RobLocksley
Member
- Oct 7, 2023
- 202
- 94
Great to see the new action-packed v0.20D... but even on this D revision, at the beginning and past, there are some grammar/spelling & naming mistakes:
If I see anything else, I'll try to come back to this post and add details in it. Update: I got to the end now, but maybe forgot some things from earlier updates (will review later).
- 'First, we go see the bailiff. She obviously up to something.' should be "She is obviously up to something." (or "she's").
- Similarly, 'The bailiff of the district receives the populace grievances there.' should probably be "The bailiff of the district receives the populace's grievances there".
- 'Lietnant, come to the market.' should be 'Lieutenant, come to the market.'.
- 'Holly shit!' should be 'Holy shit!'.
- A detail is only illiterate American Christianity capitalizes pronouns for gods (like you once do with 'His', etc.) which is incorrect due to not being names... Bibles published in British Isles with proper/standard English don't do this... though the style became almost commonplace in USA, and it's a fantasy story (fantasy languages may have their own conventions) so maybe few will complain about that style.
- In necromancer fight, Sariel says 'catch' but the view is Sarah.
- Boys (like MC's tiger) and unmarried youths/men to some age (or in some social circles all unmarried life) are called 'master' (equivalent of 'miss') before later possibly becoming 'mister', which could improve 'Mister <tiger>, I must congratulate you on a splendid sneak attack!'... would certainly fit Mediaeval-type setting, but might depend on style you want to use.
- 'Black Hand who helped demons practice dark rituals, and sent my citizen to be used as puppets by a necromancer' should presumably be 'Black Hand who helped demons practice dark rituals, and sent my citizens to be used as puppets by a necromancer.'.
- Sariel said 'Cintra has 8 thousand or so' which is informal but in formal writing one writes out most/all numbers--'eight-thousand'--which I don't know which style you prefer, so depends... I think in formal literature, they're always written out, but in technical writing, one only writes out zero to nine and use numbers for 10+, but it probably should be either 'eight-thousand' or '8,000'.
- 'Mistress, the dinner will be ready in 15 minutes' should be 'Mistress, the dinner will be ready in 15 minutes.'.
- Characters said 'definitively' a couple places which is fine, but I think in the second "And you know, I definitively going to come back from time to time" would be best as "And you know, I am definitely going to come back from time to time." (definitely should be 'I am' or or "I'm").
If I see anything else, I'll try to come back to this post and add details in it. Update: I got to the end now, but maybe forgot some things from earlier updates (will review later).
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