VN Ren'Py Sin Heels [v0.4] [Hera Novels]

[warrenitro]

Maybe we are not that opposite to each other. At least, I have experienced that there are some VNs out there that "try" to make an interesting story but fail at it. What you get is endless blubber with strange plots, unbelievable characters and just boring and crappy text.
But we seem to differ that you can ignore this and just enjoy the view while I get thrown off by it. For Example Esra In ... has a refreshing setting, but was way to unrealistic.
And you don't seem to have found a adult VN with a story you also love. Just out of curiosity: Do you enjoy literature when it is not about porn? Totally ok if you don't, but maybe this is an easy explaination for it.
When I red a good book, I often feel sad for "parting" from the characters I learned to care for. And in some completed porn games, it feels the same.

Oh sure, I consider myself well read. But I seldom bother with the minutia “romantic” chatter. As an example I read every one of the Patrick Obrian novels. I loved the detailed description of life at sea but I skipped over all the romantic drivel with Dianna and whoever it was that Cap’n Jack ended up marrying, don’t know don’t care. In the end it didn’t matter much as far as I could tell.

 

[Wolfsen]

Timo if you like Fashion business Evelyn is like Monica in this attitude , she is very strong and seek vengeance like Monica is not dumb MC like many others games , I am pretty sure you like her at the same level of me . I like her so much for that bro try it really and you will see what I mean you have nothing to lose
...except a little of your time

 

[TimoF965]

You piqued my interest, I will play it tomorrow

Just joined your patreon (thanks for the reasonable entry-fee, bye the way) - one suggestion and one question: Some weeks ago you wrote that episode 1 will be released "next weak" but there is still just the download post for V0.7. Am I getting something wrong? Maybe you could pin a "download"-post so that every user can reach it easier.

I loved the detailed description of life at sea but I skipped over all the romantic drivel with Dianna and whoever it was that Cap’n Jack ended up marrying

Never heard of Obrian, but "life at sea" sounds interesting .
Ok, so could we describe you as a "selective" reader that is also not very interested in the inter-people-relationships but more in the "hard" facts? Would make it easier for me to understand.

 

[TimoF965]

Timo if you like Fashion business Evelyn is like Monica in this attitude , she is very strong and seek vengeance like Monica is not dumb MC like many others games

Thanks . Will try it tomorrow. But for the mean time one question: Monica is intelligent and strong, but the focus of that game is her suffering - the revenge is just an outlook far away. Monica had power and lost it - she seeks it but is powerless for now. This game here instead seems to be more about Evelyn using her smart brain and toughness to exercise power or manipulation.

But don't get me wrong, might also be cool. But as of yet I prefered my MCs suffer or struggle more than to be super heroes , even though I like a good ending nevertheless.

 

[Wolfsen]

Thanks . Will try it tomorrow. But for the mean time one question: Monica is intelligent and strong, but the focus of that game is her suffering - the revenge is just an outlook far away. Monica had power and lost it - she seeks it but is powerless for now. This game here instead seems to be more about Evelyn using her smart brain and toughness to exercise power or manipulation.

But don't get me wrong, might also be cool. But as of yet I prefered my MCs suffer or struggle more than to be super heroes , even though I like a good ending nevertheless.

Like Monica at the end of the ver 0.4 she will lost many things too , the question is how now she regain everything ! ? that what I want to see and discover too .. maybe the path is different yes, is true Evelyn seems into manipulation with guys and use her brain more and finally is good like this .... but here we have some similar things I thinks .... to the fact we see her fall and hope reach the top at the end , all of this make me really curious too and want to follow this story, Hera here have made a solid work with the plot with anythings is possible at the end ... . I know what you feel about having MC not like super heroes too , I like the same way cause it's more realistic generally

 

[warrenitro]

Never heard of Obrian, but "life at sea" sounds interesting .
Ok, so could we describe you as a "selective" reader that is also not very interested in the inter-people-relationships but more in the "hard" facts? Would make it easier for me to understand.

Think “Master and Commander” which is a surprisingly good movie based on the Patrick Obrian novels. He wrote about a dozen of them and they’re all pretty good except for the brief parts that involve chatty women. I skipped most of that stuff LoL

 

[Hera.N]

Thanks . Will try it tomorrow. But for the mean time one question: Monica is intelligent and strong, but the focus of that game is her suffering - the revenge is just an outlook far away. Monica had power and lost it - she seeks it but is powerless for now. This game here instead seems to be more about Evelyn using her smart brain and toughness to exercise power or manipulation.

But don't get me wrong, might also be cool. But as of yet I preferred my MCs suffer or struggle more than to be super heroes , even though I like a good ending nevertheless.

I like fashion business to, but as you said "the revenge is just an outlook far away" there. In sin heels you stay more focus to that. Evelyn have obstacles of course, but she is not that powerless. Here things happens faster, with more action and more plot. On the other side Maraya and other enemies is keep moving to, changing the situations. Think of it as combination House of Cards, Breaking Bad and Fashion Business.

It's gonna have multiple endings.

Edit: It's not bad that the creator of fashion business choose that way, it's one of my favorite games. I just write about our differences.

