as a awe struck moron which is surprised that the spaceship has no windows, how about him asking what the monitor is currently showing or if it can be changed for other displays and the ai giving him more infos.

Or asking if the ship can even evade in time, them flying with .3 light speed and than the AI or crewmates can still give more informations, none is expecting the MC to be able to fly the ship when he has never done that before. But the MC won't come over as a moron.

An other point would be the MC being very relucant to wake more people, understandable.
Although there was a point where i wanted to smack him, as he rather would let them all die in cryo than searching for a habitable world...
But shouldn't he than at least be willing to learn the basic functions of the ship and how to fix or operate it, so he doesn't need to wake someone ?
I mean it was even stated that the ship has a lot of training and education programms...him going nah, rather playing porn on the holodeck is a bit jarring...i mean, he is the one person which has really nothing to do 24/7, yet his priority is converting games to the holodeck, because he already watched all the good stuff...

So your specific points are kinda funny, because the window explanation started as an attempt to give an in-world explanation as to why there were rendered portions of wall missing, since I didn't like any of the "walls" I was using for certain scenes. The portion where he drops to suddenly go to VR/other activities was a result of trying to introduce a part of the game, since this was a sort-of demo version. I see what you mean by jarring though, and will rework/rewrite a few of the more obvious "tutorial" scenes.

A few people have mentioned the MCs unwillingness to learn/improve as an issue, so I've started to work on a way to address that in V0.02 and hopefully make him more bearable.

Don't bother with the movie. I never saw it but from what I heard from those who did it was pretty lame. It was evidently taken from several book sources that weren't credited. I even read one of them (before it came out) but can't remember the name of it. Or, watch it and don't do what they did

Maybe I'll just watch some trailers since those are usually the best parts anyways.

 

[desmosome]

It could come down to personal taste, but this style of humor didn't resonate with me at all. It feels pretty forced. I couldn't get past the scene where you are fixing the AI and trying to get admin access.

It's quite a subjective criticism, but maybe I could give my 2 cents. Comedy is all about the timing. Even in standup or comedy sitcoms, where the audience goes in fully expecting to laugh their ass off, you won't see a constant barrage of weak jokes. There are lulls and set ups followed by a punchline — generally something that comes out of left field.

For porn games, the default mindset of the audience isn't gonna be primed for comedy. You have to win them over. Doubly so if the subject matter (sci-fi in this case) is usually more serious. Plus, there isn't anything in the overview or tags that suggest this is a straight up comedy (as of the time of this post).

Personally, I think a deadpan and/or subdued humor delivered with good timing would have been good. As it stands, the plot immediately loses all seriousness and urgency. The tone that is set right from the get go is not something I expected going in. Instead of winning me over, it wore me out with the constant cringe humor and try hard approach.

 

[sleepyten]

It could come down to personal taste, but this style of humor didn't resonate with me at all. It feels pretty forced. I couldn't get past the scene where you are fixing the AI and trying to get admin access.

It's quite a subjective criticism, but maybe I could give my 2 cents. Comedy is all about the timing. Even in standup or comedy sitcoms, where the audience goes in fully expecting to laugh their ass off, you won't see a constant barrage of weak jokes. There are lulls and set ups followed by a punchline — generally something that comes out of left field.

For porn games, the default mindset of the audience isn't gonna be primed for comedy. You have to win them over. Doubly so if the subject matter (sci-fi in this case) is usually more serious. Plus, there isn't anything in the overview or tags that suggest this is a straight up comedy (as of the time of this post).

Personally, I think a deadpan and/or subdued humor delivered with good timing would have been good. As it stands, the plot immediately loses all seriousness and urgency. The tone that is set right from the get go is not something I expected going in. Instead of winning me over, it wore me out with the constant cringe humor and try hard approach.

I appreciate your willingness to at least give some feedback. At the end of the day I'm struggling in trying to find the right tone to fit what I want the story to end up being. I'm not a huge fan of games/novels/media that maintain a constant sense of tension throughout the story, so that might have bled over a little into the execution. The initial sense of urgency was hard for me to convey, so I may have gone too far in the other direction.

I was attempting to establish some sort of informal relationship between the MC and the AI, but I guess the delivery fell flat instead of actually being anything beyond shallow attempts at humor. I'll look back through the initial interactions and try to rework them, or maybe rework the relationship going forward in the updates. I don't want to end up being one of those people that just reworks V0.01 over and over again, releasing remasters and remakes like I've seen some games struggle with in the past.

And honestly I've found it pretty difficult to balance the fact that I want the story to have some substance with the fact that at its core the game's about having sex with as many people as you want to. Some of those struggles might be impacting the actual writing more than I want them to.

Thank you for your feedback, and I'll keep it in mind as I continue writing, rewriting, and editing the story.

 

[desmosome]

I appreciate your willingness to at least give some feedback. At the end of the day I'm struggling in trying to find the right tone to fit what I want the story to end up being. I'm not a huge fan of games/novels/media that maintain a constant sense of tension throughout the story, so that might have bled over a little into the execution. The initial sense of urgency was hard for me to convey, so I may have gone too far in the other direction.

I was attempting to establish some sort of informal relationship between the MC and the AI, but I guess the delivery fell flat instead of actually being anything beyond shallow attempts at humor. I'll look back through the initial interactions and try to rework them, or maybe rework the relationship going forward in the updates. I don't want to end up being one of those people that just reworks V0.01 over and over again, releasing remasters and remakes like I've seen some games struggle with in the past.

