- Jan 31, 2018
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UnDoubleUpUhUh refer my 2 posts just above yours and on previous page and the reply by
i107760
Need to correct minor error in coding - worked fine for me
- Thread starter i107760
- Start date
UnDoubleUpUhUh refer my 2 posts just above yours and on previous page and the reply by
i107760
Need to correct minor error in coding - worked fine for me
I really don't get the fuss about the "underage" aspect of the sister. She's shaving, she's tall enough to use gym equipment like cable machines on her own, she has a classmate her age with huge tits... there is barely any content yet, a significant portion of it is a cookbook, but there are already half a dozen things written about the sister character that wouldn't make a nick of sense if you'd pick any age for her below the age of consent. As for the MC, he drives... in most parts of the world you don't get your permanent driver's license to allow you to drive without supervision until you are seventeen and a half. For there to be so much fuss about the age of these characters I imagined much more controversial content (imagined, but not expected, it was the "fake" controversy itself that pulled me in... fake because compared to Parental Love's Ada, this is absolutely nothing).
That being said I like it better this way, the uploader's sig banner on the right paints a lot more accurate picture of the sister than asakuraf's drawing, I just wish there would be less Gordon Ramsay and other less relevant inserts in there that aren't serving character development or world building, they are just pure filler. Omitting the recipe won't make the story any less believable, and a narrator doesn't have to explain the reader what progressive overload is in a gym scene either for the MC to let off some steam, these are unnecessary bits of information. Anywhere else where such information is passed on between two or more characters through dialogue, it's alright, but not when the MC is alone doing their own thing. It would have been a great bonding opportunity (also way more content) to for example teach her how to cook her favorite food, where it would have been justified to show every step of the entire cooking process, instead of just presenting it to the reader while the MC was preparing it alone minding his own business.
Regardless how many words you write, it matters to make all of it relevant to the reader in some way. 9800 words where entire pages are being skipped because the reader has absolutely no interest in learning about the technicalities of swim coaching are much less content than 5800 words where everything is read word for word.
That being said I like it better this way, the uploader's sig banner on the right paints a lot more accurate picture of the sister than asakuraf's drawing, I just wish there would be less Gordon Ramsay and other less relevant inserts in there that aren't serving character development or world building, they are just pure filler. Omitting the recipe won't make the story any less believable, and a narrator doesn't have to explain the reader what progressive overload is in a gym scene either for the MC to let off some steam, these are unnecessary bits of information. Anywhere else where such information is passed on between two or more characters through dialogue, it's alright, but not when the MC is alone doing their own thing. It would have been a great bonding opportunity (also way more content) to for example teach her how to cook her favorite food, where it would have been justified to show every step of the entire cooking process, instead of just presenting it to the reader while the MC was preparing it alone minding his own business.
Regardless how many words you write, it matters to make all of it relevant to the reader in some way. 9800 words where entire pages are being skipped because the reader has absolutely no interest in learning about the technicalities of swim coaching are much less content than 5800 words where everything is read word for word.
I agree that the game isn't particularly taboo by the standards of f95zone... The problem is the standards of f95zone aren't most people's standards, and they're definitely not Patreon's standards.
There were from what I remember, around 7 people that left a comment on the thread saying this game crossed some sort of line, before I removed the taboo content from the game.
As for the 'filler', I disagree, mainly due to story flow, and for example, the MC having to let off steam serves to develop his own character. The introduction (the first four days) is more about the development of the MC himself than that of the girl or the relationship between boy and girl. So having scenes where he is alone, and has time to think are important in my opinion for his own character development. He goes from feeling nothing for the girl, to being attracted to her; but feeling awful about it, to accepting his feelings for the girl, and finally, he will begin to start acting on them.
As for the cooking scene, I agree it's mainly filler. It's not THAT big though, it's 400 words. It's the scene I am least happy with, and I plan to rewrite it. The reason I do not just say "I go down the stairs, into the kitchen and cook dinner for my housemate; Spaghetti with tomato sauce." and skip from interesting scene to interesting scene, is because a story like that gets disjointed in my opinion, where there is little feeling of passage of time and you are skipping around all over the place. The story will begin to look like a list of actions, which many porn games suffer from in my opinion.
