This was his not really funny April fools.
Public post
Merch Expansion Paused
Sorry folks, we were planning to expand our inventory today but we've had some issues with the site. Here's what we were going to add today. We should have it on sale again by tomorrow.
Catium Crystal
Item Description:
This is a genuine solid Catium crystal made of divine energy from Cypress Zeta himself. Decorate your walls, liven up your living room, or enlighten some minds with this thoughtful decorative crystal! Warning: Item may emit hazardous divine magical radiation. Side effects may include a slow slide into nymphomania, open minded acceptance of suggestions made to those affected, development of multiple new sexual kinks, and a compulsion to use the crystal to spread the effects to others. Health benefits popularly claimed for the ingestion of this product are scientifically unproven and it is not recommended to snort, liquefy, inject or ingest any quantity of Catium. Claims that Catium may cure illnesses ranging from cancer to aids to ugly is irrelevant in consideration of the hazardous effects and radiation of the product. Always keep contained in a lead lined box at all times and do not expose any humans to its presence. View via camera feed only in pitch darkness. Do NOT allow any light into the box. Do not use the crystal to focus light. Do not use the crystal to channel sound waves in a music player. Do not use the crystal in any way. Any exposure to Catium, even with a lead lined box, is likely to be hazardous. As the radiation is both magical and divine, lead only provides partial protection. Only by burying it underground in a lead lined box at a depth of at least a mile under rock can its effects be fully contained. Do not bury without the box. Catium is likely to spread and reproduce in the surrounding rock without divine level magical enchantments over time. It will spread and corrupt the area. You will want to use it. You will want to taste it. To touch it. To give it to everyone. Give it to them. Let them all know it. The crystal for all, to make everyone want it more than anything. Use it for everything. Do everything. Forget sanity, know only joy forever!
SALE PENDING HEALTH REVIEW
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Public post
Merch Expansion Paused
Sorry folks, we were planning to expand our inventory today but we've had some issues with the site. Here's what we were going to add today. We should have it on sale again by tomorrow.
Catium Crystal
Item Description:
This is a genuine solid Catium crystal made of divine energy from Cypress Zeta himself. Decorate your walls, liven up your living room, or enlighten some minds with this thoughtful decorative crystal! Warning: Item may emit hazardous divine magical radiation. Side effects may include a slow slide into nymphomania, open minded acceptance of suggestions made to those affected, development of multiple new sexual kinks, and a compulsion to use the crystal to spread the effects to others. Health benefits popularly claimed for the ingestion of this product are scientifically unproven and it is not recommended to snort, liquefy, inject or ingest any quantity of Catium. Claims that Catium may cure illnesses ranging from cancer to aids to ugly is irrelevant in consideration of the hazardous effects and radiation of the product. Always keep contained in a lead lined box at all times and do not expose any humans to its presence. View via camera feed only in pitch darkness. Do NOT allow any light into the box. Do not use the crystal to focus light. Do not use the crystal to channel sound waves in a music player. Do not use the crystal in any way. Any exposure to Catium, even with a lead lined box, is likely to be hazardous. As the radiation is both magical and divine, lead only provides partial protection. Only by burying it underground in a lead lined box at a depth of at least a mile under rock can its effects be fully contained. Do not bury without the box. Catium is likely to spread and reproduce in the surrounding rock without divine level magical enchantments over time. It will spread and corrupt the area. You will want to use it. You will want to taste it. To touch it. To give it to everyone. Give it to them. Let them all know it. The crystal for all, to make everyone want it more than anything. Use it for everything. Do everything. Forget sanity, know only joy forever!
SALE PENDING HEALTH REVIEW
