I wanna applaud you, this is one of the most nuanced and fair analysis of the reasons why people would dislike Kirito without going into pointless Kirito hate that I have seen, and the fact that I'm seeing it on the thread for a SAO NTR game is truly something else XD Also liked how it acknowledges that a lot of the issues for SAO come from the anime adaptation skipping or shifting things from the novels, but I would also like to point out a lot of it is also due to misunderstandings, like, for all that people says Kirito has "a lot of plot armor", this actually only really can be applied as people sees it to one instance, when he fought against the system deleting his character out of willpower for a few seconds enough to finish off Heathcliff with Asuna's sword. Every single other instance of Kirito's "Plot Armor" afterwards was, ironically, people helping him during crucial fights, which actually puts a fun spin on people calling him "Too OP" when saying bad things about him or SAO, because it just highlights that Kirito literally hasn't won a single major fight in the whole series without somebody else needing to help him XP Without Leafa and the Fairy Lords he never would have gotten past the world tree's guardians, without Heathcliff he wouldn't have been able to do shit to Oberon because he was a Game Master, without Sinon his ass would have been owned by Death Gun because the other guy's killing instinct was much sharper, without Eugeo he literally would have lost every single major fight in Alicization, hell, Eugeo's ghost literally has to save his ass during the big finale of the arc (Which originally was the series' final battle too), and that was when he literally had the power to bend Virtual Reality to his will, because his enemy was just THAT much more bullshit than him anyway
Also, the thing about "gender roles" may be because SAO was originally written in 2002 (The original Web Novel before it was adapted as a LN), which is also something many don't know, the series is legit a whole decade older than when its anime first aired so a lot of sensitivities and worldviews had changed a lot by then.
I fully agree with you about Kirito neglecting his other relationships, btw, it's a direct result of how the series was originally written but also something I always disliked, which is why I preferred the recently-finished Gameverse AU way more as it fixed that by ironically embracing some aspects of the series that most Haters always blamed Canon wrongly of having XD