 

[Buletti]

Just to take some feedback, do you skip or read the dialogues in sex scenes?

Don't know if the question was aimed only after him but I answer anyways.

I mostly read all text in a VN. Because it is a novel. So I read also in sex scenes. If they are written well they add a lot of atmosphere for me.

That is why I also appreciate Animations a lot. They give a little time to free your hands.

 

[TimoF965]

I would like very much to hear your what you have to say after you play it

So I played it today. Since you wanted my opinion, I try to share it. This are just first impressions and not thought over for days, so don't take it too serious. I also do not come from the US-culture where everything is sugar-coated, so please excuse me if I sound too harsh - it is only ment as constructive criticism, but maybe worded badly here and there.

My first impression at the start (menu and "intro") was a professional game, clear design and nice animations. A colour-schema that is a little pink-violet-orientated but this is ok for a fashion business game - it is consistant.

Playing it, I noticed some things that I did not like that much: The dialogue contains some typos and especially some strange phrasing. This reduced the professional impression a little, but to be fair, it is just a beta version.

One other thing that threw me off a little were the exaggerated facial expressions and body language. Mark opening his mouth like a gold fish when shouting, Evelyn using her limps extremly. Maybe a bit less would be sufiicient.

The third thing is the exaggerated and sometimes unbelievable behavior of the protagonists. Three scenes for example: The 4 girls argue after the photo shoot. Their "parents" bring them a cake in order to celebrate their geto-to-know and they seem offended or pissed and storm off? In other scenes, at least some of them seem to like their "parents" and now they are offended by a cake and an anniversary? But only one scene later they meet in peace for dinner? So: Oh now, if you invite us for a cake right after the show, we hate you, but if you make us go to a restaurant in the middle of the night, we act civil?

Another scene was the young Evelyn in her parents car. They are late and the mother has a problem with her girl, ok. But she slaps her and says to her IN the car: "Go back home. Now!"? How should the daughter do this? But the next scene reveals that the girl did not go home, but was brought home by them. A better line would have been: "Now we have to bring you back! We are getting to late because of you!" or something.

The last example is Evelyn selling her body. I like this chance of mind and I do think it is plausible. Her loosing everything at the blink of an eye. Her being traumatized by the behavior of her mother and the death of her parents. She tries (maybe in a stupid first thought) to secure her life by selling her "body".
But why would the boss suddenly threat her like shit? To him, she is the well sought after price. Why would he offer her 300.000$ (through a client) and then simply rape her? He could have done this before.
But the most implausible is afterwards: He had her at her mercy, is clearly stronger than her and had her contiousless. But then she kicks his balls, stomps a little on his head with her tiny toes and is gives up completely? And she stomps on him until he blacks out? I mean, if he was weak like Mark, ok. If he wanted to be dominated, ok. But he is a strong guy.
After that, she is so cool to smoke sexy? And her friend an wanna-be lover pulls the gun on her like she seems to be dangerous?

Maybe this is due to the fact the game seems a little rushed - there is so much going on, the speed is very high and my brain is not fast enough to fill the gaps.
The basic story is good, I like the 3D-modells, I like their different characters. Also your idea with the car crash is good and helps to understand Evelyn. There is a lot of pontential, but the the way the story is told could use some... slow downs or some smaller adjustments. But maybe it is just me: The story feels like TikTok and I am more a Youtube-guy .
I do like your animations very much. They add to the scene a feeling of lifelyness.
What else I really like of your game: Instead of Fashion business, you spared us the grinding scenes that made in boring in the mid-versions. They changed and rised the spead and streamlined the progress, you you are doing this fine from the beginning (if maybe a tiy bit too much for the plot to be savoured enough).

Hope I did not offend you. You did much more than I could ever do in this regard and you still made me enjoy the game .

Think “Master and Commander” which is a surprisingly good movie based on the Patrick Obrian novels.

Oh yeah, I liked the movie. Did not know it was from him.

 

[Hera.N]

So I played it today. Since you wanted my opinion, I try to share it. This are just first impressions and not thought over for days, so don't take it too serious. I also do not come from the US-culture where everything is sugar-coated, so please excuse me if I sound too harsh - it is only ment as constructive criticism, but maybe worded badly here and there.

My first impression at the start (menu and "intro") was a professional game, clear design and nice animations. A colour-schema that is a little pink-violet-orientated but this is ok for a fashion business game - it is consistant.

Playing it, I noticed some things that I did not like that much: The dialogue contains some typos and especially some strange phrasing. This reduced the professional impression a little, but to be fair, it is just a beta version.

One other thing that threw me off a little were the exaggerated facial expressions and body language. Mark opening his mouth like a gold fish when shouting, Evelyn using her limps extremly. Maybe a bit less would be sufiicient.

The third thing is the exaggerated and sometimes unbelievable behavior of the protagonists. Three scenes for example: The 4 girls argue after the photo shoot. Their "parents" bring them a cake in order to celebrate their geto-to-know and they seem offended or pissed and storm off? In other scenes, at least some of them seem to like their "parents" and now they are offended by a cake and an anniversary? But only one scene later they meet in peace for dinner? So: Oh now, if you invite us for a cake right after the show, we hate you, but if you make us go to a restaurant in the middle of the night, we act civil?

