A couple of notes from the first 6 min of gameplay...
Check your script for repeating words in the same line of dialogue/narration. Rephrase or use synonyms.
Check your opening ( parentheses in a couple of places - which are close ) parentheses at the start of the line.
Add a question mark at the end of questions, in place of existing periods. Add punctuation to the end of at least a dozen lines that have none.
Spell check a few things...
The transition green text is unnecessary in most places, as the dialogue/narration when the black screen fades says essentially the same thing.
Music would be nice. There are tons of royalty free songs around the web. Tip: avoid Incompetech/Kevin Macleod. They are overused in every game on this site.
Tracebacks:
All are related to the Renpy.Show codes I believe... An animation followed by a still image, where the still image is missing or mis-labeled.
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File "game/chapters/chapter1/script/scene1.rpy", line 550, in script
"{i}(Yeah. She's amazing. I probably shouldn't be having the kind of thoughts that I'm having.){/i}"
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While loading <renpy.display.im.Image object ('Hello Trish 1.jpg') at 0x0000000005582c10>:
File "game/chapters/chapter1/script/scene1.rpy", line 1397, in script
jn "{i}(HOLY...FUCKING..QUEEN OF THE NIGHT!!!!){/i}"
OSError: Couldn't find file 'Hello Trish 1.jpg'.
-----------------
While loading <renpy.display.im.Image object ('oh1a.jpg') at 0x000000000563f310>:
File "renpy/common/00keymap.rpy", line 476, in script
python:
File "renpy/common/00keymap.rpy", line 480, in <module>
ui.interact(suppress_overlay=True, suppress_window=True)
OSError: Couldn't find file 'oh1a.jpg'.
---------------
While loading <renpy.display.im.Image object ('AH8B.jpg') at 0x000000000563f490>:
File "game/chapters/chapter1/script/scene1.rpy", line 2073, in script
pause
File "renpy/common/000statements.rpy", line 462, in execute_pause
renpy.pause()
OSError: Couldn't find file 'AH8B.jpg'.