And honestly I've found it pretty difficult to balance the fact that I want the story to have some substance with the fact that at its core the game's about having sex with as many people as you want to. Some of those struggles might be impacting the actual writing more than I want them to.

Thank you for your feedback, and I'll keep it in mind as I continue writing, rewriting, and editing the story.

I bolded the bit to make sure you know that this is a subjective territory. What people find try-hard, cringy, hilarious, or just silly fun will vary. I just gave my POV as someone who thinks they have a pretty refined taste when it comes to comedy lol. I'm not asserting that you did things wrong or something, but perhaps it could help you land the precise tone you want to set if you think my critiques have merit. Good luck!

 

[sleepyten]

I bolded the bit to make sure you know that this is a subjective territory. What people find try-hard, cringy, hilarious, or just silly fun will vary. I just gave my POV as someone who thinks they have a pretty refined taste when it comes to comedy lol. I'm not asserting that you did things wrong or something, but perhaps it could help you land the precise tone you want to set if you think my critiques have merit. Good luck!

Fully understood. I know my idea of humor isn't going to line up with someone else's, but that's something I have to work towards making at least more entertaining for more people. I reread through a few of the interactions that people seemed to have some issues with, and I can see where they're coming from, and I think the problem was in the way I was trying to establish certain aspects of the MC's character without coming flat out and saying "this is how it is."

I might not be getting across the fact that the MC lucked his way into the biggest success of his life, so he sort of "shot to fame" in the way that child actors do, without the time and/or the environment to grow into his success. It's hard to get across without everything turning into flashbacks and infodumps, so I probably need to go back and rewrite and edit things in a way that maybe shares that idea a bit better. A lot of MC's immaturity and mental failings come from the environment he grew up in as well as the fact that he was more a tag-a-long on the journey than anyone else was. Again, something that I'm finding difficult to get across. I might scrap that aspect of the MC's backstory and try to reframe him in a way that doesn't make him so obviously ... useless(?)

That's just me ranting though, but thank you for the input. I really do appreciate it.

 

[desmosome]

Fully understood. I know my idea of humor isn't going to line up with someone else's, but that's something I have to work towards making at least more entertaining for more people. I reread through a few of the interactions that people seemed to have some issues with, and I can see where they're coming from, and I think the problem was in the way I was trying to establish certain aspects of the MC's character without coming flat out and saying "this is how it is."

I might not be getting across the fact that the MC lucked his way into the biggest success of his life, so he sort of "shot to fame" in the way that child actors do, without the time and/or the environment to grow into his success. It's hard to get across without everything turning into flashbacks and infodumps, so I probably need to go back and rewrite and edit things in a way that maybe shares that idea a bit better. A lot of MC's immaturity and mental failings come from the environment he grew up in as well as the fact that he was more a tag-a-long on the journey than anyone else was. Again, something that I'm finding difficult to get across. I might scrap that aspect of the MC's backstory and try to reframe him in a way that doesn't make him so obviously ... useless(?)

That's just me ranting though, but thank you for the input. I really do appreciate it.

You could consider editing the overview a bit too. The vibe I got from it was quite a bit more serious than what we see in the game. An audience that goes in expecting a light hearted tone will be much more willing to laugh with you.

 

[Jacowboy]

It could come down to personal taste, but this style of humor didn't resonate with me at all. It feels pretty forced. I couldn't get past the scene where you are fixing the AI and trying to get admin access.

I liked the humor generally, but I can agree that the scene where the MC is thinking goes on for a bit too long... that clicky part specifically, where's he's thinking... so sure, a couple of nitpicks here and there could be improved... that said:

For porn games, the default mindset of the audience isn't gonna be primed for comedy. You have to win them over. Doubly so if the subject matter (sci-fi in this case) is usually more serious.

I don't agree with this at all... there are a ton of AVNs, there's a place for comedic ones. I happen to REALLY enjoy the more comedic ones in fact, because let's be honest, AVNs can be silly sometimes... so it's not always bad to have humor in them, even if they're not full fledged comedies.

As a general rule of thumb I say: Let the devs do their thing... you can't please everyone so it's just better to do your thing, and as long as it's well made, people will enjoy it.

 

[johnmnf692]

Fully understood. I know my idea of humor isn't going to line up with someone else's, but that's something I have to work towards making at least more entertaining for more people. I reread through a few of the interactions that people seemed to have some issues with, and I can see where they're coming from, and I think the problem was in the way I was trying to establish certain aspects of the MC's character without coming flat out and saying "this is how it is."

I might not be getting across the fact that the MC lucked his way into the biggest success of his life, so he sort of "shot to fame" in the way that child actors do, without the time and/or the environment to grow into his success. It's hard to get across without everything turning into flashbacks and infodumps, so I probably need to go back and rewrite and edit things in a way that maybe shares that idea a bit better. A lot of MC's immaturity and mental failings come from the environment he grew up in as well as the fact that he was more a tag-a-long on the journey than anyone else was. Again, something that I'm finding difficult to get across. I might scrap that aspect of the MC's backstory and try to reframe him in a way that doesn't make him so obviously ... useless(?)

That's just me ranting though, but thank you for the input. I really do appreciate it.

Just dropping in to ask if you plan to continue this game or not, there's a lot of potential here, but I know it can be difficult to find the time to work on this kind of project.

 

[VenustusAltus]

I really hope this game isn't abandoned, but tbh I'm losing hope in that regard. Game had a decent start and good potential and I was looking forward to more of it.

 

[adewrwa]

Looks abandoned, shame. I liked the dialogues, the renders could be improved.