Another scene was the young Evelyn in her parents car. They are late and the mother has a problem with her girl, ok. But she slaps her and says to her IN the car: "Go back home. Now!"? How should the daughter do this? But the next scene reveals that the girl did not go home, but was brought home by them. A better line would have been: "Now we have to bring you back! We are getting to late because of you!" or something.

The last example is Evelyn selling her body. I like this chance of mind and I do think it is plausible. Her loosing everything at the blink of an eye. Her being traumatized by the behavior of her mother and the death of her parents. She tries (maybe in a stupid first thought) to secure her life by selling her "body".
But why would the boss suddenly threat her like shit? To him, she is the well sought after price. Why would he offer her 300.000$ (through a client) and then simply rape her? He could have done this before.
But the most implausible is afterwards: He had her at her mercy, is clearly stronger than her and had her contiousless. But then she kicks his balls, stomps a little on his head with her tiny toes and is gives up completely? And she stomps on him until he blacks out? I mean, if he was weak like Mark, ok. If he wanted to be dominated, ok. But he is a strong guy.
After that, she is so cool to smoke sexy? And her friend an wanna-be lover pulls the gun on her like she seems to be dangerous?

Maybe this is due to the fact the game seems a little rushed - there is so much going on, the speed is very high and my brain is not fast enough to fill the gaps.
The basic story is good, I like the 3D-modells, I like their different characters. Also your idea with the car crash is good and helps to understand Evelyn. There is a lot of pontential, but the the way the story is told could use some... slow downs or some smaller adjustments. But maybe it is just me: The story feels like TikTok and I am more a Youtube-guy .
I do like your animations very much. They add to the scene a feeling of lifelyness.
What else I really like of your game: Instead of Fashion business, you spared us the grinding scenes that made in boring in the mid-versions. They changed and rised the spead and streamlined the progress, you you are doing this fine from the beginning (if maybe a tiy bit too much for the plot to be savoured enough).

Hope I did not offend you. You did much more than I could ever do in this regard and you still made me enjoy the game .


Oh yeah, I liked the movie. Did not know it was from him.

Not offended at all. Its a constrictive critique, so thanks. I will tell you my thoughts when i have some free time.

 

[Hera.N]

So I played it today. Since you wanted my opinion, I try to share it. This are just first impressions and not thought over for days, so don't take it too serious. I also do not come from the US-culture where everything is sugar-coated, so please excuse me if I sound too harsh - it is only ment as constructive criticism, but maybe worded badly here and there.

My first impression at the start (menu and "intro") was a professional game, clear design and nice animations. A colour-schema that is a little pink-violet-orientated but this is ok for a fashion business game - it is consistant.

Playing it, I noticed some things that I did not like that much: The dialogue contains some typos and especially some strange phrasing. This reduced the professional impression a little, but to be fair, it is just a beta version.

One other thing that threw me off a little were the exaggerated facial expressions and body language. Mark opening his mouth like a gold fish when shouting, Evelyn using her limps extremly. Maybe a bit less would be sufiicient.

The third thing is the exaggerated and sometimes unbelievable behavior of the protagonists. Three scenes for example: The 4 girls argue after the photo shoot. Their "parents" bring them a cake in order to celebrate their geto-to-know and they seem offended or pissed and storm off? In other scenes, at least some of them seem to like their "parents" and now they are offended by a cake and an anniversary? But only one scene later they meet in peace for dinner? So: Oh now, if you invite us for a cake right after the show, we hate you, but if you make us go to a restaurant in the middle of the night, we act civil?

Another scene was the young Evelyn in her parents car. They are late and the mother has a problem with her girl, ok. But she slaps her and says to her IN the car: "Go back home. Now!"? How should the daughter do this? But the next scene reveals that the girl did not go home, but was brought home by them. A better line would have been: "Now we have to bring you back! We are getting to late because of you!" or something.

The last example is Evelyn selling her body. I like this chance of mind and I do think it is plausible. Her loosing everything at the blink of an eye. Her being traumatized by the behavior of her mother and the death of her parents. She tries (maybe in a stupid first thought) to secure her life by selling her "body".
But why would the boss suddenly threat her like shit? To him, she is the well sought after price. Why would he offer her 300.000$ (through a client) and then simply rape her? He could have done this before.
But the most implausible is afterwards: He had her at her mercy, is clearly stronger than her and had her contiousless. But then she kicks his balls, stomps a little on his head with her tiny toes and is gives up completely? And she stomps on him until he blacks out? I mean, if he was weak like Mark, ok. If he wanted to be dominated, ok. But he is a strong guy.
After that, she is so cool to smoke sexy? And her friend an wanna-be lover pulls the gun on her like she seems to be dangerous?

