Ey! What it do meng! Icha boi!
Here are my current thoughts on your game. If my words sounded harsh, then I apologize in advance. That being said, my aim is to provide you with details that you can use to further improve your game.
Naturally, since I'm no pro, you can take my words with a grain of salt.
That being said, let's go!!!
[Menus and technicalities]
+Main Menu has music so that's a plus
+Main Menu does not use the base design! Another plus
-Unable to leave the name Blank.
[Music]
+Happy to see it has music!
+Happy to see it also has sound effects!
[Effects]
+Simple transitions
+Base animations.
-The blur effect is not used.
***Nothing really to harp here but if the author would like an element of tense or horror, using the crop or zoom feature would be perfect! And the blur effect too! It's helpful if you want to focus on a specific point of an image.
[Plot]
For plotting, I usually cut a whole chapter into scenes and then further cut scenes into three parts:
1. Character wants X
2. But X happens
3. Therefore Character does X
This probably looks a bit stiff for storytelling but it certainly is a comfortable method for ME when trying to convey something in a story. (you don't want to create scenes that don't have any purpose after all.)
Aside from that, I also cut the WHOLE story into main plots and sub-plots. This way I can keep track of the important details that might affect the character and the story.
Since the game has a couple of updates already, I decided to take 3 parts (Both sub-plot and Main-plot) and dissected them with explanations!
Main Plots:
* Over Arching plot (What the whole story is about)----Japan has a declining birth rate and enforced a breeding policy > People don't want to follow the Policy > Chaos ensued, loss of public order and other Apocalyptic events.
* MC plot (The MC's role in the story)----Ya boi is unsure whether he'll lose himself in a birthing spree or fight against it. It seems like his friends are the only ones who are keeping him sane and reasonable. (Yes, even Ichiro.)
SCENE A:
1. Mc and his group are talking about the program and other fun topics.
2. But Katsuo Rained on their parade.
3. There Mei gifted Katsuo an upper cut and Netflix kissed Stella, but it wasn't effective.
*** A simple and direct exposition of the current setting as well as some character introduction. The dev knows that a straight-up expo is boring so he flavored it with character interactions and threw in some character relationship introduction in the mix. Good job.
SCENE B:
1. MC's group huddled up and talked about the current events
2. But... Er.. They just talk more? (There isn't really any conflict here.)
3. Hence Ichiro lost 100 Yen
*** Yeah, this one is just a Straight up expo and nothing really significant happened. We already knew who are the students in support and against the program, and we also know that Mei is pissed off based on the initial scene. So yeah, showing the same stuff is not required anymore. I think this is one of the weaker scenes in the story. But ey! That is what criticism is!
I understand the intent of the scene. It shows show the MC and group's opinion about the whole event, which is fine as well but it definitely can be executed better by using an event to show it and not just a simple talking scene.
Just remember to review the story if you have time and run the 'plotting' guide I use above, in case you don't have one, it can determine whether a scene is strong or weak.
SCENE C:
1. The teacher wanted to show the male and female genitalia to the students and called out two 'willing' volunteers."
2. But... Er... they actually came to the stage although unwilling.
3. Hence they had a genitalia showcase
*** Seeing a pattern yet? Yup, there should always be a conflict in order to make a scene strong and not come off as an exposition. Now, you might say:
But didn't the student disciplinary head threaten them with being a human toilet? Why can't that be the 'conflict' of the scene? Or how about them not wanting to participate.
That's because we already know from the other scenes that she always uses this as a threat and other students won't want to participate, so nothing new is established. There's actually a quick fix to this:
1. The teacher wanted to show the male and female genitalia to the students and called out two 'willing' volunteers."
2. But they didn't agree and protested, vehemently denying to be a part of the show.
3. Hence the student head, took one of the protesters and made an example of him/her - finally breaking the student's spirit and participating in the show.
See how the threat became a reality? Letting us know that the head disciplinarian is serious and actually dangerous? I think having the scene configured this way is more impactful than the other scene where a random girl was being dragged and becoming a Toilet. (probably remove that scene altogether and just merge it with the genitalia scene.)
IN CONCLUSION: The Author has a grasp of story telling and characterization techniques, which is nice and cool to see!
Although there are minor bouts of weak scenes here and there, it's not really 'distracting' to the point that you don't want to read it.
Goodness no! Far from it! These are actually future improvements to further strengthen his storytelling technique.
Sub-plots:
The 'Yumi-Rin' Show:
1. The rival wants the same dude
2. But they hate each other and don't want to share him.
3. Hence, They will fight for his attention
***Aw yeah! The dream of all cultured men, multiple girls fighting for the heart and the D. Very interested in how this will turn out.
The scissor pair:
1. Mei still has feelings for Stella
2. But Stella is already 'committed' with Katsuo and she is done with Mei.
3. Mei cries and internalizes her grief and suffering from the breakup.
***Oooohhh... this could be an emotional one, will be on the lookout.
The Nightmare Sequences:
1. MC is getting sexual nightmares hence he consulted the doctor for help.
2. But the treatment is not working.
3. Hence he consults her even more....
***Say no more! More seks = More hard Peepee. I'm a very simple guy, I see girls with big boobies > I like.
IN CONCLUSION: The author has a knack for creating drama between people and giving us peepholes to look through them, like the hentai that we are. Kidding aside, kudos to the author for providing other stories to check and invest in aside from the main one.
[Characters] (I only included the ones that stuck out to me)
Ichiro: Ah yes, the side-kick and the usual butt of the joke. I like him! He's pragmatic and honest with this intention. He's fine with the program as long as no one gets abused! He also has some funny scenes thrown around.
Mei: Fierce and a scissoring expert, seems like she's the hot headed character of this group. The act first and think later person. Adamantly against the program.
Yuto: Me in a nutshell. What? Nothing wrong with being weird as long as nobody gets hurt yeah? I just have a 'grass swinging in the wind' fetish. We don't kink shame here!
Katsuo: Seems like our main antagonist, for now, I really like that he is solid and astute about this side and beliefs.
Yumi:Your local Bimbo and lewd girl. Not really sure why she likes the MC.
Rin: Ojousama with weakness to sex topics and lewd atmosphere. While I'm not sure why she's interested in the MC, I'm pretty sure her character arc will be a treat. I mean, how could an Ojousama fall to the MC who faps on wide screen TVs? Computer monitor fapper for life!
Yuki: Resident Gasai Yuno for your Yandere needs. Again, not sure why she likes the MC but I'll be on the lookout. (I mean why did she began stalking him in the first place.)
IN CONCLUSION: I really like the current group the MC has, it seems like two of them: Ichiro and Mei, represent the acceptance and denial of the plot. There's also a wide variety of characters with their own quirks.
Is there anything he can do to further improve them? I suppose the dev can be less upront about the LI's feelings and make it an excruciating guessing game.
Does he need to? Nah, I got a hard pepee and that's all I need. I'm just here to give some 2 cents!
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All in all, I hope this helped! Looking forward to what you'll do!
