true, I handled that poorly... the sister is supposed to be a bit bitchy but cute at times too. (but not tsundere stupid). the mc should have been angry as you mentioned and I also think I am not providing enough dialogue sometimes... I'm still trying to find the right balance so it does not get boring, but at the same time that there is enough story. I think the conversations are too flat many times and I want to change that starting next update.. I might come back to chapter 1 and make it a bit smoother overall. I really appreciate your feedback.
Hmm you actually sumarized all what i could have come up with as criticism. It's a pleasant suprise, that you are this aware of holes in the story chohesion. This shows great promise for a kickass VN for us who are into corruption, harem building and whatnot. Game is still in development and stuff can be changed, polished, fine-tuned and i'm glad you are around and up for discussion such issues
bit bitchy but cute at times too.
Which is fine and actually natural as well but she doesn't have to be both at the same time, so doesn't have to make her fall flat between the two
I feel like that the aformentioned situation was one exactly where its awkard to see a bitchy side right from the start. Even if she first sees her brother peeping through the toilet's window i'd feel after two years of coma she'd be ecstatic way too much to be even snarky let alone bitchy. Everything can return to its relative normal flow quickly, her bitchy side resurfacing, but at the very first time.. after basically getting her brother back quite out of the blue.. it feels awkward, artificial. She barely showed any sign that she cares at all. No hug, no kisses. I feel the scene was poorly executed. It lacked nuances. The presence of such nuances make or break a story.
I'm still trying to find the right balance so it does not get boring
Believable reactions won't make your story boring, trust me
And this story can bear some more dialogues, its faar from giving the feeling that its dragging along. Boredoms often comes from soulcrushing grind and yours doesn't have it. Lots of dialogues and inner monologues won't make it boring. Quite the opposite infact. Seeing whats going on the inside of characters will gives us the players a nice feedback on whats going on. And how we progress in corruption for example
I think the conversations are too flat many times
A very astute obesrvation indeed. They are. I'm missing the emotional connections between the protagonists. It feels like as if he was just in coma for one day.. and that noone was really worried about him. He almost dies, no? The story doesn't explains this emotional distance. It hints at the opposite.. so it should be shown