Maybe this is due to the fact the game seems a little rushed - there is so much going on, the speed is very high and my brain is not fast enough to fill the gaps.
The basic story is good, I like the 3D-modells, I like their different characters. Also your idea with the car crash is good and helps to understand Evelyn. There is a lot of pontential, but the the way the story is told could use some... slow downs or some smaller adjustments. But maybe it is just me: The story feels like TikTok and I am more a Youtube-guy .
I do like your animations very much. They add to the scene a feeling of lifelyness.
What else I really like of your game: Instead of Fashion business, you spared us the grinding scenes that made in boring in the mid-versions. They changed and rised the spead and streamlined the progress, you you are doing this fine from the beginning (if maybe a tiy bit too much for the plot to be savoured enough).

Hope I did not offend you. You did much more than I could ever do in this regard and you still made me enjoy the game .


Oh yeah, I liked the movie. Did not know it was from him.

As i said I am not offended because its a constrictive critique. Before i answer to anything i would like to thank you again for your time and your dedication to provide a good feedback. I disagree in some points but even i that points i am trying to see your point and become better through it. So, i am gonna try to answer to your points and then i will try to give you my pov about your opinion.

I totally agree about the phrasing & typos. My English are not very good, but I have some people who help me with that and it's getting better as the story progress. I agree also that i need to improve the face expressions, its true that sometimes i didn't work on them as much as i should.

About the Unbelievable behaviors i disagree, but maybe that's cause as i creator i know much more about the characters and maybe some times i haven't express them well in the story.

Unbelievable behavior scene 1: It's about how they feel. They don't feel like her kids. That's why they act like this when Maraya enters the room like a mother. When she leaves and they stay with mark (who is not trying to be the "father") the are more ok.

Unbelievable behavior scene 2: Logically that you say is right. But while she is outraged she express her self with a more aggressive way. She express that she don't want her here. She want to vanish, to disappear. That's why she say something that don't make total sense, people do that, specially when are enraged.

Unbelievable Carlos behavior: what do you mean that "He could have done this before."? It's their first meeting. She is hot and he is a criminal boss with her alone. He thinks that she will accept what he will do. About the his power, have you ever hit your balls? imagine 5 hits from a stilleto with all her power. Then while he is in pain she finish him. Okay, maybe she is a little bit overpowered in that scene, but personally i don't think that's unbelievable, but it's weak. Overall i should have write better that scene.

About the cigarette: She is nervous, that's why she smoke, but i stylized to much that image, just because i liked it. I give you totally that. But her "friend" comes in to see what happened, he don't know yet.

About the speed: That's my personal preference. I was bored by games that plotwise nothing happened for an entire season. I have seen many games that characters talk and talk and talk then sex scene and then they talk again. I don't like that, i want every scene to have a truly purpose, not to be there just to fill the episode. I have seen creators searching for writers payed by "words" cause they want to fill their games with more characters who speaking again and again. I try to give all the needed information and with the minimum words so we can go to action and see the characters to act. That's what define a character, her actions. I am bored with characters that their only thing that highlight their their personality is how much they love/want the MC. You have played the 60-70% of my first episode and you can feel their personalities already (most of them), regardless if you find them interesting. Yes, the first episode it's a little bit fast, but i have a complicated story with many and i prefer to be faster than normal, than being on the setup for 10 hours.

Maybe i sound a bit arrogant, as if I'm saying that others are doing it badly and I'm here to show how it's done. I'm actually just saying what I didn't like about several games and trying to make it different in mine.

Maybe someone will say that i am looking for to much on a fap game. But that's my vision about the script, to create a story that have a quality to stand alone, regardless if it's a sex game.

Why you found all these negatives: I create 1 episode in about 1 and a half month. In my episodes things happen all the time. That means we meet new characters, new places and plot keep moving. That means i have always to write new plot, not just character speaking about random things. Find those places, create the new characters, think about their personalities, light them in a beautiful way, etc. Ιn a few words in order to create 1 episode i believe that i need more effort from the average VN, cause i have fast pace. Since this is my first game i will make a lot of mistakes and these type of critiques help me to understand them, even when i disagree i am thinking of them.

I am glad that you enjoyed my game and thank you for your time and the effort you made to write me your critique just because i asked.

P.S. Sorry for my English and btw the story slows down a little bit on the second episode.

 

[Wolfsen]

About the speed: That's my personal preference. I was bored by games that plotwise nothing happened for an entire season. I have seen many games that characters talk and talk and talk then sex scene and then they talk again. I don't like that, i want every scene to have a truly purpose, not to be there just to fill the episode. I have seen creators searching for writers payed by "words" cause they want to fill their games with more characters who speaking again and again. I try to give all the needed information and with the minimum words so we can go to action and see the characters to act. That's what define a character, her actions. I am bored with characters that their only thing that highlight their their personality is how much they love/want the MC. You have played the 60-70% of my first episode and you can feel their personalities already (most of them), regardless if you find them interesting. Yes, the first episode it's a little bit fast, but i have a complicated story with many and i prefer to be faster than normal, than being on the setup for 10 hours.

