The end of "Tlaero"

[fitgirlbestgirl]

I didn't say any of that. I said that if you're devoting too much time to an exclusionary activity wherein you're expending a lot of energy (including erotic energy that really should be channeled toward your partner), then it is absolutely unhealthy. "Me time" is good, but if "me time" becomes all the time, as consuming hobbies tend to demand, then you're in trouble. And the best person to determine that she's spending too much time on this is the person who is actually spending the time, which is Tlaero herself.

So why not cut back the time? This isn't Alcoholics Anonymous, she doesn't have to stay sober.

People make sacrifices all the time. I've seen wives sacrifice entire careers for their husbands and families, husbands give up sports, the arts, jobs, and other meaningful, self-defining things for their wives and families, and while that would be misery to many of us, many of those who make the sacrifice have found it worthwhile. Maybe she loves her spouse enough to go the full mile instead of a compromise. She's the one in the relationship after all. We've become so self-centered that sacrificing parts of ourselves for others seem unimaginable. We've romanticized people who cut off family members who disagreed with who they can love (I've certainly done my fair part), and yet cannot process cutting off a hobby.

That's all very romantic and poetic, but those sacrifices usually happen for a better reason than "my husband can't find out I make porn games." I will agree that it's her relationship though and it is kind of weird that we're discussing it on a forum to begin with. Then again she decided to make it public, so it's fair game I guess.

She's probably more honest with herself and what she wants to do than all of us. Her truth seems to be, "I love my partner, flaws and all, more than I do this hobby". Is it really so alien than she can willingly and wholeheartedly part with this part of herself out of love?

But he doesn't seem to love her, flaws and all, because the implication here is that he would leave her if he found out about her hobby, otherwise why make such a big deal out of keeping it secret? Seems like a pretty one-sided deal.

 

[Avaron1974]

But is she, really? She's probably more honest with herself and what she wants to do than all of us. Her truth seems to be, "I love my partner, flaws and all, more than I do this hobby". Is it really so alien than she can willingly and wholeheartedly part with this part of herself out of love?

Her exact words in that letter were her husband would never accept what she does, those are her words not mine.

This is something she has been doing for a long time which makes it more than a passing hobby. Just like the reflection that led her to this choice there is going to come a time when she looks back and asks herself if she gave up a part of herself for the right reasons.

I can tell you with hand on heart that if you are in a relationship with someone that can't fully accept who you are, and make no mistake Tlaero will always be a part of her, than that is not a healthy relationship with a loving partner.

It's not my place to judge but I do know that relationships like that with one partner giving up something they enjoy eats away at them. Seen it many a time and every single one has ended in divorce.

Like I said, I hope she proves me wrong but she's married to someone that would never accept her completely and has accepted a lie. Sooner or later, something will give, Either he's accept or he won't but you can't hide everything forever.

As for your "love my partner flaws and all", that seems to be one sided.

 

[Deleted member 68559]

As somebody who also dabbles in the creation of erotica I can't imagine keeping it secret from a partner over a long period of time. I agree that it seems strange to give up something you love and enjoy, and I hope this has a happier ending then I suspect it will.

 

[RedPillBlues]

Tlaero has all but said her partner can't accept all of her so she's living a lie to keep him happy.

He sounds like quite the boring bloke to be honest. I can't imagine what kind of dude would be that against writing erotic fiction.

 

[Krull]

That's sad news indeed.
Artistic passions should always be followed if there's no life events that will prevent you,marriage is not a prison of either's soul, is the embrace of another to share your dreams with and build a life, to be there for each other, sure there's compromise, but that's mostly due to time management, so if time is not a issue, the compromise here will be to step down from porn games(i can understand that being a issue for him, but not the writing itself, no matter the genre) and switch to books.

 

[polywog]

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[Olivia_V]

So why not cut back the time? This isn't Alcoholics Anonymous, she doesn't have to stay sober.

For some people, things like writing, or making movies, or even frickin' fantasy league can end up being a monumental time suck. Plus, in this environment wherein a month's delay can get you fans screaming for your head, then...