I get that it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's my writing style, and I'm not planning on changing this in a major way. Although, the introduction serves to let me skip ahead in later days. Things will be getting skipped and/or summarized in the girl's diary, and much of the swimming stuff will be delegated to various people (the coaches, your landlady, etc.) and the focus will shift from that after the introduction is over.
I do appreciate your feedback, and hope you still enjoyed playing the game, despite not liking some elements.
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In my opinion not listing the recipe the character is about to prepare doesn't make a story any less shallow than reading the user manual of a washing machine they just bought would make it deep. I get your argument about pacing, I write quite a lot, but even if you include them for that purpose, I don't see how the aforementioned parts in their present format are a self-monologue and this is coming from a person who cooks daily, and works out several times a week. I didn't feel the familiarity, I wasn't connected to those parts in any way. They just felt like an info dump. (I didn't have the hots for my non-existent sister, so I can't comment on the accuracy of those parts.)
I enjoyed the rest of your work though, and I'm not implying in any way that your pacing is off. I don't know how productive you are when it comes to writing (when I feel inspired I have no problem writing 50k characters over a long weekend), but I would have zero problems with reading five times more than I already did without these characters ending up at a stage where they are already intimate. I just don't want parts of the story that eventually lead to it feel like the commercial breaks interrupting a TV episode I'm watching.
- Oct 21, 2017
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400 words isn't much. I've written script to novels with many more words than that as "filler" (still not gonna link to my IMDB page though). For most people that read this kinda stuff it's not much, and also easy to skim over.
MOST people.
The audience for what I write is different from that which is written here though.
I feel like it's okay, but chances are I both write for a different audience, and read with a different point of view.
i107760, use your own judgement, but as someone who has done some professional writing, I think it's okay, as long as you keep the narrative flowing and consistent.
- Sep 21, 2018
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I generally hate panty sniff but I think it would be in the character that (and as loli is even better)
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- Sep 21, 2018
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This should now be fixed, will be included with the next version. Sorry for the trouble. In other news, I'll be very busy at work until next week Friday, meaning no new update next week either. One of my coworkers has been absent for a few months now, and now another one has contracted corona. Only leaving three out of five people present, working from home, so it's not ideal. EDIT: Next update will be first Friday of November, sorry for the delay.
EDIT: If you want to fix this and the panty sniffing bug, you can do the following by opening the ".html" file:
You must be registered to see the links
, if these bugs bother you enough. It's two simple find and replaces, so shouldn't take longer than a minute.
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- Oct 1, 2017
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Well designed and written game, good job. Can't wait to see the content for all paths you thought of completed, I'd really like a path with ntr too, there are a lot of interesting characters to expand on. GL
- Sep 21, 2018
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- Oct 23, 2020
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Time to change my story into a magic surrealism one where she turns into a chair. I hope you'll be satisfied, then. All the sitting you could ever hope for!
It will come next week Friday, did not finish entirely. Edited my post earlier today that said I hoped to release it today, and made a Patreon post on Thursday saying it would come next week. Sorry!
- Sep 21, 2018
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- Nov 2, 2018
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Don't mean to be rude, but does anyone know any games similar to this?
- Nov 2, 2018
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Themes and content, don't mind if it's text based.
- Oct 1, 2017
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i107760 If you can pls try to have it on SubscribeStar too, I don't trust Patreon and I want to limit my support there as much as possible. I know it takes a while but it will probably be worth it.
There's not too many really similar, kind of similar are:
https://f95zone.to/threads/sisterly-lust-v1-1-2-es-perverteer.6547/
https://f95zone.to/threads/midlife-crisis-v0-21b-nefastus-games.20427/
https://f95zone.to/threads/research-into-affection-v0-6-10-boomatica-jd.15780/
https://f95zone.to/threads/light-of-my-life-ch-4-v0-5-2-naughtyroad.29628/
And some Japanese games, but I'm not sure of the rules if I can link them.
I don't really want to run two pages for my game (three if you include F95), if I make a SubscribeStar again, it would be purely a tip-jar without the benefits of being a Patron. And it would probably take a month for it to be approved again.
And I really do not trust their customer support to get back to me in a timely manner if there is a problem with my game's page, so I'm kind of hesitant. Doesn't really feel worth the trouble, despite their lower fees and non-censorship.
I understand you don't trust Patreon though, and it's no problem if you don't want to become a patron due to that. I feel that I can write the game I want while conforming to their ToS, so for now I'm not concerned about it.
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