You Absolutely right about the Speed Hera , I share the same feeling like you about this , I have playing so many time games who have nothing to tell before long time then I become quickly bored before the main thing pass and quickly stop to play ..... and "maybe" miss something good .....is true Sin Heel have a little a speed flow in the start but I like it for that, the player stay focus every time and get never bored ... my first run was epic for that and I want see more because of this thing too . I understand perfectly what Timo says and feel about that thing and is right , it depend of the taste for sure Anyway you have picked my interest with plot and you know perfectly what I thinks now

 

[TimoF965]

Thank you for taking your time and explaining your thoughts in detail.
I am glad that you did not get me wrong or are hurt but that you "confront" my criticism (in a good way). Honest conversations are the best.
Currently, I am trying to play through the game again in order to see if I can see your explaination in the game as you were so nice trying to see my point.

But as a pre-summary, I think it comes down a lot to the different paces that you and I put inti/expect from the game.

I agree also that i need to improve the face expressions, its true that sometimes i didn't work on them as much as i should.

Just to be clear: I would suggest just to tone them down a little. It is not that you are capturing no emotions, but in my opinion, you are capturing too much/too loud/too fastly changing sometimes. I know it is a bad comparrisson, but just to get the direction: It sometimes reminds me (far) of Louis de Funès, if you know what I mean. I don't want to offend you - he is just an example for the direction, not the scale of overexpression (and I loved his movies).
[From the future: As I went through the game again, maybe I am the most unhappy with Mark's expression. Maybe you don't consider him an A-character, so you gave him less love than the others. For example the cake scene: I like the change in facial expression and body language of everybody in the cake scene, the "agressive" look of Maraya when the girls are leaving is perfect! But Mark looks like he is on a happy trip - give him a little love, too . Also in the bed scene with Evelyn when he says "I won't calm down!".

About the Unbelievable behaviors i disagree, but maybe that's cause as i creator i know much more about the characters and maybe some times i haven't express them well in the story.

Unbelievable behavior scene 1: It's about how they feel. They don't feel like her kids. That's why they act like this when Maraya enters the room like a mother. When she leaves and they stay with mark (who is not trying to be the "father") the are more ok.

Ok, if you really wanted to let the viewer be astonished by this behavior and leave them a little in the dark about the relationship of Maraya and the girls - if you wanted to use this scene as a teaser, then I agree with you and it is logical. But I don't remeber you adressing this problem even anywhere in the following scenes. So it is at least a very lonely and very early teaser of this "problem" that might arise.
I don't know if my suggestion would be against your style or strategy, but for the stupid reader (as I am), I would suggest to add at least some more bred crums in the Cake-scene. As of know, we red that Maraya sees the girls as her children and loves them. But she enters with "It is 5 years from the first time we met" - she is not explicitly saying anything about thinking of them als children - you could say the same to co-workers. Then, Victoria says "We are not your children" and Evelyn says "Cringe" - thats it. Just some bad suggestions: Maybe let Maraya say "It is 5 years before we joined as a familiy" or "... since I became your mother"" or "... you became my daughters!" Then it would be more clear and would not slow down at all.
Thinking of it since I now understand why they are upset: I even find it realistic that at least some of them find her thinking of being their mother strange. I thought so myself when I read your game description, but I didi not think a lot of it . So I am corrected: It is a good and realistic scene, I would just add the crum mentioned above.

The connection between this and the next scene (her talking with Evelyn about an interview) is maybe a little unconnected: She is rejected as mother, but she does say a word (expect maybe a "wait") about this, but speaks business to Evelyn (cancel the interview). But I am careful now . If you want to portray her as a little "strange" or schizophrenic, it is all good. If not, you should give them a line about this before talking about the interview. At least I was lost in this transition - I thought she would want to talk about the cake and now there is some kind of interview and she is not angry, but talks calmly (even if self confident).

I am also careful with criticising a fashion company leader in getting into the NUCLEAR energy industry and even illegally doing so. Sounds far fetched, but maybe Maraya is a criminal genious.

Unbelievable behavior scene 2: Logically that you say is right. But while she is outraged she express her self with a more aggressive way. She express that she don't want her here. She want to vanish, to disappear. That's why she say something that don't make total sense, people do that, specially when are enraged.

I played it again and still don't like this line . Maybe it has something to do with the spelling mistakes I read earlier... you I do not consider this voluntary making her say something incorrectly. But I found another explaination in my mind for this: Maybe she is saying this to her husband "Go home now!" - like: "Drive us home!"
So not a big deal anymore .

(By the way, there appears an errorin the scene young Evelyn lies on the flor afterwards:
File "game/script.rpy", line 2292, in script
scene SC28SH15 with dissolve (2.0)
TypeError: 'Dissolve' object is not callable )

Unbelievable Carlos behavior: what do you mean that "He could have done this before."? It's their first meeting. She is hot and he is a criminal boss with her alone. He thinks that she will accept what he will do.

Ah, ok, you did not tell us that this is their first meeting. Because she knows his bodyguard(?) Jack very(!) well, I thought she also knew the boss.
But you are right: She actually mentions her name to him - they did not know each other. But I wonder... if she feels the need to even say her name, how can the boss arrange for someone who will pay that much money for her? During my first play-through, I even thought for a short time that the boss was the secret client and there was not mysterious other client. He just wanted to see if she was selling herself for any amount and then be her "pimp". Could make sense, but nothing in the game supports this theory, does it?