Ultimately, she thought she couldn't just cut back, or we wouldn't be here...

That's all very romantic and poetic, but those sacrifices usually happen for a better reason than "my husband can't find out I make porn games."

Who's to say what a "better reason" is? Women have been divorcing men over porn use. Are you really surprised that there are men who expect the same standards out of women?

But he doesn't seem to love her, flaws and all, because the implication here is that he would leave her if he found out about her hobby, otherwise why make such a big deal out of keeping it secret?

Sure, there is that implication, but does that make it necessarily true? Does a woman who cries at night over her husband's porn addiction love him any less than a man who gets offended over his wife's obsession with erotica? You can love someone and wish they stop doing things you think is bad for them. We certainly all have our own hang ups.

I can tell you with hand on heart that if you are in a relationship with someone that can't fully accept who you are, and make no mistake Tlaero will always be a part of her, than that is not a healthy relationship with a loving partner.

I can tell you, too, hand on heart, that some of the strongest relationships involve giving up part of who you are in order to make something work. That's something our ancestors have always known. (That patriarchal act of taking a man's name is an example... and for all our rhetoric against it a lot of those relationships worked...) We all don't come pre-cut to fit in with someone we want to love. Sometimes, we have to saw bits of ourselves off. If doing that makes you resent your partner, then you probably should exit the relationship. But if it doesn't, and you find yourself more willing to part with bits of yourself than with the person you love, then you probably belong together. And from the looks of it, Tlaero doesn't seem to resent him for her doing this.

As for your "love my partner flaws and all", that seems to be one sided.

The big secret of love is that it must first begin one-sided. After all, the decision to love comes from you, not the other person. The question is, does the other person love her. And we cannot answer that without knowing him. Heck, we're all here talking about what a big thing Tlaero is doing, but we don't even know what her boring (to us anyway) husband had given up just to be with her.

This is something she has been doing for a long time which makes it more than a passing hobby.

Doesn't matter. People have given up more, and the decision to do so is entirely hers. To paraphrase a politician who retired early (now there's a self-defining activity if I ever saw one), "nobody goes to their deathbed wishing they spent more time writing erotica".

 

[Goblin Baily: DILF]

For some people, things like writing, or making movies, or even frickin' fantasy league can end up being a monumental time suck. Plus, in this environment wherein a month's delay can get you fans screaming for your head, then...

Ultimately, she thought she couldn't just cut back, or we wouldn't be here...



Who's to say what a "better reason" is? Women have been divorcing men over porn use. Are you really surprised that there are men who expect the same standards out of women?



Sure, there is that implication, but does that make it necessarily true? Does a woman who cries at night over her husband's porn addiction love him any less than a man who gets offended over his wife's obsession with erotica? You can love someone and wish they stop doing things you think is bad for them. We certainly all have our own hang ups.



I can tell you, too, hand on heart, that some of the strongest relationships involve giving up part of who you are in order to make something work. That's something our ancestors have always known. (That patriarchal act of taking a man's name is an example... and for all our rhetoric against it a lot of those relationships worked...) We all don't come pre-cut to fit in with someone we want to love. Sometimes, we have to saw bits of ourselves off. If doing that makes you resent your partner, then you probably should exit the relationship. But if it doesn't, and you find yourself more willing to part with bits of yourself than with the person you love, then you probably belong together. And from the looks of it, Tlaero doesn't seem to resent him for her doing this.



The big secret of love is that it must first begin one-sided. After all, the decision to love comes from you, not the other person. The question is, does the other person love her. And we cannot answer that without knowing him. Heck, we're all here talking about what a big thing Tlaero is doing, but we don't even know what her boring (to us anyway) husband had given up just to be with her.



Doesn't matter. People have given up more, and the decision to do so is entirely hers. To paraphrase a politician who retired early (now there's a self-defining activity if I ever saw one), "nobody goes to their deathbed wishing they spent more time writing erotica".

The last thing I need when looking for fap material is this level of wisdom

 

[Avaron1974]

And from the looks of it, Tlaero doesn't seem to resent him for her doing this.

You really have missed the point entirely.