But even if not: She is willing to do this only for a lot of money (far from reasonable) but he expects her to do it for free? And he is not even raping her while she is awake, he wants to rape her passed out? Even risking "damaging the goods"? Maybe too much for me. If he would try it afterwards or at least not try to suffocate her... . Even the enourmous sum makes it clear that she is not consideres a "poor whore" that will probably go along with everything you throw in her way.

About the his power, have you ever hit your balls? imagine 5 hits from a stilleto with all her power. Then while he is in pain she finish him. Okay, maybe she is a little bit overpowered in that scene, but personally i don't think that's unbelievable, but it's weak. Overall i should have write better that scene.

I would expect him to be shielded after the first kick by closing his legs. But he lays on the floor, looking and talking to her, not even with a lot of pain. Even one arm of him should be enough to hold her away.
If you wanted to exchange a little believability for the strong desire to include the fetish of ball-busting, it is ok. But if you just wanted a believable scene, maybe he should have slipped from the first kick and knocked his head on the table losing his conciousness.

About the cigarette: She is nervous, that's why she smoke, but i stylized to much that image, just because i liked it. I give you totally that. But her "friend" comes in to see what happened, he don't know yet.

You really made a georgeous picture with her. Very sexy, powerful, wow. I get why you wanted it to be in the game. Maybe it would be a perfect gallery picture or even a game title.

About Jack pointing the gun at him: Ok, so this is about our different speeds... I would have expected at least a "Boss?" or/and him entering with a surprised face. Or an explaination what he did hear. But him directly pointing the gun at her with his finger on the trigger...

About the speed: That's my personal preference. I was bored by games that plotwise nothing happened for an entire season. I have seen many games that characters talk and talk and talk then sex scene and then they talk again. I don't like that [...] I try to give all the needed information and with the minimum words so we can go to action and see the characters to act. [...] You have played the 60-70% of my first episode and you can feel their personalities already (most of them), regardless if you find them interesting.

Yes, ok, so it really is a little about me being Youtube and you being TikTok (no offense). But I get where you are coming from and with the little additions/explainations I think I can really enjoy your game. you are fast-forward, but you do have a good story for it. The opposite to the games you mentioned, there are games that do offer (almost) not text in between the sex scenes. They are stupid-fast-forward, while you seem to be intelligent-fast-forward .

Maybe someone will say that i am looking for to much on a fap game. But that's my vision about the script, to create a story that have a quality to stand alone, regardless if it's a sex game.

If you actually can deliver as you "promised" though the first scenes, I think you will have exactly that, a quite stand alone, fast-paced, interesting sex game .

Why you found all these negatives: I create 1 episode in about 1 and a half month. [...] Ιn a few words in order to create 1 episode i believe that i need more effort from the average VN, cause i have fast pace.

Wow, this is really impressive - especially with your very good visual quality!
Just maybe: If you would have taken not one and a half, but one and three quaters of a month, this game would be not only good but "perfect" .

Maybe i sound a bit arrogant, as if I'm saying that others are doing it badly and I'm here to show how it's done. I'm actually just saying what I didn't like about several games and trying to make it different in mine.
[...]
Since this is my first game i will make a lot of mistakes and these type of critiques help me to understand them, even when i disagree i am thinking of them.

No, you are not arrogant, you are absolutely right and I am thankful that you give me that insight. I am also thankful that you take my words not as an offens but even thinking them over.
And you can be proud of your work. I really want to see how it is going on!
You are also absolutely right with some of the other games: They would make a complete seasong with every scene of your first episode - even if they would have entered a sensless sex scene in every one of them .

Sorry for my English and btw the story slows down a little bit on the second episode.

I think your english here is very good and even better than mine. It is just about the few lines inside the game that should have been eliminated by now - at least by your proof-reader.

So, to sum it up: It really helped re-playing the game with just a little more information. And I am really glad that you do not give too much of information because I hate spoilers. Maybe my first impression was not that good because all the minor downsides addes up: Some broken sentences and misspelled words, just a few mimics that were off, a very fast pace, a little too few information (for me).
You are really doing great and I am glad that you are putting so much thought in your game! Kepp up the good work.

 

[HeelsMaiden]

This may seem to be a very minor thing but consider adding sound of impact for Evelyn's heels in the opening scene when she's walking toward Mark. Those staccatos of heels hitting the floor can be very arousing for those of us with a fetish for high heels.

 

[Hera.N]

This may seem to be a very minor thing but consider adding sound of impact for Evelyn's heels in the opening scene when she's walking toward Mark. Those staccatos of heels hitting the floor can be very arousing for those of us with a fetish for high heels.

Like me I would like to add sounds to all animations one day, but it's not my priority right now, do you think it should be? I mean if I add sound to one video it will look weird to not have to all, right?