He would resent her. It's him that can't stand a part of her not the other way around. Sooner or later he will find out, they always do.

No, she doesn't him, yet. That takes time as it festers and she wonders if she did the right thing.

I'll be honest, a lot of what you say comes across like the old brainwashed "we have to make our man happy all costs no matter if it makes us miserable" and just fuck that.

We're never going to see eye to eye on this. Nothing i've seen in that letter sounds like a healthy relationship to me and I think it's going to implode sooner or later.

 

[muttdoggy]

Unfortunately I think avaron's right. As much as I hate for this to happen, tlaero (can we stop quoting her already??) may feel the guilt eat her up and would need to find a way to "break the ice". I hope she is surprised and he tries to understand and accept that side of her. That would be the best outcome for everyone. Mostly for Tlaero's sake. At that point, she can move forward with a clear conscience and either stay away from the "tlaero" persona for good but be content. Or she can return in a limited role or maybe even full capacity. But with his blessing. The trouble is, you usually can tell how someone you love may react but you can't always predict their capacity for acceptance or change. There's only one way to know for sure...
Tlaero, if you read this.. I honestly think that after 10 years, he has some idea but may have mixed feelings. That's my hunch.

 

[Goblin Baily: DILF]

The trouble is, you usually can tell how someone you love may react but you can't always predict their capacity for acceptance or change.

That's the most relevant part of this discussion... no one knows how he would react to the truth. My guess is that he would need some time to process everything. But that's not my life and I'm not the one having to live with the consequences of a wrong choice...hopefully things work out for the best

 

[Olivia_V]

You really have missed the point entirely.

He would resent her. It's him that can't stand a part of her not the other way around. Sooner or later he will find out, they always do.

And what if he does? He'll also find out that she gave it up. Maybe he never even does. Whatever he does on his end is on him.

Your entire point, it seems is that you don't think she should be doing this because it's unhealthy because he's bound to find out and resent her for it anyway and she'll regret it. But, what you do for love, you do because you want to do it. Sure, she may regret it later, or she may not. He may resent her for it, or he may not. Your entire judgment seems predicated on assuming a bad outcome that's not even guaranteed. I say let's trust the grown-ass woman with her own feelings. Didn't we once make a lot noise to get that right?

'll be honest, a lot of what you say comes across like the old brainwashed "we have to make our man happy all costs no matter if it makes us miserable" and just fuck that.

And you're assuming it has to be a man. Women are human too. We've become so self-centered, I guess, that we've forgotten how to make other people happy. And that we assume that making others happy has to make us miserable. I had a colleague who did the sorta "mail order bride" thing with an Asian girl he paid to chat to online. He basically became some Asian family's ATM, and I thought he was an idiot for doing it. But he and the girl both seem happy, and it's been five years. I once interviewed an old lady who did voiceovers for X-rated movies back in the day when you dubbed from market to market. She gave it up because her husband would've hated it had he found out. Married for 30 years until her husband died, and she still talked about what a wonderful man he was. A friend of mine used to have to sneak a cheeseburger with me from time to time because she got into this girl's pants by pretending to be vegan and was trying to keep up the act. She stopped one day, and told me she was gonna try to take the veganism more seriously. I said she'd miss bacon, and burgers, and... yeah. And maybe she does, because I would. But they're still together, and their 2 years was longer than any of my relationships, even if I do think it's fucked up.

If you're gonna approach having to change yourself for the sake of love by thinking of it as "having to make a person happy while I grow miserable", then you'll really be miserable when you have to do it.

So yeah, we probably won't see eye to eye on this. But this reality isn't something you can just wave away just because you think it's old and "brainwashed". Some old ideas are tough to fight because there are grains of truth in them.

The trouble is, you usually can tell how someone you love may react but you can't always predict their capacity for acceptance or change.

Absolutely. But if you love someone, you do what you think is necessary. I can see why she did it. Can't say it's what I would do, but I understand it completely.