 

[Hera.N]

Just to be clear: I would suggest just to tone them down a little. It is not that you are capturing no emotions, but in my opinion, you are capturing too much/too loud/too fastly changing sometimes. I know it is a bad comparrisson, but just to get the direction: It sometimes reminds me (far) of Louis de Funès, if you know what I mean. I don't want to offend you - he is just an example for the direction, not the scale of overexpression (and I loved his movies).
[From the future: As I went through the game again, maybe I am the most unhappy with Mark's expression. Maybe you don't consider him an A-character, so you gave him less love than the others. For example the cake scene: I like the change in facial expression and body language of everybody in the cake scene, the "agressive" look of Maraya when the girls are leaving is perfect! But Mark looks like he is on a happy trip - give him a little love, too . Also in the bed scene with Evelyn when he says "I won't calm down!".

Mark is a victim of my low experience on Daz3d. He is different model generation and i don't have many tools to work with him, plus i am not that familiar with his gen. I agree but in the "I won't calm down!" scene i like him a lot.

The connection between this and the next scene (her talking with Evelyn about an interview) is maybe a little unconnected: She is rejected as mother, but she does say a word (expect maybe a "wait") about this, but speaks business to Evelyn (cancel the interview). But I am careful now . If you want to portray her as a little "strange" or schizophrenic, it is all good. If not, you should give them a line about this before talking about the interview. At least I was lost in this transition - I thought she would want to talk about the cake and now there is some kind of interview and she is not angry, but talks calmly (even if self confident).

I wanted to portray how much she don't like Eve and what's her power over her.

I am also careful with criticising a fashion company leader in getting into the NUCLEAR energy industry and even illegally doing so. Sounds far fetched, but maybe Maraya is a criminal genious.

Maraya have a large group of companies and with the help of George she has begun to enter a very closed circle of powerful people. The idea with nuclear energy is not hers, simply because her acquaintances let her participate so that she can make profits. I thought that's clear by now, specially after she speak to Goerge at the party.

I played it again and still don't like this line . Maybe it has something to do with the spelling mistakes I read earlier... you I do not consider this voluntary making her say something incorrectly. But I found another explaination in my mind for this: Maybe she is saying this to her husband "Go home now!" - like: "Drive us home!"
So not a big deal anymore .

Let's agree that we disagree on that

(By the way, there appears an errorin the scene young Evelyn lies on the flor afterwards:
File "game/script.rpy", line 2292, in script
scene SC28SH15 with dissolve (2.0)
TypeError: 'Dissolve' object is not callable )

Yeah, this bug to some pc's. I tested to all of my pc's and was fine. Easy fix anyway. Thanks.

Ah, ok, you did not tell us that this is their first meeting. Because she knows his bodyguard(?) Jack very(!) well, I thought she also knew the boss.
But you are right: She actually mentions her name to him - they did not know each other. But I wonder... if she feels the need to even say her name, how can the boss arrange for someone who will pay that much money for her? During my first play-through, I even thought for a short time that the boss was the secret client and there was not mysterious other client. He just wanted to see if she was selling herself for any amount and then be her "pimp". Could make sense, but nothing in the game supports this theory, does it?

He is not, there is a real client and there is one small clue. You know him.

But even if not: She is willing to do this only for a lot of money (far from reasonable) but he expects her to do it for free? And he is not even raping her while she is awake, he wants to rape her passed out? Even risking "damaging the goods"? Maybe too much for me. If he would try it afterwards or at least not try to suffocate her... . Even the enourmous sum makes it clear that she is not consideres a "poor whore" that will probably go along with everything you throw in her way.

I totally understand your point, but he have a totaly different mindset. For him she is just another whore. He don't care even if he damage her. He have money and his priority is to show to the "arrogant whore" who is the boss.

I would expect him to be shielded after the first kick by closing his legs. But he lays on the floor, looking and talking to her, not even with a lot of pain. Even one arm of him should be enough to hold her away.
If you wanted to exchange a little believability for the strong desire to include the fetish of ball-busting, it is ok. But if you just wanted a believable scene, maybe he should have slipped from the first kick and knocked his head on the table losing his conciousness.

Hmmm. You are right, it's a little bit more fun service than believable.

You really made a georgeous picture with her. Very sexy, powerful, wow. I get why you wanted it to be in the game. Maybe it would be a perfect gallery picture or even a game title.

It's dangerous image for spoiler. Maybe i will add it on 2 updates after.

About Jack pointing the gun at him: Ok, so this is about our different speeds... I would have expected at least a "Boss?" or/and him entering with a surprised face. Or an explaination what he did hear. But him directly pointing the gun at her with his finger on the trigger...

Spoiler

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Yes, ok, so it really is a little about me being Youtube and you being TikTok (no offense). But I get where you are coming from and with the little additions/explainations I think I can really enjoy your game. you are fast-forward, but you do have a good story for it. The opposite to the games you mentioned, there are games that do offer (almost) not text in between the sex scenes. They are stupid-fast-forward, while you seem to be intelligent-fast-forward .


If you actually can deliver as you "promised" though the first scenes, I think you will have exactly that, a quite stand alone, fast-paced, interesting sex game .



Wow, this is really impressive - especially with your very good visual quality!
Just maybe: If you would have taken not one and a half, but one and three quaters of a month, this game would be not only good but "perfect" .


No, you are not arrogant, you are absolutely right and I am thankful that you give me that insight. I am also thankful that you take my words not as an offens but even thinking them over.
And you can be proud of your work. I really want to see how it is going on!
You are also absolutely right with some of the other games: They would make a complete seasong with every scene of your first episode - even if they would have entered a sensless sex scene in every one of them .


I think your english here is very good and even better than mine. It is just about the few lines inside the game that should have been eliminated by now - at least by your proof-reader.

So, to sum it up: It really helped re-playing the game with just a little more information. And I am really glad that you do not give too much of information because I hate spoilers. Maybe my first impression was not that good because all the minor downsides addes up: Some broken sentences and misspelled words, just a few mimics that were off, a very fast pace, a little too few information (for me).
You are really doing great and I am glad that you are putting so much thought in your game! Kepp up the good work.

I am glad that you like it. Also thank you for sharing your pov and understanding mine, thank you for your support, your advices and your kind words. All of them are important and very helpful to me.

 

[HeelsMaiden]

Like me I would like to add sounds to all animations one day, but it's not my priority right now, do you think it should be? I mean if I add sound to one video it will look weird to not have to all, right?

No it shouldn't be a priority. Just something that is nice to have. But yeah ideally every walking scenes with heels should have those impact sounds hehehe.

 

[Hera.N]

No it shouldn't be a priority. Just something that is nice to have. But yeah ideally every walking scenes with heels should have those impact sounds hehehe.

I would like that to and there will be done one day. Btw I am planning to add more scenes like this.

 

[TimoF965]

Mark is a victim of my low experience on Daz3d. He is different model generation and i don't have many tools to work with him, plus i am not that familiar with his gen.

Ok, so I try to ignore it. This will stay a problem until the end because you will not change his model mid game, right? But if it has its reasons, it is better to ignore it .

I wanted to portray how much she don't like Eve and what's her power over her.

You did this good, it is fully transported! I just feel it lacks a little transition, from Maraya being run off from to Maraya being in charge without even mentioning the offense (running away) of Eve.

The idea with nuclear energy is not hers, simply because her acquaintances let her participate so that she can make profits. I thought that's clear by now, specially after she speak to Goerge at the party.

You are right, it is kind of clear by now. I stumbled over the nuclear energy maybe because it was not that clear in which direction it would go in the early chapters. I have seen many strange games here where Maraya would turn out to be a rocket scvientist as well . So ok, if you stick to her just using nuclear energy as an investment opportunity, I take back my criticism.

[About the retrospective "Go Home now"] Let's agree that we disagree on that

A proposal not commenly said with a smile this days - I like that and agree .

[About the dissolve-Error] Yeah, this bug to some pc's. I tested to all of my pc's and was fine. Easy fix anyway. Thanks.

It does not even appear every time I go through this scene if I skip fast forward through it. Strange effect - PC's have a life of their own .

He is not, there is a real client and there is one small clue. You know him.

Yet another reason to be looking forward for your next release (or the next-next ) . I might have an idea, but I will not spoiler here.

I totally understand your point, but he have a totaly different mindset. For him she is just another whore. He don't care even if he damage her. He have money and his priority is to show to the "arrogant whore" who is the boss.

Ok, if you explain it this way, I can wrap my head around I. In reality, I often think "nobody with a sane mind will do this... and then I get to know one or two people who do exactly this, deliberatly! So yeah, what do I know how mob-leaders do think?! But even though you are right here - there is not even a hint he could think so. I would have understood your setup better that way.... but I don't know how you could integrate that information (the mob-leader does not care about her at all/thinks about ALL women as sluts and objects) but not spoil too much or even get "boring" by explaining too much (in your perspective) .
But thanks for explaining anyways.
Oh, and I see: You are writing a very fast paced game and we a spending twice the actual game time in adding this "boring" information in our conversation here - a little bit ironic . But thanks for allowing me this and even forcontributing yourself.

It's dangerous image for spoiler. Maybe i will add it on 2 updates after.

You are right. And I like it that you care about not using spoilers. Some creators even use gallery-teasers that the hardest to reach variant of the gallery event - spoiling a lot so I have to scroll through the gallery with half closed eyes .
But your picture is really too good to not be used. Very sexy!

Spoiler: About the pointed gun at the end of the scene

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Oh, the "screen-play-director shown through . Not my style, but I understand .

I mean if I add sound to one video it will look weird to not have to all, right?

With videos or especially highlight-sound that relate to an outstanding element, I am ok if not everything else is "sound-enhanced". What I really do not like is partially voice over, especially if it is just some stupid free "aaaaah!". But also very good voice acting destroys my imaginitive picture of the MCs and it hinders me reading in my own speed.
Some signature-sounds like the stilettos, if good and not over-used(!), could be quite nice, though.
But just my 2 cents and I agree with you having other priorities.

I am glad that you like it. Also thank you for sharing your pov and understanding mine, thank you for your support, your advices and your kind words. All of them are important and very helpful to me.

Thank you for taking the time and really reading and trying to understand my single opinion. I am glad that you stay true to your vision and if I could only support you a little, I am very glad.