 

[Ragnar]

If she is going to stop writing porn, it is because she wants to do it, nobody is forcing her, even if she does it because of her marriage, her husband has not said anything that we know.
You are assuming many things when it is something that she will do because she feels like it, there are tons of writers out there, let this one go and thanks her for her work, if one day she comes back good, if not thanks for the ride.

 

[DeMarcus16]

I honestly think that after 10 years, he has some idea

Well said, as I read this sad news - I could see him, with his own laptop, playing her games - her across the room writing a new game.

 

[Agent HK47]

Sad thing to read. Redemption for Jessika still remains one of my absolute favourite adult games of all times.

I don't agree that making such games is the same thing as cheating (if that was the case, then everyone looking at porn while in a relationship are cheating as well), but that is not for me to decide on her behalf. Wish both her and Mortze the best of luck in the future.

 

[Pitrik]

Redemption for Jessika was my first adult game that i played

Wish both all kind of luck

 

[Avaron1974]

If she is going to stop writing porn, it is because she wants to do it, nobody is forcing her, even if she does it because of her marriage, her husband has not said anything that we know.
You are assuming many things when it is something that she will do because she feels like it, there are tons of writers out there, let this one go and thanks her for her work, if one day she comes back good, if not thanks for the ride.

Again someone misses the point.

We're not concerned that someone has quit writing porn. As much as some of us love her work we all know people don't work on these games forever. The Elsaverse arc was finished, we got to revisit Christine and got a new story out of it all with Darkness Falls. We know Moertze is carrying on and he's no slouch either, Pandora is getting more attention and we still have hundreds of great writers still making content.

Our concern is over a line she write in which she says her husband would not accept what she does which means for the past decade or so she's been living a lie and will continue to live said lie in a relationship where her husband will never accept her completely.

Some of us worry over things like that, even for complete strangers, because we've seen relationships like that and they rarely ever end well and the fallout is always messy.

When all is said and done i'm a romantic, I never want couples to split up because I do believe everyone deserves to find happiness. In this case she needs to be prepared because one day he will probably find out about all this and chances are he may even suspect something already. I'm a firm believer in being honest and upfront about everything I am about with my partner because an uncomfortable conversation at the start will save heartbreak in the future but that's not going to happen here, it's already been far too long to be upfront. We just want her to be prepared if the shit does hit the fan.

That being said creative people need to create so while she may not be writing as Tlaero anymore she could possibly look into writing a book as Mutty suggested. Darkness Falls shows the talent is there for more than just erotica.

 

[Goblin Baily: DILF]

We just want her to be prepared if the shit does hit the fan.

no one knows how he'll react., however I'm trying to pinpoint your angle and the only thing that comes to mind is " husband oout, Ava in."

 

[Hadley]

So she quit because she thinks creating Games is cheating on her Husband?

Makes complete sense!

I never understand people who make a big drama out of playing/creating adult-games. Are these the same people who tell people they never masturbate or watch porn?

 

[Joshua Tree]

Her exact words in that letter were her husband would never accept what she does, those are her words not mine.

This is something she has been doing for a long time which makes it more than a passing hobby. Just like the reflection that led her to this choice there is going to come a time when she looks back and asks herself if she gave up a part of herself for the right reasons.

I can tell you with hand on heart that if you are in a relationship with someone that can't fully accept who you are, and make no mistake Tlaero will always be a part of her, than that is not a healthy relationship with a loving partner.

It's not my place to judge but I do know that relationships like that with one partner giving up something they enjoy eats away at them. Seen it many a time and every single one has ended in divorce.

Like I said, I hope she proves me wrong but she's married to someone that would never accept her completely and has accepted a lie. Sooner or later, something will give, Either he's accept or he won't but you can't hide everything forever.

As for your "love my partner flaws and all", that seems to be one sided.

Suppress your own creativity and passion for the mere existence of being with your partner and please him/her. Must be a very bad trade. What does the partner give up in exchange? Mutual respect, the bare minimum a relation should be founded on. If a partner can't accept the other, who and what they are, there is no foundation to build on. It will just crumble and eat on you over time.

Maybe should read the book "The Wild Duck, by Henrik Ibsen", figure out the whole "living a life lie"...